From Voodoo Dolls to Death Notes
by Blinded Chubi
Summary: Bernadette Cezelia Otis is a young maid from New Orleans working in a brand new hotel after cleaning in her Grandma's old Voodoo Shop. One day, after being assigned to clean her boss's suite, she discovers something quite unnerving on her boss's computer;he could be Kira! Yet before she can to find him, suddenly she's the one under arrest! LXOC. Inspired by a Beryl Bloodstone fic.
1. Chapter 1

To Bernadette Cezelia Otis, cleanliness was close to godliness.

As a proud member of the hotel's cleaning staff, she was always working hard to make sure that every inch of its floors were nice and tidy. She took an immense amount of enjoyment in what she does, and it wasn't because she was paid rather handsomely. Actually, if it wasn't for the fact she needed the money to feed the gargantuan monster that was her college tuition, she'd gladly volunteer to do this job for free.

It's just like Grandma Ghissie said, she thought as she polished the marble floor with the straggly tendrils of her mop, If it feels good, do it.

"Bernie, you're getting a special assignment!" The blonde and tan American girl snapped her head up from furiously cleaning the hotel's floor. "Yeah, Yuki? What is it?" Bernie replied, her New Orleans accent spilling into her Japanese words. Yuki smirked and pointed at the hotel ceiling. "You're gonna clean the rich guy's room upstairs! The one who owns the building!" Bernie frowned and stopped mopping the floor with one hand and grabbed her cleaning bucket, preparing to head for the elevator. As she pressed the button, Yuki called back, "And for the love of God, don't put any Voodoo spells on this room this time!" Bernie twitched and looked back at Yuki, a slightly unamused grin on her face as she sang back, "Ain't my fault my Grandma's magic sticks to me, chere!"

The elevator doors slid open, and Bernie waltzed in before pressing the button to the top floor. She tugged on her honey colored hair, and rubbed her tortoise shell bracelet (A goodbye present from Grandma Ghissie). She tapped her fingers on her big yellow cleaning bucket, and hummed an old blues song before the doors opened and she shuffled off to the luxury suite, where everyone knew the owner lived. _Now that's strange, _Bernie thought. _For a guy who's so rich, shouldn't he or she live in a huge mansion? What a fool! _Pushing these criticisms aside, she headed for the door. A small doll's leg stuck from out of her coat pocket, and she hurriedly shoved it back into her pocket. "Can't let anyone see you, little sweetie," she cooed to her doll. After knocking three times, an old man opened the door with a smile on his face. "You must be the new maid, miss," he greeted warmly. "My name is Watari." Bernie smiled widely and shook his hand. "Bernadette Cezelia Otis is mine, but everyone calls me Bernie. Charmed to meet ya, chere. Can I come in now?"

Watari nodded and allowed her in. The second Bernie walked in, her eyes nearly popped out of her sockets: Candy wrappers were littered everywhere, empty cake plates were next to a large computer wall, cups of coffee were set on the coffee table ( .), and Bernie could even see crumbs and chocolate pieces on the floor. Immediately, her fingers shook, and her entire body tensed as she shut her eyes in panic. Her chest heaved lightly as she breathed quickly, and Watari put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright, Miss Bernie?" he asked concernedly, and Bernie opened her eyes to smile wobbily at Watari. "I'm alright, Mr. Watari," she managed sweetly. "Now, let's get to work!"

She rubbed her palms together and rushed to the computer desk, her cleaning bucket bumping her hip madly. "Hmm, you got a sink nearby, Watari?" she asked, and Watari directed her to a large sink near a kitchen a room away. Bernie sprinted to the sink and immediately grabbed some dishwashing liquid and a sponge to begin scrubbing like made at a stack of thirteen (she had counted them) dirty dishes. After she was satisfied, she dried them with a nearby towel and skidded back into the living room. She scowled at the coffee table and mugs. "Now, what kind of fool leaves a drink without a coaster?" she muttered, taking the mugs to wash the cold coffee out and get coasters. A few minutes later, she had found coasters in a cupboard in the kitchen and had set out fresh cups with coasters on the luckily undamaged table. "Next, candy wrappers—Oh, for the love of God!" she sighed, noticing a bedroom near the living room. Bernie turned to Watari. "Are those bedrooms as dirty as the living room, Mr. Watari?" she asked, panicked, and Watari shook his head. She sighed in relief and hugged her chest. "Well, they are," Watari corrected, "But I must tell you that those rooms are off limits, so you needn't worry about it, dear."

Bernie nodded, the gears in her head confusedly turning. "Er, not to intrude, chere, but….Why exactly can I not clean in those rooms?" He merely smiled, and she nodded meekly as she began work on eradicating every candy wrapper in the room. "Don't ask any more questions," she hissed to herself. "And no backtalking, neither; you need this job for college. Lord knows that making your boss mad ain't gonna work out for you…." She stared back at Watari as she hefted a trash can full of wrappers at top speed. "Would you happen to be the owner of this hotel?" she asked, mentally cursing herself for being nosy. Watari merely smiled and shook his head. "The owner is out to eat lunch at this moment. He'll be back shortly." Bernie nodded and went back to working on the candy wrappers. Within ten minutes, she had finished and was mopping insanely while humming an old song from Louisiana. After a short time, she had made the room sparkling clean; seriously, some parts of the table sparkled, a trademark of a room Bernie cleaned.

Watari smiled as Bernie leaned on her mop. "Much better! So, any other rooms I gotta clean, sir?" The old man led her to a smaller conference/living room, which was a less exaggerated mess than the first room. She wiped the sweat of her slightly uneven brows and set to work, emitting a small battle cry that made Watari chuckle. "Yah!" As she worked, Watari prepared to leave the room. "I shall be leaving now to check on other matters, Miss Bernie," he said, and Bernie nodded to herself as she scoured the room of candy wrappers. When she heard him shut the door, her curiosity about the bedroom was gnawing at her badly. "Now why can't I go in there?" she muttered, intrigued by the closed door. She shook her head and kept working. "Now, don't go lookin' in your boss's business, Bernie," she chastised herself. _Still…. That bedroom MUST be as dirty as the rest of the house. I __need __to clean it, or else I might go crazy!" _

So, she made up her mind to enter the bedroom. "No lock? Ain't that strange; you'd think a rich guy would protect his room better," she remarked. With her cleaning bucket in hand, she slumped against the wall as she saw more cake dishes, more candy wrappers, and way too many computers on a desk. Next to that, a laptop with a big black "L" onscreen stood in the middle of the desk. "L? Gotta admit that boss has a cute nickname," she chuckled, glancing at the monitor. She saw the bed, which strangely, was already made. "Does the bakasweetie sleep on the floor?" she said, setting to work on stacking the cake dishes to take them to the sink. After a few minutes, they were perfectly clean, and she set to work on the bedroom wrappers. "Ya know," she grunted, carrying a bucket full of plastic to a trash can, "With the sweets the boss eats, he must move like a rattlesnake from all the dang sugar!" She giggled and set to work on dusting the monitors, when her arm bumped the mouse. The L disappeared, and a password for a file to open popped up on the screen. In teeny little black letters, it read clear as day: Kira.

Bernie paled and stepped back, staring at the little locked folder. "….." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "Nah, can't be the boss that's Kira," she muttered to herself quietly, albeit a bit panicky. "Must be a fan of him or something, like an idiot. B-Besides, Kira probably uses Voodoo and the like, and I didn't see no spells or dolls or gris-gris bags in here or anythin' like that…" Her eyes turned back to the folder name, and she pinched her gris-gris bag in fear. "Still, it wouldn't be too hard to believe. Nobody knows their face…" She swallowed and held the doll in her coat pocket. She traced the stitched words 'Kira' on the doll's chest, and felt a drop of sweat roll down her temple. "Maybe if I see him, I can test out my newest doll," she planned. "Oh Law, why of all the hotels in Japan, I had to work in Kira's!" Bernie moaned.

She turned around to run to the living room and calm down before she hyperventilated too quickly, but she heard someone walk in on the carpet. "Dawgon it," she hissed, looking for a place to hide. It was too late, and she squeaked as she saw the door open to reveal her boss. She shut her eyes and bit her lip. "S-Sorry to intrude on ya, Mr. Ki—Mister! I, er, wanted to clean the entire room, and…" Bernie heard no response, so she opened her eyes slowly to see who had walked in on her.

_Well….He ain't what I expected, that's for sure, _she thought simply. And boy was she right: Her boss was a young man, probably in his twenties, but did NOT look too Boss-like. Bernie almost wanted to spit at the sight of her young employer's appearance. He was just so...ugh. His long white shirt and baggy pants made him look like a god of laziness. The way the clothes fit him made her think that he was way too thin, and her Southern maternal instincts were telling her to sit him down and cook him a couple hundred of meals to get some meat on his bones. His back was hunched slightly, his posture closely resembling a question mark. His blank eyes were black and had dark circles under them. But the thing that wrung Bernie's nerves tighter than a dirty wash rag full of filth was his feet.

He wore nothing on them.

No shoes, no socks, no nothing.

Oh, all the germs he could have been leaving all over the place! Bernie managed to calm herself down, trying hard to keep her composure. Before the man could even speak, she put a hand on her hip.

"Someone looks like Tim Burton's Hunchback of Notre Dame," she joked in her Southern lilt. She immediately covered her mouth. "Oh, dawgon it, I'm sorry, chere! I mean, Kir—I mean Boss!" She bowed down and looked up at him.

"Would you mind if I asked why you are in my room?" he asked simply, in a husky voice that made Bernie think of what Grandma Ghissie once told her. _If you wanna know which boys are seductive, chere, just look for the ones with voices that sound like chocolate. __**Those **__are the trophy husbands and lovas! _She blushed at the memory, but realized what she meant; this man's voice could only be described as what chocolate sounds like. Bernie tugged on her blonde hair. "Well, um, I'm the maid, and Watari said not to come in here, I know," she rambled. "But, see, I saw how dirty it was in here, and I set to work 'fore I had a nervous breakdown."

Bernie chuckled nervously, scanning for a way to tell if she could use her doll to see if this man was Kira. "Y'know, for a Boss, you look pretty unusual," she commented softly. Her hand crept to her coat pocket, and the man stared at her. "I know." He replied. "Why did you turn on my computer as well?" He pointed a pale gray hand at his monitor, with the Kira file on it, and Bernie reddened. "Well, I was dustin' the monitors, and my hand bumped against the mouse and a folder named 'Kira' popped up, but it was locked, so don't worry because I didn't see anything on it!" She stared at him in an awkward silence, and she finally said, "Y'know, you face looks mighty pale. You sick or somethin', chere?" More silence and staring.

She took a deep shaky breath, and held out her hand with her tortoise shell bracelet clacking. "Name's Bernadette Cezelia Otis, but everyone calls me Bernie," she said hastily. "What's yer name then, Boss?" He tilted his head, and she stiffened. "Come now, sugah, I don't bite. What's yer name?" He nibbled on his fingernail and muttered, "2.5 percent…." Bernie's eyebrow rose even higher. "Darlin', what's with the number talk? I said name, silly, not percentages!" she giggled nervously. Suddenly, her boss grabbed her wrist and something silver was attached to it. "Hey, know! What the—did you just handcuff me?" she sputtered, and her boss dragged her into the living room, where a few older men were sitting around and eating lunch.

One with an afro noticed Bernie, who was now handcuffed to the pale man. "Ryuzaki, did you just…handcuff your maid?" he managed, and Bernie's eyes widened; these men were wearing _police _badges? Was she going to be arrested?! Ryuzaki nodded. "I suspect her to be Kira," he explained, and Bernie glared at him. "Hold on, chere," she retorted angrily, "YOU'RE the one with the file named 'Kira' on your computer!" Afro Man stared at her some more, and Ryuzaki spoke. "Matsuda, would you please help me find a place for me to interrogate Miss… Bernie, was it?" He looked into her eyes, and she frowned. "Indeed it was, bakasweetie," she spat. "Now, who are you to even arrest me? And don't you dare say that you're the Japanese version of Dick Tracy or somethin', Pale Man!"

Ryuzaki shook his head as Matsuda escorted them to a now clean conference room/living room. "Not quite," he corrected, as they glanced at each other. "I am L." She frowned. "Don't think that's a full name, Sugah," she huffed. "It's a letter. Now let me….GO!" Bernie pulled with all her might, making her and L hit the floor. On the way down, Bernie felt some things fall out of her pockets, and Matsuda picked up her items. "Um, you dropped your bag thing, and…Is this a Voodoo doll?"He managed, and the trio stared at the name on the doll's chest. "3.7 percent," L said simply, and Bernie shook uncontrollably as Matsuda took her doll and gris-gris bag away. _Now you know, _she thought to herself, _When somebody says don't go into a bedroom…Don't do it!_

**A/N**

**Now that I'm back to writing, I might as well start this Death Note fic that I've had for an insanely long time. By the way, there are two sections of this that were actually written by an AMAZING fanfic writer, Beryl Bloodstone (thanks for the suggestions and looking this chapter over, sweetie!): The intro up until "Bernie" and the description of L. Isn't she great? Anywho, I hope this is one people really like, and if not you can kill me with your Death Note. Till next chappy, this is Everyonesfangirl13579!**


	2. Chapter 2

L sat next to Bernie on a couch nearby, and she scowled at him. "I suppose I ain't getting' promoted, chere?" she snapped sarcastically, and L shook his head.

"Obviously not." Bernie ran her fingers through her honey blonde hair and crossed her arms before glaring at her boss.

"Well, whaddya wanna interrogate me about, Mr. One Letter Name?" she retorted, and he stared at her while nibbling on a nearby pastry.

"First of all, I would like to know why you have a Voodoo doll on your person, along with a bag with various natural items inside it." Bernie stiffened; the way he said it made her seem like a crazy voodoo lady that everyone outside of the real deal thought was what Voodoo really was!

"My Grandma gave me the gris-gris bag, and the Voodoo doll is for protection should I ever find Kira," she said icily, shifting her hips. "And if you think I'm Kira, you're pretty stupid then, chere." L stared at her some more and she shivered. "Don't look at me like that, Sugah; you got the creepy eyes!"

He raised a nonexistent eyebrow and replied, "_Your dialect and accent indicates that you are from the New Orleans region of Louisiana, correct?" _Bernie jumped. "_You speak English, chere?" _she asked, stunned. He nodded. "_I speak many languages, but that is beside the point. Please answer my question, Miss Cezelia Otis." _

Bernie nodded and sighed. "_Well, you're right; I'm from New Orleans. And even though I already answered your question, I have the gris-gris bag as a present from Grandma Ghissie, my granny and I made the voodoo doll to see if I could ever prove if someone was Kira. And yeah, it may not work since it ain't the guy's real name but it don't hurt to try!" _She fidgeted and stared at L, who in turn stared at her.

"_You feel that you need extra protection from Kira?" _he replied, and she shrugged.

"_He's dangerous, and it never hurts to be too protected, doesn't it, Sugah?" _He shrugged, and Bernie noticed how L was sitting and pointed at his legs. "Why're you sittin' like that?" she asked in Japanese, and he picked up another pastry.

"If I didn't, my deductive abilities would decrease by 40%," he explained, also going back to Japanese. Bernie nodded before deciding to imitate him on her side of the couch; she hitched her skirts and covered her crotch as she crouched, tugging on her wine colored peasant blouse.

"Well, maybe this'll help me think better when you ask me questions," she said with a nod. L tilted his head.

"Perhaps. Next question: Why did you enter my room when Watari specifically told you not to?" Bernie fidgeted some more and took a deep breath.

"Well, it's because of a…a phobia, of sorts," she stammered. "I got two phobias: one is Ataxophobia, the fear of uncleanliness and disorder and the like. So when I thought yer room would be as much of a pigsty as the rest of this dawgon place, I needed to make sure and clean."

L nodded. "I see. Your possibility of being Kira has decreased from 3.7% to 1.7%." Bernie rolled her eyes. "Well, obviously I knew that, chere," she replied coolly. L held up a finger while munching on shortcake. "However, I'm afraid I cannot release you from my custody."

Bernie's lip tensed. "_WHAT?!" _she sputtered, so surprised that she switched to her native language.

"To be honest, I'm not sure why you're so surprised, Miss Cezelia Otis," he replied bluntly, leafing through a folder. "You now know that I am the world famous detective known as L, you know that I am investigating Kira, and that I suspect you to be Kira. Therefore, I believe that the most prudent option is for you to stay under my surveillance 24 hours a day. Not to mention, the best way for me to watch you is for you to stay in my suite until you are definitely not a Kira suspect."

A few silent and tense seconds passed. "Well, I…Um...Well how long would ya plan on keeping me prisoner, chere?" she asked.

L thought for a moment. "Really, it depends on how suspicious you are during the course of your stay," he replied smoothly, and Bernie chuckled bitterly.

"Would I be able to work still?"

"Not out of this room," L said. "But if you wish, I can hire you as my suite's personal maid…Perhaps a cook as well?" Bernie raised an eyebrow.

"Workin' for the boss seems nice, but why do ya want me to cook, Mr. One Letter Name?" L shrugged and replied, "I do not wish to sound like I am stereotyping people from New Orleans, but I assume that you can cook food from that region?" Bernie leaned back and smirked. "Ya mean stuff like gumbo and New Orleans food? Well, I certainly know my way around a dish, Sugah," she chuckled.

"I have wanted to try different foods and sweets, and this seems like a good opportunity. Besides, from what I have researched, Western food seems to have more sugar in them, which would be quite beneficial while I work." Bernie smirked and mused, "Well, if sugah and fat's what ya want, I'd be able to whip that up in a second."

L nodded firmly, and pressed a button that allowed the cops from before to enter the room. "Everyone, this is Bernadette Cezelia Otis, our new maid/cook," L explained, and Bernie smiled cheekily.

"While Mr. One Letter Name is right, everyone just calls me Bernie, darlin's," she explained, holding out her hand. "How're yall?"

All of them but Matsuda merely eyed her warily. Matsuda, on the other hand, walked forward and shook her hand. "I'm Touta Matsuda, the cop from earlier," he said cheerily. "Hey, you look foreign, and your accent is different; are you from the U.S. or something? Sorry I took your creepy dolls and weird bag, but now that you're not a Kira suspect I'll give them back to you when Ryuzaki wants me to!"

While Bernie was struggling to comprehend what the flying fudge the hyper young man was saying, L freed her from her handcuffs and she grinned widely. "Indeed I am, Sugah," she greeted. "I'm from New Orleans, Louisiana!" Matsuda smiled, but Afro Man stared at her.

"Is she a Kira suspect still though, Ryuzaki?" he asked gruffly, and L nodded. "Though, it's only a 1.7 percent possibility," L added. Afro Man nodded, and stepped back. The man with glasses (and who hadn't said anything) was seemingly familiar to Bernie, and she frowned in confusion.

"'Scuse me, Mr. Glasses," she said slowly. "Don't you have a son at To Oh University? Light Yagami?" He bristled and nodded slowly. "Why do you ask?" he replied, and Bernie smiled warmly. "Light's a classmate of mine, chere," she piped up. "In fact, we've been pretty good friends since the first day of school!"

Light's father smiled vaguely. "It's nice to meet a friend of Light's," he said, shaking her hand uncertainly. She nodded and looked back at L.

"I'm guessin' that I should get my things if I'm gonna be movin' into this suite, right, Sugah?" she asked. L nodded, and Watari appeared next to him. "Watari shall help you move into a room in this suite," he explained. "The most suitable room for you would most likely be the room next to mine while your belongings are being moved in. After that, I'll have an entire suite for you near the main kitchen."

Bernie whistled low. "An entire suite just for me? I'm a cleaning lady!" she remarked, shifting her weight onto her other side. L nodded, and replied bluntly, "True, but if my other guests are allowed entire floors, then it only seems logical that the maid and cook have one of the luxury suites."

Bernie grinned, and raised an eyebrow. "Other guests? You got a girl holed up in here or somethin', chere?" she tittered, and L shook his head.

"Perhaps you have cleaned the rooms on floor 13 that belong to Miss Misa Amane?" he asked. At the name, Bernie began laughing hysterically and bending on her knees to keep from falling over. Her peals of laughter made Matsuda jump, and she laughed even harder. After a few more seconds, Bernie wiped a few tears from her eyes. "Oh, Law," she sighed. "I've heard of Miss Amane, for sure; she keeps all the maids working like servants to keep her little princess self and her entire floor perfect! Nearly drove a new girl to tears when she spilled some water on the floor, the poor darlin'…"

She chuckled and sized L up. "Though, she can't be your beau," she pointed out. "I'm pretty sure she's datin' the God of Fine Lookin' Fellas from the way she talks about her boy, and she ain't into the mysterious but cute-ish type." L shook his head.

"No, she is not my lover; In fact, both Misa Amane and her boyfriend are suspects in the Kira case, like you." Bernie frowned slightly, but shrugged. "An airhead like her don't seem like Kira, but _you're _the detective," she replied loftily. She sat back down and stared off into the room. After a few awkward seconds, a buzzer in the living room went off. L immediately leapt to answer it, and Watari's voice was in the room. "Ryuzaki, Light Yagami is here to visit Miss Amane," he said. L replied, "I see. Let him in, Watari."

Bernie jumped up. "Hey, you can't let Light see me!" she hissed, and L tilted his head.

"And why is that, Miss Cezelia Otis?" he replied. "I don't want him to know that I'm on the Kira case, alright? He'll know I was lying about not being at school today; I told him that I couldn't study with him because I was sick. I mean… Well, I didn't want him to know that I'm a….a maid…" The group of men stared at her, and she shifted uncomfortably. "Look, I can tell ya from experience that while I'm a smart kid, people automatically think I'm a bumpkin girl 'cause of my work, and my accent already ain't helping me out when I wanna sound smart!" she said, flustered and blushing.

Matsuda frowned. "That's just sad," he said empathetically. "I mean, you seem smart enough to get into To Oh, but people think you're stupid because of your accent and your job? That's awful!" Bernie smiled slightly, but her smile drooped when the door opened and Light walked into the living room and waved at his dad.

"Hey, Dad," he greeted, and he glowered at L. "Hi, Ryuzaki," he said coolly. "Glad to see that you aren't handcuffed to me anymore." L gave a small nod.

"Greetings, Light," he said in his usual monotone. He put a hand on Bernie's shoulder. "This is your classmate and my new housekeeper, Bernadette." Bernie squeaked and waved sheepishly at a surprised Light.

"Er, hey there Light," she stammered, "How's it going, darlin'?"

He stared and waved back. "Hi Bernie," he said slowly. "I guess you weren't actually sick today?" She rubbed her head sheepishly.

"Yeah. You see, I work part time as a maid at this hotel, and then Mr. One Letter Name, or Ryuzaki, or whatever he wants to be called, arrested me as Kira, but now I ain't such a high threat. On the bright side, I get to stay in mah own suite and work in only one room!" She chuckled, and Light smiled.

"Well, it's good to know that Ryuzaki hasn't had you arrested for too long. Believe me, I know the feeling." She grinned wickedly, and L hopped off of his feet. "Oh, by the way Light, Miss Amane is requesting another date with you as soon as possible. I suggest you hurry off before she has another fit and yells at another employee at this hotel."

Bernie put the pieces together and gaped at Light. "Miss Misa's your girl?" she asked, her eyes wide. Light nodded.

"Yeah, she kinda seems to be a little obsessed with me," he replied. A few seconds passed, and Bernie walked up to wrap her arms around Light. She petted his back and said seriously, "I'm so sorry for your burden, chere. So, so sorry." Immediately, she pulled back and fell into another long line of laughter, making Matsuda smile widely.

"I like her," he said, "She's fun! Although, Misa-Misa wouldn't be too happy if she heard that…" Bernie smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Alright then, Mr. One Letter Name," she said cheerily. "I'll agree to your lil' job offer. But, there are a few rules I gotta lay down as your maid and cook, Sugah."

L ate a chocolate candy while he was slightly interested in these 'rules'. "Rule one-"

She was interrupted by a blur of blond and black opening the door and rushing towards Light. "Liiiiiight-kuuuuuun!" it squealed, and suddenly it stopped and tackle hugged the poor young man. Bernie's eyes slowly perceived that the rush of fangirlish energy was in fact Misa Amane. "Light, I missed you so much! It was _torture _waiting for you to come home from college; I nearly died!" She hugged him so tight that Bernie thought she must've drunk the Japanese equivalent of Grandma Ghissie's 'Strength Elixir'. Ryuzaki watched them with curiosity, and Bernie barely kept herself from laughing to death.

"Oh, Light, darlin'," she sang sweetly. "I see the true love in this room!" Misa immediately straightened at the words 'Light' and 'darling' in the same sentence NOT being uttered by her. She saw the young tan girl grinning down at them and gave her a seething glare. "Who're you?" she spat acidly. Bernie smiled and put a hand on her hip. "Ryuzaki's new maid and cook, and Light's friend from school," she greeted. "Name's Bernie; and I believe that you've yelled at most of my coworkers, chere. How's it goin'?" Misa's mouth dropped open, and the two stared at each other for a long time.

Before Misa could inevitably start a catfight, Watari walked in carrying a box with multiple holes in it, as well as scratchmarks. "Miss Otis, I believe that your cats wish to be in your company," he said warmly, holding the trembling box. "It took a very long time to stop them from attacking the moving men and even put them in this box." Bernie darted to the box and lifted it to see her cats, who were mewling and meowing like crazy. "Oh, dawgon it," she exclaimed, hugging her kitties. "The poor babies; they hate enclosed spaces!" She carried them out of the box and sat on the couch with them to pet them and calm them down.

As she pet them, they calmed down and slept in her lap. Matsuda and Misa jumped up to pet the kittens, and immediately pet them like crazy. "What are their names, Bernie-chan?" Matsuda asked. Bernie pointed at the black kitten in her lap. "That's Pippin," she whispered. Her hands moved to the snow white kitten on her right side. "And that's Merry."

Misa cooed and pet the black one. "He's so cute!" she squealed, and suddenly Pippin's eyes flashed open. Bernie jumped and snapped, "Chere, look out!" It was too late; Pippin growled and leapt on Misa's face, mewling angrily like crazy. Misa screamed like crazy, and Bernie sighed, knowing that there was really nothing she could do when Pippin went on a rampage. She looked over at Light and L. "I think Miss Misa and I are gonna be great friends, darlin's," she muttered.


	3. Chapter 3

After Pippin had stopped attacking Misa's face, he leapt into Bernie's arms and fell right back asleep. While both Merry and Pippin were still asleep, she scooped them up and walked to her room. While Misa ran to her room to reapply her makeup, Bernie helped the movers bring her belongings to a nearby room in the luxury suite. "Yall better be careful with my dolls and spices!" she warned as she put her things away. After she had finished unpacking at light speed, she walked back into the living room. "There we go," she sighed, content with her perfectly organized room. "Much better now!"

She plopped her kittens down on their homemade beds, and jumped onto her own soft and expensive one, feeling the need to take a nap after the chaos she had gone through today. "Mr. One Letter Name," she grumbled into her pillow. "He's such a fool… I don't need to be Kira to get revenge on him if I wanted!" Merry woke up and mewed up at her, and she grinned. "Hey, Merry," she cooed, picking him up and stroking his pearl-white fur. "Our lil' prison is nice, ain't it?" He merely mewed in reply, and Bernie lay down to glare at the ceiling. _I should probably take a nap, _she thought. _Whatever Mr. One Letter Name wants me to cook, I'm sure it'll take all my energy with the truckloads of sugah I'd need to use… _

As she lay with her eyes closed, relaxing with her kitten, her door opened. "Hey, Bernie!" a nice but too energetic voice called. "L said that he wants you to make something for lunch!" Bernie's eyes flashed open and she bolted upright.

"Wha—Oh," she sighed in relief, seeing Matsuda standing in her doorway. "Okay, chere," she said hastily, putting Merry back down next to Pippin. "I'll be out in a moment." Matsuda nodded and shut the door. Bernie thought for a moment, and snapped her fingers. "I need to re-do all my protection spells for this room; I won't be livin' at home anymore, and this room isn't safe at all!" she cried. She ran over to her box of spices and expertly pulled out a spell to protect homes from evil and negativity. "Let's see," she muttered, piling tubes of powder in her arms. "Cayenne pepper, table salt, and sulphur…There we go!"

She took the spices and sulphur and sprinkled it around the room while Pippin woke up and was exploring the room. After the room was lightly dusted with the mixture, Bernie smiled triumphantly and put her hands on her hips. "Well, that's a start," she said. After putting the spices away, she walked out of her bedroom door and left the door open for her cats to get used to their new house. "Now, it's time to see my boss/jailer/bakasweetie!"

When she entered the living room, there he was, still sitting in that strange hunched over position. Immediately, her back straightened and she put a hand on her hip. "Ya know, you wouldn't have a funny lookin' back if ya didn't sit like that, chere," she snapped, immediately biting her tongue back. _This is my boss, _she reminded herself. _If I don't wanna go to jail, I better not sass him….Well, I'll __**try **__not to sass this weird, underfed fool._

L merely replied, "If I did not sit like this, my deductive ability would drop by—"

"40%, I know what ya said before, chere," Bernie said, rolling her neck around. "Still, your back ain't very good lookin'." She crossed her arms. "So, whaddya want me to make?"

L handed her a cookbook with a recipe on an open page. The title read, 'New Orleans Sponge Cake (With Strawberry Filling)'. Bernie smirked. "I know how to make these," she said smoothly, tucking the book under her right arm. "How many do ya want, chere?"

"Around twenty or thirty, Miss Cezelia Otis," he said, looking at a case file on the nearest table.

Bernie's mouth dropped. " 'Twenty or thirty'? Chere, that's crazy! I gotta use a half cup o' sugah for just one cake; even _you _can't take that much without yer head exploding!" L merely nodded absentmindedly and muttered something about a case. Sighing, she set to work in the kitchen and rummaged around for ingredients. "Let's find the pantry then," she murmured, opening a large wooden door.

The moment she saw the pantry, she nearly died of joy. Mountains of ingredients were stacked neatly in a pantry that was the size of a small warehouse. While there were many bags of flour, salt, and a container of butter that was the size of a bathtub, Bernie noticed that there were almost one hundred three pound bags of sugar. "I swear, that man must be Superman," she whispered, awed by the amount of fat and sugar in her midst. She grabbed a nearby apron and fiercely donned it like a soldier going into war. "Yaaaah!" she cried, rushing forward and grabbing a bag of sugar and dragging it out into the kitchen.

The next few hours were nothing but continuous baking until it felt like a bodily function to Bernie. While she was icing and filling up a fresh batch of cakes from the oven to cool, she saw someone walk into the kitchen from the corner of her eye. "What is it, chere? I'm a little busy on these last 10 cakes," she called, tasting the strawberry jam on the tip of her finger. She turned and saw that Matsuda was standing sheepishly. "Hey, Matsuda," she greeted, stuffing filling into five cake middles. "You alright?"

Matsuda nodded and rubbed his head shyly. "Hi, Bernie," he said. "Um, do you know if…Um…" Bernie smirked and put her hand on her hip.

"What's wrong, sugah; cat got yer tongue?" she teased as she turned to ice the tops of the rest of the strawberry doused cakes. Matsuda shook his head.

"Well, since all of the police members have to stay in the hotel with L—I mean, Ryuzaki," he explained. "We have someone to get food for us, like a delivery boy and stuff. But since we have a cook in the building already, we were wondering if you could maybe…." He trailed off as Bernie looked back at him with a slightly crazed look in her eyes. _Did making all those cakes for Ryuzaki break her brain?! _he thought worriedly.

She set all thirty of her cakes onto a few dishes she had cleaned, and fumed while she was turned away from Matsuda. _Now I gotta make dinner for everyone too?! I know it's my job to cook, but there's only so much cooking I can take in a day! And what can I make for a bunch of hungry cops, one of their sons, an old butler man, and a hunchback on such short notice? Grr…._

Closing her eyes for a moment, she turned back to Matsuda. "I suppose I could whip somethin' simple up, chere," she said in defeat of Matsuda's puppy eyes staring back at her. "But how many people am I servin' again?" Matsuda counted on his fingers.

"Well, there's the Chief, Aizawa, Mogi, me, Light, Ryuzaki, and Misa if she comes by later, so 7 if it includes you." He thought about it for a moment. "And I don't think Wedy and Aiber are hanging out somewhere else…"

Bernie nodded and looked back at her freshly made pastries and thought of what she would need from the nearest store to make a decent dinner. "Tell 'em I'm gonna be makin' fried fish," she ordered, picking up her dishes of cake (one plate for each hand and one on her head) and heading for the living room door. "Well, on second thought, I'll just tell 'em myself now that I'm goin' in there." She felt Pippin and Merry near her legs, and smiled as she allowed them to follow her into the living room.

L and Light were sitting close to each other at a desk near a computer screen, while the police members were talking on a couch near them. Bernie briskly walked over to the desk and put down the two plates in her hand and one that was still resting on the crown of her blonde head. "Enjoy, Mr. One Letter Man," she said tiredly. "I got two more plates for ya, so don't scarf these down to fast, got it chere?" He stared at the cakes with wide eyes; eyes that reminded Bernie of a little kid who got the perfect present on Christmas Day. She smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Ain't you even gonna say 'thank you', hun?"

She could have died of laughter at the look of pure delight on his face. "Thank you, Miss Cezelia Otis," he murmured in awe of the sugar doused pastries. "I believe you shall be a valuable member of this staff." Light glanced at the treats.

"These actually do look pretty good," he remarked, smiling at Bernie in the way that makes most girls just melt on sight. "Mind if I try one?"

"Sure, Light," she said, shrugging. "Just make sure that Mr. One Letter Name doesn't bite yer head off by reachin' for a cake!" She grinned and turned to the other members. "By the way, I'm makin' fried fish for dinnah, since Matsuda wanted me to cook for yall. That good, dahlin's?" They all nodded, and L spoke up in the middle of scarfing down a strawberry filled cake. "Actually, that was my request, Miss Cezelia Otis."

Bernie's head slowly turned to the pale genius, a scowl on her face. "So, ya meant me to bake you thirty dawgon cakes, fill and ice them, AND make dinnah for at least six people?!" she asked with a deadly calm. He nodded, not noticing her mood. "Yes," he replied, devouring his third cake. "Since you're our chef and maid, didn't you think that you would be making meals for the task force as well as sweets for me?"

_Why's he always getting' under my skin? Just cause I'm his hostage cook, NOBODY can make thirty cakes and dinner unless they're smokin' somethin' fierce!_ "True, but you gotta use some logic, chere," she replied huffily. "If you know someone else who can make that much food in that timespan, I'd like to see who they are!"

L nibbled on his finger (which burned Bernie something fierce; no wonder the fool looked like a mess!) and merely replied, "Perhaps you would be able to cook in the time I have given you if you were not arguing with me, Miss Cezelia Otis."

The entire room had so much tension that you could cut it with a knife. Bernie, who was turning red, turned on one heel and walked out the room. "Know that I ain't cursin' you for the reason that I'd be a higher Kira suspect, Mr. One Letter Name!" she yelled back, feeling her kittens at her heels. _Not to mention that Grandma Ghissie said that Voodoo spells against people should be used as a last resort…Still, I'm gonna have to correct this fool!_

After Bernie was done cursing in her head, she realized that she still didn't have what she needed for cooking dinner. "Oh, sonuva bitch!" she hissed, hastily scribbling down ingredients. She walked back into the living room and marched up to L. "I need someone to get these things for me, chere," she said stiffly. He nodded.

"Watari will be the one to gather your ingredients if they are not in the kitchen. He's in one of the other bedrooms at the moment; would you find him, Miss Cezelia Otis?" he said in his usual monotone. Bernie bit back her tongue and nodded, walking out. Before she left to find Watari, she turned on her heel to face the detective. "Hey, Mr. One Letter Name," she said gruffly, and he looked at her with mild disinterest. "If I'm gonna be yer hostage, how am I supposed to get to college during the week?"

L turned back and picked up the last cake and took a huge bite, covering his mouth with strawberry syrup. "I suppose that I could allow you to go to campus for classes each week," he said thoughtfully. "But I would have to supervise you during your classes and escort you there myself."

Bernie's left eye twitched, and she pouted. "I ain't a lil' kid, chere," she replied. "Besides, you got a case to solve, right? I'd only get in the way of yer schedule, so maybe you should just let me outta here, right?" She gave him a mischievous grin; he responded with a deadpan stare. "No, I believe it would be in both of our best interests to stay," he said. "Besides, I doubt you would want to leave now that I am tripling your salary to become my live-in employee."

The New Orleans girl's mind stopped for a moment. "T-Triple …my salary?" she squeaked, the gears in her head turning. Before she was arrested, she was being paid 500 dollars to clean the entire hotel (she always converted her yen to dollars in her head) a week, so L would really give her 1500 dollars per week? To clean ONE suite and cook?!

"Yes," he replied, looking back at another case file. "Is there something wrong with this?" A second later, all of her grievances with the pale detective disappeared for a few moments and she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him excitedly and kissing his cheeks.

"I just might like you yet, chere!" she exclaimed, her old habit of being too friendly while happyshowing for the first time. Finally, she realized that L may have been losing oxygen, and she restrained herself. "Er, thanks for the pay raise, Mr. One Letter Name," she said quietly, bowing. L, who seemed a little dazed by Bernie's sudden burst of affection. The police members and Light stared at them both, and Bernie flushed bright red with embarrassment. "Well, I'm off to get Watari to go shop for stuff," she said quickly, snatching up her list and walking out of the room. _Law, _she thought, _My boss already thinks I'm officially bonkers, and my first day ain't even over!_

**A/N**

**Yay, another chapter! By the way, the voodoo spell that Bernie uses for her room is an actual way that is used to protect the home from negativity and evil. Cool, right? The cake recipe is what I did after searching 'New Orleans desserts' on Google Chrome, and that one popped up after a few zillion recipes that all sound awesome came up. So, any thoughts? Comments? Flames? Praise? A body pillow of L? Well, whatever it is, share it with me via PM or review; I love em all (but if you have an L body pillow, that would be AWESOME to give me…pwease? (*fangirlish squeal*) **

**Love,**

**Everyonesfangirl13579**

**P.S. If you don't know "Lord of the Rings", the kittens are named after Bernie's two favorite characters in Lord of the Rings (I have a three way tie between Golum, Legolas, and Pippin. :3). Cool, right? **

**P.P.S While everyone knows of the Lord of the Rings movie by Peter Jackson, there's an animated film made in the 1970's that's usually either loved by fans or hated by them. In my opinion, they're both good, but they both have their flaws. By the way, both are gonna make an appearance in this story. WOOT!**


	4. Chapter 4

Bernie found Watari typing away at a computer with the letter 'W' on it. She knocked on the open door and said, " 'Scuse me, Mistah Watari, could you get some things from the store for me?" Watari nodded and took her list before heading out the door immediately. "Boy, he works fast," she muttered, walking back into the kitchen. "Hmm, the fish won't take too long, so I've got enough time before those fellas get too hungry. Still, I might as well see what they're up to now and ask if they want anything else." As she walked towards the computer room again, she saw that Misa was back and hanging onto Light on the couch.

"Oh Light, the cat scratches hurt so muuuuch!" she wailed, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend's chest. "Why is that maid so mean to Misa?" the obsessive girlfriend asked, pouting in an attempt of innocence. Bernie huffed and felt her fingers digging into her palms. Putting a sweet smile on her face, she walked over and patted the model's cheek. "Aw, Miss Misa, I think you're mistaken," she cooed. "See, I told you to move out the way once I saw Pippin open his eyes, so I can't be the one at fault." Misa glared at her, and Bernie smirked to herself as she walked up to L.

"Mr. One Letter Name," she asked, "You got anything else for me to do while Watari's gettin' mah fish?" L tore his eyes from his computers and held up his empty plates.

"Could you clean these plates off, Miss Cezelia Otis?" he asked, and Bernie shrugged as she took the stack of pastry dishes. "Sure, chere," she replied, walking out. "And could ya call me Bernie?" She swiftly rinsed off the dishes and carefully placed each one into the nearby dishwasher. Curious, she examined one of the plates she had cleaned to see its quality. "Oh, Law!" she nearly screamed, looking at the decoration and design. "This has to be worth at least 100 bucks!"

Turning red at her slight echo in the room, she placed the dish back into the washer and went into her room. "I need to calm down," she muttered. "Let's see what I've got around here…" Her kittens were playing with each other as she hunted for something comforting. Finally, she noticed a mini-fridge in her room that she remembered putting some of her personal food items inside. "Oh-God-yes!" she cried, her words blurring together as she sped to the fridge door. As she yanked the door open, she saw her favorite foods from home inside: Dark chocolate on the first shelf, saltine crackers on the second, and on the third shelf—

"Mangoes, mangoes, mangoes! My babies!" she cheered, grabbing three pieces of the fruit and wolfing down the first one feverishly. Sighing contentedly and savoring the sweet juice, she sprawled onto her bed and reached for one of her books that she had strategically stacked near her bedside. As she munched on her second mango, she flipped through 'The Hobbit' and smiled in bliss. _I could get used to this job, _she thought.

Her reading was interrupted by a knock at her door. "Come in, chere," she sang, and Matsuda's face appeared in her doorframe. "Hi Bernie," he said shyly. "Watari's been back with your groceries for a while, and some of the police members are kind of hungry now..." Bernie raised her eyebrows and shut her book while cradling her third mango. "Already? How long have I been in here since he came back?" Matsuda rubbed his head. "Uh, about a half hour or so," he replied. Bernie's eyes widened and she flew from her bed. "Oh God, I'm gettin' a late start!" she squealed, skidding into the kitchen.

Matsuda quickly followed her, startled by her panicked reaction. "S-Sorry! Watari was going to tell you, but then L wanted him to contact the Police Station in Tokyo and he's been held up for a long time," he explained. Bernie muttered under her breath as she whipped out what she needed and began grabbing a giant tub of shortening that was on the counter. "Gotta get the frying started, gotta get the frying started!" Merry and Pippin had escaped from the room via the opened door and teetered towards their owner in the kitchen.

While she worked, they were trying to walk between her legs, and she sighed in irritation. Bending down, she gave them a tired smile. "Merry and Pippin, you know I love yall," she said, trying to contain herself, "But I can't have yall makin' me trip while I make dinnah for these cops and Mr. One Letter Man!" They paid no attention to her and kept walking in a figure eight between her legs. Matsuda awkwardly put his hands in his pockets. "Um, do you want me to try and get them away from you?" he asked.

Bernie shrugged and lay the fish out while she made a 'cake' for it. "Okay, I need flour, lemon juice, and salt," she said. While she grabbed the ingredients, the cats made her trip and almost fall into the pantry. "Dawgon it!" she hissed, taking the three items and mixing them in a bowl. "Matsuda, could you take some of the leftover fish and feed them some? They'll leave me alone for a while if they have a lil' snack to eat." Matsuda nodded and pinched off a few fish bits. Immediately, Merry and Pippin scampered towards him and lightly clawed his pant legs.

Grinning at the cute kitties, Matsuda fed them the fish while Bernie looked at them, smirking. "I think they like ya, Matsuda," she said, "Especially now that you've got fish on your fingers…" Matsuda laughed, and in a flash, Bernie had coated the fish in her mixture and had plopped it in the frying pan. After a while, Misa and Light had walked out of the computer room and into the kitchen.

"Misa doesn't get it, Light-kun," she snapped, "Why won't you kiss me back?" "Misa, I'm in the same room as my Dad," Light argued. "It's strange being like that around him!" Bernie bit back a chuckle, but an audible snort was heard in the room. Misa's eyes narrowed, and she stomped towards Bernie. "Do you find something funny, Miss Maid?" she said huffily, trying to stand over her (though Bernie was a full 3 inches taller than her already).

Bernie felt a teasing smirk spread across her face. "Quite the opposite, chere," she replied, putting a hand to her forehead dramatically. "I simply can't believe Light wouldn't kiss a beautiful maiden like you!"

Misa raised her eyebrows, missing Bernie's sarcasm. "Misa knows, right?" she said, looking at Light angrily. "It's so unfair!"

Matsuda quietly walked into the computer room, while Merry and Pippin followed his fish flavored fingers. Light's smirk was evident at Bernie's remark, and Misa's lip trembled. "Light, this isn't funny!" she wailed, and Bernie ran her hands through her own blond hair.

"Do you need a cigarette?" she asked, yawning. Misa scowled at her again.

"Stop acting so self righteous!" the model snapped, putting her hands on her hips. "You're just a dumb maid that can barely speak right!"

Bernie's jaw tensed; did this Skinny Minny just tell her that? Her dark green eyes bored into Misa's own orbs. "I suggest you 'pologize for that crude insult, chere," she said in a low threatening voice. "Lest I lose mah patience."

Misa rolled her eyes. "Please," she replied, "YOU should be afraid of Misa, because Misa can—"

"Misa, don't start an argument," Light said, his voice tired. Bernie, ignoring the worry in his voice, laughed in Misa's face.

"Oh, honey," the maid giggled. "The day I'm scared of you is the day you don't wear makeup!"

Misa turned bright red and let out a puff of air. "Shut up, stupid maid!" she yelled shrilly. Bernie let out a fake yawn.

"Oh, that insult was _so _creative, Miss Misa," she drawled. "Give me somethin' good, sweetie." Misa's eye twitched, and she glared at Bernie. Finally, she crossed her arms and held her head up regally. "Misa doesn't wanna waste words on someone like _you,_" she said, sticking out her tongue.

Bernie raised an eyebrow. "That was pretty decent, darlin'," she remarked. "I'm impressed that someone without a brain stem could come up with that!"

The model growled and hissed like a stray cat. "If you don't stop being mean to Misa, Misa's telling Ryuzaki that you're being mean," she threatened.

Bernie giggled. "And he'll know that I can't help making fun of idiots," she replied. "It's a disorder I have." Misa's eyes were nearly red with fury. "Misa's not an idiot!" she screeched, and Bernie covered her ears.

"Sweet Jesus," the maid moaned, rubbing her ears. "I know crows that aren't as screechy as you, chere." Misa twitched.

"At least Misa's better than a backwoods hillbilly from America that has a bunch of mangy rats for pets!"

Bernie felt her veins pulse as Misa's words rang in her ears. "Did ya just call Merry and Pippin 'rats', sweetie?" she growled. Misa smiled smugly and crossed her arms.

"Uh huh," she said triumphantly, "What are you going to do about it?" _Oh, I'm gonna rip out yer eye sockets and mount that pretty lil' head of yours on a damn pike, _Bernie thought with venom.

After a while, she glanced at Light, and back at Misa. "Hey, Misa," she said gruffly. "You wanna know how Light likes kissin'?" Light tilted his head in confusion, and Misa's eyes narrowed. "How?" she asked, confused.

Smirking, Bernie put a hand on Misa's shoulder firmly. "The key is to kiss 'im like a 'backwoods hillbilly', ya see," she teased. For emphasis, she blew a long kiss to Light, and grinned as she walked back to flip the fish over. "And it don't hurt to have a lil' meat on your bones like I do; makes a guy absolutely infatuated with a gal that has hip to her hop!"

Misa's eyes were as wide as saucers. Before she could pounce on Bernie, Light grabbed her and pulled her into another room. Bernie, who was finishing up the fried fish and setting it onto plates, smiled in spite of herself. _Law, _she thought. _I've dated a lotta fellas and ladies in my life, but nobody has ever been that close to bein' a full blown harpy than Miz Misa! _She let out a small rumbling laugh as she carried the first few dishes into the computer room. _Law knows I'm gonna need a lot more mangoes if I'm not gonna put a bullet in my brain before this day's over, though…_

**A/N**

**I'm sorry for not updating, I'm sorry for not updating, I'm sorry for not updating! I completed one of my fanfics, and I've been writing up chapters for an upcoming one too, so I've been pretty busy. But now I'm back, and I'll be writing more frequently, I swear. By the way, that fried fish thing isn't an accurate recipe (I tried to remember one, but I only had a vague idea of the one I was thinking of), so don't try that at home. Anyway, how was this chapter? I know it's a lot shorter, so I'm sorry for that. Anyway, until next time, this is Everyonesfangirl13579 saying,**

**MANGOES MANGOES MANGOES!**


	5. Chapter 5

Bernie quickly served the police force dinner, and in minutes the plates had been completely polished off. "Well, yall must've been real hungry," she remarked, walking back to the kitchen to rinse off the dishes. When she came back, she sat down on a couch in the computer room next to Matsuda. Her cats had fallen asleep next to him, and she gave them both a soft pat on the head."So," she began tiredly, "What're yall up to in here, Matsuda?" Matsuda shrugged and pointed at a slew of papers that were scattered across a coffee table. "We're trying to narrow down suspects for Kira," he explained. "But it's been sort of hard…"

L was prodding his fried fish with one slender pale finger, and turned his head towards Bernie. "If I may give any input, Miss Cezelia Otis," he said, "Perhaps you should refrain from asking about the Kira case if you wish to not remain a suspect in the investigation." Bernie stiffened.

"If I could give any input, Mr. One Letter Name," she replied coolly, "Perhaps _you _could A., call me Bernie, like I asked you to do politely, and B., know that if I'm asking about the case, that means that it would be stupid of me to do if I actually was Kira, which I ain't." L gave her a glance that was as blank as his voice was monotonous. "Your reply lacks logic, Miss Cezelia Otis," he replied simply, looking back at his computer screen.

Bernie felt herself twitch. _I shouldn't be talkin' back to him, but this underfed hunched over fool is just itchin' me the wrong way, _she thought. "Could you elaborate, sir?" she asked, trying to remain polite. L shrugged in his seat and raised one finger.

"In the first place, your first complaint that I call you a name other than 'Bernie' against your wishes is within my right. If you wish to be called your desired name, then I shall do so once you call me by the name _I _prefer that you to address me by." Bernie ran her tongue behind her teeth, and put a hand on her forehead.

"Alright then," Bernie replied slowly. "What do I call you: Ryuzaki, L, or Boss?" She put her hands on her hips. "See, this is the problem with me calling you another name," she replied, "You've got so many names an' aliases that I dunno what to call you!"

L thought for a moment. "I would prefer 'Ryuzaki', or if you wish to remain professional, 'Mr. Ryuzaki'," he decided. Bernie nodded stiffly, and leaned back in her seat while the Task Force watched them both curiously. "Well then," the maid replied, "Now that that's taken care of, kindly enlighten me on what else is illogical about my arguments, Mr. Ryuzaki."

The detective held up two fingers this time. "Your theory involving asking about the Kira case isn't completely valid." Bernie raised a blonde eyebrow. "If you were Kira," L began, "Then asking about the Kira case would indeed be foolish." Bernie nodded.

"See, I told you!" she said triumphantly. "So it makes sense that I'm not K—"

"However," L continued, "A Kira suspect that wishes to look innocent would pretend to be innocent. For example, if you were indeed Kira, and you knew that the real Kira wouldn't ask about the case, then you _would _ask about the case to look innocent."

Bernie sighed and closed her eyes. "I've been checkmated again," she joked. "Ah well, you win, Mr. Ryuzaki." L shrugged and looked at his fish. When Bernie opened her eyes again, she noticed that L's food hadn't even been touched. Frowning, she walked up behind his chair and picked up his plate. "Mr. Ryuzaki," she chided, "You gotta eat; you're already wastin' away, and as your cook I gotta keep you fed. Now c'mon, have a few bites."

L looked at the fish with an uncertain look, and shook his head. "My main diet consists of sweets, Bernie," he replied. "You are only required to cook regular dishes for the other members of the Kira Task Force." Bernie shook her head.

"I prefer to keep you fed and healthy," she replied curtly, smiling bitterly. "But, if you ain't gonna eat it as it is…." The blonde patted his shoulder. "I'll be right back, Sugah," she replied, sauntering off into the kitchen. When Bernie made it to the counter, she ventured into the gigantic pantry to find what she had in mind. _I dunno what exactly he'd want on fried fish to make it sweeter, _she thought, scooping an armful of toppings and balancing the plate on her head. _But I know that I can make this boy eat! _

L was still on his computer when Bernie arrived again. Grinning mischievously, she set the containers of various toppings across the computer table: Maple syrup, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, butterscotch, caramel pieces, chocolate chips, vanilla icing, and cream cheese icing. L's eyes widened at the sweets on the table, and Bernie set the plate of fish in the middle of them all.

"I'm gonna make you regular food, chere," she explained, "But if you only want sweets, then I'll add any of these toppings that you want til' you're satisfied. That alright with you, darlin'?" L nodded and put a finger to his lips.

"This is a reasonable solution," he replied. "I can obtain more calories and still have sweets for every dish…My productivity would increase by at least 43.57%." He nodded at Bernie. "Thank you, Bernie."

Bernie shrugged. "Oh, it's nothin', Mr. Ryuzaki," she replied loftily. "So, what do you want me to put on the fried fish?" L thought for a moment, and finally came up with his request.

"Would you be able to cover it in melted chocolate chips, and after it hardens, could you add whipped cream and chocolate sauce on the top?" he asked, sounding very much like a small child seeing Santa Claus for the first time. Bernie nodded and placed the plate back on her head. "I could do that in my sleep, darlin'," she replied, about to laugh her head off at L's ecstatic expression. Before she could break into laughter, she hurried off to the kitchen to coat her fish in chocolate.

Within minutes, she had finished sweet-ifying L's fish and set it down in front of him. "There, all done sugarcoatin' your fish. Now please eat up, Mr. Ryuzaki," she ordered firmly, tapping his cheek and sitting on the couch to observe his reaction. Matsuda smiled at Bernie. "Wow," he remarked, "You just might be able to get Ryuzaki to eat something other than candy!" Bernie shrugged and pet her kittens absentmindedly. "Just beatin' him in an argument for once, Matsuda," she replied.

A few seconds later, Bernie put away L's now empty plate and popped her head in. "Anyone have the time right now?" she asked, and L immediately replied. "10:48 P.M." The maid's eyes widened. "It's already that late? Why didn't any of yall ask for somethin' to eat earlier?" she asked. L didn't reply as he was observing something on his computer. Bernie sighed. "Alright, I don't care either way. I'm gonna go to bed soon, so if you want me to eat or cook anything else, tell me now."

L still typed at his computer. "If you have any leftover melted chocolate chips in the kitchen, could you give the bowl to me?" Bernie hastily handed him the bowl and picked up Merry and Pippin to carry to her room. Sighing, she sat down on her bed and thought of what she needed to do. Finally, she got up and trudged into her bathroom. "Warm water…Oh, Law, I want some warm water…" Immediately, she grabbed a container of bubble bath and poured half the bottle into the tub of filling water.

While Merry and Pippin slept on her bed, Bernie snatched her copy of the Hobbit and sank into the bath, humming an old blues song. After about a half hour, someone knocked on her door. "What is it?" she sang, finishing up a chapter. A light sobbing came from behind the door, and Bernie frowned. "Hey now, who's cryin'?" she asked, confused. A few seconds later, a blur of blonde came rushing in, crying like crazy. "It's all your fault, you stupid mean maid!" Misa sobbed.

"Woah, woah!" Bernie said in surprise, grabbing a robe to cover herself. "What's all this, Miss Misa?" Misa glared at her through her tears. "Light-kun told me to leave him alone for the rest of the night, and it's your fault!" she shrieked.

Bernie rubbed her temples and took Misa's hand. "C'mon now," she said, annoyed at this sudden intrusion. "Sit down on my bed and tell me what you're talkin' about." _What the hell is this fool doing? _she thought irritably. _You'd think she'd be trying to kill me and not cry like this…_When they both made it to the bed, Misa covered her face and kept crying.

"After you were mean to Misa, Misa went with Light and tried to get comfort. But Light said that it was Misa's fault for starting an argument with a stupid maid like you! And we fought, and…and…He told Misa to leave him alooooone!"

Misa dissolved into another round of tears, and Bernie sighed. "Well," she said slowly, not sure how to feel about this, "I didn't wanna be so nasty towards ya, but you _did _call me a backwoods idiot. I got pride to protect, just like you, ya know."

Misa glared at her. "But you're trying to steal Light away from me," she spat acidly. "And I'm not letting you break us apart!" Bernie stared at her for a few seconds and then laughed. "Miss Misa," she cackled, "I ain't trying to get Light as a beau! I was just trying to mess with ya!" The model kept her glare. "I don't believe you," Misa replied. "You're lying to me! You love Light too! Admit it!"

Bernie shook her head solemnly. "Trust me, darlin', I am NOT goin' after your man. What do I have to prove to make you stop yellin' in mah ear?" she asked. Misa thought for a moment. "Well then," she said decisively. "Misa wants to know who you _do _like." Bernie shrugged.

"Right now, nobody," she replied. "What else do I need to prove to ya that I don't want Light as my man?" Misa thought again. "You have to help Misa and Light make up from our fight!" she demanded. Bernie shrugged.

"Sure, whatever, Miss Misa," she replied loftily. "Anything to keep you from coming after me with that fiery wrath…and that shrill voice."

Bernie glanced at Misa, sure that the young model was going to flip out on her again. However, Misa was beaming like crazy. "You're gonna help me and Light!" she squealed, wrapping her arms around Bernie. "You're so sweet, Bernieeee!" The New Orleans cook felt her ribs being squeezed, and she tapped Misa's shoulder.

"Miss Misa," she said in a strangled whisper, "I love ya too, but could you ease on the grip?" Misa nodded and released Bernie, and she grinned widely.

"We're gonna be best friends, right Bernie? This is gonna be fun; there aren't any other girls in the hotel that I can hang out with without Ryuzaki's permission!" Misa clapped her hands excitedly, and Bernie smiled wearily. _Law, I knew she was crazy, _she thought as Misa cheered. _But now she's actin' straight up bipolar! _

Misa leapt from the bed and headed out the door. "See you tomorrow, Bernie; we'll plan how I can make up with Light in the morning, okay?" Bernie shrugged and lay down on her bead. "Sure, chere," she replied. "See ya tomorrow!" Giggling, Misa headed out the door; as soon as her door shut, Bernie collapsed onto her bed. _What a dawgon crazy first day, _Bernie thought drowsily. _Lord knows what tomorrow's gonna be like!_


	6. Chapter 6

Bernie's sleep was undisturbed until roughly 6:00 am, when a rapid barrage of knocks came at her bedroom door. Sighing, Bernie slowly rose and turned her blonde head towards the door. "Who is it, chere?" she drowsily called, rubbing her eyes.

"It's Misa, silly!" a cheerful voice chirped. "C'mon, we have to get ready to help me win Light-kun back!" Bernie sighed and called back to the hyper model.

"Alright, Miss Misa, just give me a sec…" Numbly, she grabbed a pair of pants and a simple blue t-shirt to throw on. Before she was able to get out the door, she looked at her calendar and realized it was Monday. "Oh, you've gotta be kiddin' me," she muttered, looking back at the door. "I think we should reschedule, Miss Misa," she called.

Misa frowned in confusion and opened the door to greet her friend. "Why not, Bernie?" she asked, walking inside. Bernie stiffened and cursed before rummaging through her cabinets. Misa stared at the maid and tilted her head. "Did you forget something, Bernie-chan?"

Bernie shook her head and replied worriedly, "If a woman visits you early on a Monday mornin', ya get bad luck for the rest of the week! Dangit, I was looking forward to a good week after all this foolishness with Mistah Ryuzaki." Sighing, she opened up a drawer and took a lock of black hair that was inside and pinched it protectively. Misa bristled.

"Ew, why do you have hair in that drawer?" she asked, crinkling her nose as Bernie put the hair in her pocket. Bernie put her hands on her hips and frowned.

"A lock of a girl's hair is good luck," she said, fingering the lock. "I may have to take some more measures to make sure I'm not gettin' too much bad luck for the rest of the week…" Misa stared at the cabinets, a strange look in her eyes.

"Bernie-chan," she said slowly, "Is there anything in there that can help Light to be a sweeter boyfriend to me?" Bernie thought for a moment; they were entering dangerous territory. _Misa's asking for a love spell, _she thought worriedly. _But with her, is she asking for genuine love from Light, or…..possessive love?_ "Maybe that's not a good idea, Miss Misa," Bernie said slowly. "We'll find a safer way to get you and Light back, alright?"

Misa frowned. "But why not?" she asked, her hand on her hip. Bernie shifted, and thought for a moment. _Well, I could just give her the safest one I know and she wouldn't have to suffer in case she wants a possessive love spell. Alright then Bernie, the Honey Jar it is! _

Bernie smiled warmly. "Y'know, I think there's one spell that just might help you out after all, Miss Misa!" she said. Misa brightened and cheered. "Really, Bernie? Let's do it!" she said eagerly.

Bernie shuffled around in her cabinets until she had a small glass jar cradled in her arms. "What I've got in mind is one method that's helped people with yer predicament, Miss Misa," she explained. "It's called the 'Honey Jar' spell. Used to sweeten up a lovah." Misa grinned and looked on at the jar in keen interest.

"That sounds perfect, Bernie-chan! Let's get started right a—"

Misa was interrupted as another visitor entered Bernie's room, this time an old man. "Hi, Watari," Misa said cheerily. Watari gave a polite nod towards the girl and looked over at Bernie.

"Miss Bernie, Ryuzaki wishes for you to cook breakfast for the Kira Task Force in a short while," he said, giving a slight bow. Bernie nodded and carefully placed her jar back onto a nearby table before grabbing her maid's uniform and slipping it on in her bathroom, expertly and swiftly dressing and walking out.

"Ready for duty, Mistah Watari!" she said as brightly as possible, trying to get her mind off of her week of bad luck to come. Watari smiled and left the room. Misa went to grab the jar, but Bernie made it first and shook her finger. "No, no, Miss Misa," she chided, "I gotta be the one to take charge in this here spell, so I can't let you near my things, alright?"

Misa pouted and huffed. "Okaaaay," she sighed, following Bernie out the door. "But we can still plan while you cook, right?" Bernie nodded absentmindedly and strolled into the computer room, where the task force was still investigating. L was still at his computer as usual, the police members were walking around the room from time to time, handing each other papers, and of course there was—

"Liiiiiight!" Misa squealed, running to pounce on her 'love'. Light prepared for the impact and got into a bracing position, but Bernie held back the girl before she could crush poor Light.

"Miss Misa," she warned sweetly, "You don't wanna crush Light to death, do ya?" Misa frowned and shook her head, and Bernie let her go. Giving a wink to Light, she put her hands on her uniformed hips and grinned. "So, boys, what do yall want to eat this mornin'?"

The task force members each asked for the same thing (which was a little strange to Bernie; it made them all seem like they had one mindset!): Steamed rice with miso soup. Bernie raised an eyebrow. "Somethin' so simple?" she asked, giving a dramatic frown. "Alright…." She walked up to L. "And what will you be havin', Mistah Ryuzaki?" she asked, a smirk on her face. _A hundred bucks says somethin' sweeter than sugar, _she thought dryly to herself.

L looked at his maid, a few pieces of candy in his mouth. After he had swallowed them all, he asked, "Do you know how to make beignets, Bernie?" Bernie nodded and smiled widely.

"Definitely, chere; I make 'em every few Sundays or so to send to Grandma Ghissie!" she replied. L nodded and unwrapped another piece of candy.

"Then I would like beignets for breakfast, and if you could add a side of blackberry jam, that would be most suitable," he said finally, turning back to his computer. Before Bernie walked into the kitchen, she noticed the small mountain of wrappers that were coating various parts of L's desk. Immediately, she turned almost white in disgust and bit her lip to keep from hyperventilating. Before she could have a nervous breakdown, she rushed to grab the plastic wrappings and toss them into a trash can.

Once the final wrapper was in the trash can and off L's desk, she sighed and pinched her palms to calm down. "Law, Mistah Ryuzaki," she breathed, "How do you live having all that trash around you?" L merely unwrapped another candy and looked at her, his face blank and emotionless, if a bit sleep-deprived.

As he ate, he replied, "In all honesty, I work best when I'm surrounded by familiar objects, candy wrappers included. Though if I had to assume why you are so uncomfortable with unorganized items, it would be because of your severe ataxophobia. Am I correct?" Still trying to recover from those wrappers, she nodded tensely before briskly rushing into the kitchen, still gasping for small breaths of air.

Sighing, she leaned on the kitchen counter and covered her head in her hands. "Okay, calm down, calm down, Bernie," she muttered to herself. "All the trash is cleaned up, and ya can move on now…" Taking a deep final breath, she mentally listed what she needed for everyone's breakfast and carried armfuls of ingredients. "Miso soup and rice is gonna be easy," she said, preparing it with ease as she eyed the items for the beignets. When the soup and rice was ready, Bernie gave a small battle cry before rushing towards the food. "Yaaaah!"

About ten minutes later, the dough was ready and the police force's food was ready. Bernie wiped a flour caked hand across her forehead and dished out the food before scurrying back to the computer room. "Alright, boys," she said quickly. "Eat up!" Before they could speak, Bernie was already back to the kitchen, where Misa was waiting.

"Hey, Bernie-chan," she said, giving a small wave. "Ready to plan?" Bernie nodded as she cut, formed, and placed the dough on a platter and leaned on the counter. "Sure, Miss Misa," she replied, walking into her room to fetch the empty jar. "I got about an hour 'til the dough is ready to go."

Misa gleefully took the jar and grinned. "So, this will really make Light nicer towards me, Bernie-chan?" she asked hopefully. Bernie smiled and put an elbow on Misa's shoulder.

"Darlin'," she laughed, "If there's one thing I know, it's that my magic always works. Now, let's get started!" Misa gave a small salute and put the jar on the counter. Bernie put a finger to her lips and scanned her brain for what she'd need. "Alright, Miss Misa," she began. "We're gonna need some honey, some sugar, some virgin paper—"

"What's virgin paper?" Misa asked, wrinkling her eyebrows. Bernie walked to the pantry to grab the sugar and honey as she talked. "Virgin paper is paper that ain't been used yet, chere," she explained. "Most use a Popsicle stick instead, but I like the old ways bettah." Misa nodded, and Bernie set out the sugar and honey.

Bernie put a hand on her hip. "What else, what else…Oh yeah, a red candle and some Dove's Blood Ink. I got those in my room; follow me, Miss Misa." Misa followed Bernie back to her quarters.

Misa winced as she thought of what Bernie had said. " 'Dove's Blood Ink'?" she asked, uncertain. "Like, ink made from Dove's Blood?" Bernie rummaged through her cabinets until she had a candle, an ink bottle, and a feather quill in her hands.

"Not quite, chere," Bernie explained gently, walking back to the kitchen. "Grandma Ghissie uses ink that she blesses at Queen Marie's grave, and then mixes it with a bit o' dove's blood. Y'know, for love charms and spells and the like." Misa tilted her head, and Bernie answered her question before she even asked it. "Queen Marie's one of the most famous voodoo queens in the world," she said. "Always helpin' the unfortunate with her spells and everyone absolutely loved her in her day. Some are even petitionin' for her to be an official saint!"

Misa nodded, and Bernie carefully measured out 2 cups of honey and a small pinch of sugar, and set it aside next to the candle, ink, and quill. "Oh," she remarked, hurrying back to her room, "Dawgon it, I forgot the virgin paper!" Quickly, she grabbed a piece of untouched paper and gently placed it onto the table.

"Alright, Miss Misa," she said. "Now you gotta write Light's name three times on here, okay?" Misa nodded and used the quill to write down Light's name three times, smiling dreamily as she wrote. Bernie nodded. "There ya go, chere, just like that. Next, turn the paper sideways and write your name over his name three times; it should look like a lil' tic tac toe board." Misa complied, and Bernie stared at the paper.

Bernie pointed at the paper. "Next, go and fold the paper three times towards yourself, and drop it in the jar." Misa nodded and folded it until it became a small square, and carefully placed it onto the bottom of the jar. Bernie handed Misa the honey and sugar. "Now, pour in the honey and sugar to fill up the jar, darlin'."

Misa frowned. "Hey, Bernie-chan," she said slowly, "Why don't you do the spell? Wouldn't that make more sense, since you know how to do it already?" Bernie shook her head as Misa began to drizzle the honey.

"Not for a love spell, Miss Misa," she explained, watching the honey lazily fall into the glass container. "If _I _did it, then Light would be fallin' for lil' old moi. You wouldn't want that, would ya?" She smirked as Misa scowled to herself and poured the honey out at a faster rate.

Misa then took the pinch of sugar and sprinkled it on top, and Bernie rubbed her hands together. "There is one thing that I can do before we use the candle, though," she said. "It would make the bottle, and the spell, stronger." The lovesick model nodded eagerly. "Let's do it!" Misa said. Bernie chuckled at Misa's blind enthusiasm, and whipped out a bottle of oil that she kept in her pocket.

Slowly, Bernie ran her fingers down the length of the bottle, tapped it three times, and tried as hard as possible to envision Light acting nicer towards Misa. _It may not happen,_ she thought, _But this is the best spell that I know to help Misa without resortin' to darker measures…_

Misa watched as Bernie put a flat hand over the top of the bottle, and lightly pounded the top of it with her other hand. Afterwards, Bernie dipped her fingers in the oil and swirled her fingers around the rim, and then drew a small cross on one side. She opened her eyes and looked at Misa. "Alright, the last thing we need before we seal the jar is one little strand of your hair, Miss Misa," she nodded slowly, and tugged on a strand of blonde hair until it was resting in her palm. _I can't believe this will make Light a better boyfriend, _she thought. _I'm kind of reminded of something else I did for Light in the past, but…what __**was **__it? _

Smiling warmly, Bernie took the strand and placed it in the jar before screwing the top on tight. After that, she picked up the red candle and the quill. "Next, you gotta write Light's name on one side, and on the other side, write what ya want to happen in a clear way. Got it, chere?" Misa nodded and dipped the quill in the ink before scribbling Light's name, and writing 'To make Light Yagami act sweeter towards his girlfriend, Misa Amane!'.

Bernie smirked at the written description and put the candle on top of the jar before taking a match to it. As the flame burned, Bernie looked back at Misa. "Next, we wait for the candle to burn out. Lucky for you, darlin', this is one of mah smaller candles and it'll burn out in about a half hour or so. Then after that, any time you think Light's acting sour towards ya, ya shake the jar and chant 'Sweet ,sweet thoughts of me/ You will think constantly'." Misa raised her eyebrows.

"That's all?" she asked, and Bernie nodded. "That's all, chere." Misa smiled widely and wrapped her arms around Bernie's waist, giggling like crazy. "Thaaaank you, Bernie-chan!" she squealed. Bernie shrugged and hugged back, trying not to cover Misa in flour.

"No problem, Miss Misa," she replied. "I hope it works out for ya!" While Misa was still cheering, neither girl noticed a Shinigami watching them both. _Hmm, _it thought, lazily observing the two humans. _I haven't seen a human use weird magic like that before. At least, not in Japan. Maybe she can get me some apples until Light gets his memory back. _Shrugging, Ryuk watched them for a little while, trying to keep out of Bernie's sight. _If she's able to do stuff like that, she can probably see spirits, _he thought to himself. He grinned. _In that case, I think I have someone to get rid of my boredom until Light comes back…_

After a few seconds, Ryuk wandered off to explore the city and fly overhead. Bernie looked at a nearby clock and noticed that an hour had passed since she had entered the kitchen. "Dangit, I forgot the beignet dough!" she said, rushing to prepare the dough and start heating the oil. Misa watched as the oil turned started sizzling, and Bernie plopped the dough in as she rolled them around until they were a golden brown. Humming feverishly, she sprinkled some confectioner's sugar on top, and then placed a large glob of blackberry jam on the side of the plate.

Misa stared at the pastries with wide eyes, and Bernie held up a beignet. "Want one, Miss Misa?" she asked. "I got about twenty here, and L could stand to give one up." Misa reached out, but hesitated and stopped.

"Oh, no thanks," she replied, placing a hand on her stomach. "Things like that make you fat, and I can't gain anything for my next photo shoot!" Bernie shrugged and walked into the computer room. "Suit yourself, Miss Misa," she replied over her shoulder. "Though I already think you look _too _skinny already." Humming to herself, she stepped inside the computer room and left Misa alone with the honey jar.

L saw the beignets and nearly had a spasmodic attack. "…" Bernie smirked and held up a hidden jar of chocolate syrup. "If you want, I've got this for ya too, Mistah Ryuzaki," she replied teasingly, holding the bottle with two fingers. L nodded mutely as he looked back at his computer while drenching a beignet in chocolate syrup and jam, and taking a big bite.

After eating about five more in the span of two seconds, he looked up at Bernie. "I'm quite impressed by your skill, Bernie," he said, his monotone still in his voice. "These are very well made." Bernie shrugged. "I make 'em a lot, so I guess I've got a lotta practice," she replied nonchalantly. She muttered under her breath, "But I haven't done any love spells in a long while, that's for sure."

"What?" "Nothin', Mistah Ryuzaki, nothin'…"

**A/N**

**Woah, this just might be the longest chapter yet! So, as you may have noticed, this story is taking place while Light and Misa had their memories gone, which is why Misa can't see Ryuk. And is that foreshadowing I see coming from lovely Ryuk? I believe it is, boys and girls! Anywho, a while back a reviewer asked if I could make a little pronunciation and definition thing for the voodoo terms and New Orleans words Bernie uses. So, I've decided to grant the reviewer's wish, because it makes sense to help clear up certain terms to those that don't know a whole lot about voodoo. Here they are!**

**Chere- (pronounced 'Share') Means 'darling' in French/French Creole, and is used as a term of endearment.**

**Gris-Gris/Gris-Gris Bag- (pronounced 'Gree Gree') Used in voodoo and hoodoo often, gris-gris bags are bags with specific items for the user's intended purpose. For example, if a person wanted good luck, they would fill their gris-gris bag with items associated with luck. Also, numbers play an important part in gris-gris bags when deciding the quantity of items. 7, in particular, is a number used often for gris-gris bags associated with luck.**

**Queen Marie- One of the most famous voodoo users around, Marie Leaveau was a practitioner of voodoo and hoodoo in the mid 1800's to help the unfortunate. Her services were free of charge, and she performed exorcisms, told futures, and used charms and spells to help the sick, hungry, and poor. Her tomb is often visited by many to offer prayers, give tokens of affection, and used to bless items used in voodoo spells. As a Catholic, she was also very involved in the church, and many of her beloved followers to this day are trying to make her an official Catholic saint.**

**Honey Jar Spell- A spell used very often in Louisiana voodoo especially. This spell is not just for lovers though; people who have arguments will also often use this spell to try and mend broken bonds between family, friend, and love alike. The specific spell that I used for reference in this chapter is one many use, and if you want to take a look (because links on are really not working on my stories lately), I can PM it to you.**

**Voodoo Doll- An item that practically EVERYONE knows is associated with voodoo and hoodoo practices. However, these can either be used to curse victims (as commonly portrayed by many), or to bless and help targets. Pins are used in blessings to pin a picture or name to the doll, while to harm them they are also used to affect a certain area with pain.**

**Beignets- (pronounced 'Ben-yays') A common pastry in New Orleans, LA. It is a very sweet and sumptuous treat, fried and usually given with jam or other toppings and fixings on the side. By Kira, they are delicious as heck!**

**These are all the definitions I could find, but if I missed one yall can let me know. Until next time, cheries!**

**Love,**

**Moi**


	7. Chapter 7

After the love spell with Misa, the days and weeks passed by, blurring together with the usual work schedule that Bernie had gotten used to. Most of the time, Bernie would stay up almost as late as L to make more snacks for him while he investigated into the wee hours of the morning. At around three in the morning one night, Bernie noticed that L was acting even more separated than usual. As she set down a plate of brownies, she tapped his shoulder. "Mistah Ryuzaki," she asked, "You alright? You've been actin' kinda blue, lately." L kept his eyes on his computer.

"Truth be told, I haven't been very motivated to solve the Kira case as of late," he replied. Bernie raised an eyebrow and frowned. "And why is that, chere? Most of the time when we're in here, all you do is talk about catchin' Kira!" L took a bite of a brownie, and Bernie noticed the bags under his eyes were darker than the last time she had seen them.

Bernie stared at him, trying to read his face; there was something off about him… "You need to sleep," she said simply, watching L devour the last of the brownies. L shook his head.

"I don't require sleep, Bernie," he said, typing something on his computer. "Besides, if I sleep my mobility decreases by at least 87 percent, and my productivity while I sleep is reduced by 100 percent." Bernie shook her head. _Everyone has to sleep, _she thought, her maternal instincts taking her over. _Besides, from all the sugar he has, he's bound to crash sooner or later! _"Mistah Ryuzaki, at some point you need to rest," she said stubbornly, picking the empty plate up. "What if you fall sleep tomorrow while ya investigate and don't wake up for a real long time? What'll the task force do while you go through your sugar crash?"

L stared intently at his computer screen and replied, "Watari would take my place until I rest," he replied. "Though I have never had a sugar induced hibernation, so that's merely a hypothetical thought." Bernie shook her head to herself again, and tilted her head. _That fool's gonna fall asleep soon, _she thought. _I can feel it, and so can he! I gotta remedy this soon though, before he just darn passes out one of these days._ Suddenly, an idea popped into her head, and she smiled motherly at L.

"You want some more brownies, Mistah Ryuzaki?" she asked, and L nodded. "That would be beneficial at the moment, Bernie," he replied, concentrating on a video file on his computer. Nodding, Bernie hummed a slow lullaby loud enough for the detective to hear as she made her way into the kitchen. _Looks like I'm gonna hafta help 'im get better, _she thought to herself.

After making enough batter for fifteen more brownies, before Bernie put them into the oven, she crept into her room, where Merry and Pippin were sound asleep on top of the small refrigerator. Giving them a small pat on the head, she bent down to search for a certain vial in one of her many cabinets. "Aha!" she whispered, whipping out a small container with a small label reading 'Ghislaine Otis's Sleeping Draught: For those who just can't get to bed!'. Slipping the vial into her front pocket, Bernie stalked back into the kitchen and saw that Watari was at the counter, standing as if he was waiting for her to arrive.

"Bernie," he said in a warm but serious tone, "What is in the vial that you have in your pocket?" Bernie stiffened; he had seen her? She fingered the cold glass and bit her lip.

"Now look, Mistah Watari," she said, taking out the draught, "I ain't lookin' to poison Mistah Ryuzaki. But I've known him enough to know when he's too tired to go on, and I can just tell he's about to just crash onto a pillow soon." She handed him the vial. "He was refusin' to sleep for a little while, so I decided to see if I could _make _him sleep. He just seems so exhausted!"

Watari examined the bottle and looked back at Bernie. "You are correct, my dear," he said, placing the vial on the counter. "Ryuzaki is overexerting himself to exhaustion on the Kira case; As a matter of fact, I have been trying to coerce him into sleep or relaxation for a long time, but he has refused to rest until the case is solved." Bernie nodded and braced herself for a tongue lashing about trying to drug her boss, no matter how tired he seemed.

"However," Watari said, "While I don't wish to take this kind of action, I am unable to think of another choice besides chloroforming him or merely waiting for it to come naturally. And quite frankly I believe it would be better for him to sleep now rather than in the middle of a briefing." Silently, he handed Bernie the vial, and she looked up at him in surprise. His eyes had a clever shine to them, and he winked before turning away.

"I have no control over your actions, Madam," he said carefully, walking off down the hall to L's room. "And whatever you do in the next few minutes, I shall have no idea as to what you're adding to Ryuzaki's dessert, nor will I say otherwise." Bernie smiled and chuckled to herself when she saw his shadow disappear, and carefully mixed in the sleeping drug with about a half cup of extra sugar into the batter. Still humming the same lullaby from earlier, she set the pan into the oven and leaned on the counter, thinking of her mischief.

Bernie carried the tray of 'special' brownies and placed them in front of L. "Maybe these'll make ya feel better, chere," she said, eyeing the drugged pastries. L looked away from his computer screen and gave Bernie a soul-piercing stare. "Bernie," he said slowly, "What was it that you put in the batter for these brownies?"

The maid stiffened slightly and felt her fingernails pinching her palms; how could he have known?! "Whaddya mean, Mistah Ryuzaki?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. L pointed at a corner of his computer screen, where Bernie saw a small compilation of hidden camera screens. L pressed a button that rewinded footage in the kitchen to show Bernie and Watari talking, and then Bernie adding the vial to the batter.

"What did you add to these?" he asked, placing a pale hand over the brownies. _There wasn't any sound from the cameras, _Bernie thought. _He probably doesn't know about the sleepin' potion.. _Quickly, Bernie thought up a convincing lie and smiled, acting embarrassed. "Ya caught me, Mistah Ryuzaki," she said, grinning sheepishly. "I added a bit of Grandma Ghissie's vanilla extract from home to them. I wanted to see if you'd notice a change in the flavor a lil' bit, so I wanted to make it a surprise."

L nodded, but looked as though he didn't fully believe her. "I see," he said slowly. He picked up a brownie and took a bite. Bernie pinched her palms again and added, "I didn't have a whole lot in the vial, so I dunno how much it tastes different." After a few silent minutes, L had finished the last brownie while Bernie looked on expectantly. "They taste slightly different," L decided. "I didn't taste any vanilla, but you did add a lot more sugar to this batch, so it may have masked the taste…."

Bernie saw him sway slightly, and put a hand on his shoulder. "You alright, chere?" she asked. L nodded slowly, his eyes drooping slightly. "I suddenly feel….extremely drowsy," he yawned. "My mobility and movement speed are decreasing by 13.6 percent every few seconds…." Bernie smiled to herself; her plan was working perfectly!

"See, chere?" she chided playfully, giving his head a light tap. "I told ya that you'd fall asleep sooner or later." L didn't respond as he fell out of his chair. Bernie squeaked and jumped to catch him before his head hit the floor. "Woah there, don't up and hit yer noggin'!" she said to L's sleeping form. With a little effort, Bernie had managed to sit L upright in his chair. _I can't carry him all the way to his room without breakin' my back, _she thought. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers and headed into the hallway. _I'll just get Watari! _

The young woman walked down the hall and saw Watari in L's room, looking on L's private computer. "Uh, Mistah Watari," she asked, "Could you help me carry Mistah Ryuzaki to his room? I ain't that strong…" Watari nodded and followed Bernie to the computer room, where L was as still as a stone. Immediately, he picked up L and lightly slung him over his shoulder. Bernie raised an eyebrow as she and Watari went to L's bedroom.

"Ya seem like you've carried him like this before," she remarked, and Watari nodded. "Before Ryuzaki was able to prolong sleep to the extreme that he uses today, as a child he would often fall asleep out of the blue every few weeks. As you can see, it's been quite a while since those times, but I'm still able to lift him at this age."

Bernie nodded and opened the door to L's room, and Watari lowered L onto a bed. "Hey," she said, leaning on the doorframe. "Are you Mistah Ryuzaki's father, Mistah Watari? I know yall don't look alike, but yall are so close and you've obviously known him since he was a kid…" Watari smiled and shook his head as they both watched L.

"Actually," Watari replied, "Ryuzaki is an orphan, and I have been his caretaker ever since he first arrived at the orphanage."

Bernie raised an eyebrow. "In that case, we've got somethin' in common," she replied somberly, eyeing the detective. She turned and smiled at Watari. "Though I bet that you probably make a great grandpa for Mistah Ryuzaki." He smiled and nodded.

Watari prepared to leave, and turned back at Bernie. "Because Ryuzaki is going to be out of commission for a short while," he said. "I am going to have to fill in as L for a meeting with the Japanese Police Force tomorrow." He looked at Bernie. "As such, I will not be able to watch over Ryuzaki when he finally wakes. Unfortunately, when he sees I am not here, he will become very….wary." Bernie nodded, and Watari asked, "Would you be able to keep an eye on him, Bernie, so he won't harm himself?"

The maid nodded. "Sure, I'll babysit 'im for awhile," she said. Watari smiled. "Thank you, Bernie." He left, leaving Bernie alone with L while he slept.

_He looks so adorable like this, _she thought, chuckling. _Almost like he's a sleeping baby panda! _She looked around the room, and back at L. "I've got a lot of time on my hands 'til he wakes up," she said out loud, getting up to go to her room for a minute or two. "I should probably get a book or somethin'."

After grabbing 'The Hobbit', a few mangoes, and a small stack of old letters from Grandma Ghissie, Bernie made it back to L's room. After setting the mangoes on a small end table, she leaned down onto the side of the bed that L wasn't sleeping on and started reading while still humming the same lullaby and looking back at L every few seconds.

Smiling to herself, she read letter after letter, almost hearing the voices of the writer and reader until she felt that she was about to cry. _Ryuzaki and I really do have somethin' in common, _she thought, tracing one letter with her fingers. _I wonder if he remembers his parents though…_

**A/N**

**Yeah, I made the cheesiest chapter ending for this one, but I couldn't help it. :3**

**Not a whole lot to say in this A/N, so I guess I'll let you go on your merry way. See ya, gentle-readers!**

**Love,**

**Everyonesfangirl13579**


	8. Chapter 8

***********October 13****th****, 1990. New Orleans, Louisiana***********

"**Bernie," an old woman said, her voice like cracked leather, "I got a special birthday gift for you this year." An eight year old girl grinned at the old woman, a curious shine in her green eyes. "What is it, Grandma Ghissie? Is it the head of the snake from a few days ago?" **

**Grandma Ghissie shook her finger and laughed. "Don't you remind me of that snake, chere; I swear, no child I know has evah killed a snake with only her hands 'til you were foolish enough ta try it!" Young Bernie laughed and eyed the brightly wrapped box in front of her grandma. **

"**Well, what's my special present?" she asked. **

**Grandma Ghissie pushed the box forward, and tapped the top of it. "Go on and see, girl."**

**Bernie ripped apart the wrapping to find a big brown leather bag staring up at her. "A purse?" she asked, feeling the leather with her palm. Grandma took the bag and opened it to reveal that inside the box was filled to the brim with old letters, the paper a creamy white. **

"**Those letters in this here bag are letters that your mama and daddy wrote to each other a long time ago," Ghissie explained. "All them letters are as early as when they started courtin' to a few days before you was born." She smiled down at her granddaughter. "I been savin' them 'til you were old enough, and I think now's the time."**

**The young girl picked up a letter and lifted the envelope flap to read a note written from her father to her mother. **

'_**Darling Marie,**_

_**I can't believe that we're going to have a little angel in no time flat! It seems like only yesterday that I was a foolish teenage boy racing you down a muddy hill and getting a whoopin' from your momma. I know I can't see you right now since I'm out of town with my brother, but know that every day without you is like a bird not having no wings. I've been wonderin' what our baby girl is gonna look like; is she gonna have your big angelic eyes? My crooked nose? I've even drawn a few sketches of what our baby girl might look like when she's all grown up.'**_

**Bernie stopped and noticed a drawing of a young woman that looked like what she had seen of her parents in old photos. "Was he drawin' me, Grandma?" she asked, pointing at the picture. Ghissie nodded. "He sure was, girl," the old woman replied, looking down at the picture. "He wasn't too far off, neither; you and that drawing both look almost exactly like yo mama!"**

**Bernie nodded and kept reading.**

'_**I bet she'll look more like you then me, but I bet she'll be as naughty as me, if not more. But in a few weeks, I'll be able to look at her and see for myself if I'm right about her when she comes into this world of ours. I'll see you in a few days, my darling bijou.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Johnny'**_

**Bernie looked up at Grandma Ghissie. "He got to see me, right, Grandma?" she asked. Her grandma nodded and folded up the letter. "He did, baby, he did," she replied. **

**Bernie looked down. "But he didn't get to see Mama," she said somberly. " 'Cause she left a little while after I was born." Ghissie put a hand on her granddaughter's shoulder.**

"**I know, sweetie," she said, holding Bernie warmly. "But it was time for yo Momma to go a lil' while after you was born. And yo Daddy was heartbroken when she was gone, but he had you to love." **

**Bernie frowned and hugged her grandmother. "But that don't make no sense," she said. "Why did he leave too if he still had me, Grandma Ghissie?" Ghissie felt a tear roll down her cheek, but she wiped it before her granddaughter could see. "I still can't explain why very well," the shop owner said. "But if I had to guess, I'd have to say that as much as he loved you, the sadness in him was too much for him; and he gave you to me before going to see yo Mama a few months after she had left."**

**There was a long silence, and finally Bernie smiled at the bag of letters. "But now I get to live with you, Grandma," she said. "And I can read these letters to kinda see them too!" Ghissie nodded and smiled, petting Bernie's blonde hair. **

"**That's right, chere," she said, her voice waving a little. "You always got me, no matter what happens, you hear?" Bernie nodded, and the two looked around the voodoo supply stop together, both of them thinking of the same two people.**

************14 Years Later/Present Day, Japan.***********

Bernie held her favorite letter in her arms as L was still sleeping. This was the only letter that she read aloud every time that she read it, and since L was the only one that could hear her, she was able to read to her heart's content. Smiling, she read the final words and lay down on the bed. "Love, Johnny." She sighed and folded the letter before placing it on the nightstand. "Aw, Daddy," she chuckled, "Ya sure knew how to sweet talk a woman…"

L was still asleep as Bernie stared at a clock, which read '7:00 AM'. "Dang," Bernie remarked, looking back at L's sleeping form. "You've been asleep for a full four hours, chere!" Suddenly, she jumped up. "Oh, I gotta make breakfast for everybody!" she moaned, rushing out the door. Bernie stopped on her way to the computer room. _I hafta wait beside Mistah Ryuzaki 'til he wakes up though, _she reminded herself. Slowly, she trudged back to L's room and sat down on the bed again.

"I wonder what he's dreamin' about," she said out loud, staring at L. "I wonder if he even remembers what dreams are." She sighed and lay down on the bed, feeling her eyes begin to droop. _Ugh, I've been awake for 21 hours now…_ Bernie shook her head and slapped herself across the face. _No, keep it together, Bernie; you gotta stay awake till Mistah Ryuzaki wakes up! _ Yawning, she rummaged in her pockets until she found a bottle of caffeine pills. Normally, Bernie only took them if she needed to pull an all nighter for college or go through a long work day, but at this time they seemed more necessary than ever.

Immediately, Bernie swallowed two pills and continued watching L as he slept. "Fool doesn't even have any covers to keep warm," she muttered, throwing some blankets over the slumbering detective. Satisfied, she lay back down on the bed and sang to herself to try and stay awake. "There's a rat loose in my house," she sang softly, swaying her hips and legs slightly. "And he only comes out when I'm not at hooooome…" The maid smirked and added, "Dirty rat!"

Bernie laughed to herself and grabbed a mango from the nearby end table to eat as she waited for L to wake up. _The sooner he wakes up, the sooner I can go sleep, _she thought determinedly. _Sleep….Sleep….I wanna sleep. _The maid felt herself dipping her head and widened her eyes. "C'mon, stay awake, stay awake," she muttered, snapping her fingers in front of her face.

After about an hour, Bernie's caffeine pills were wearing off and L was still asleep. She sighed and yawned, leaning against a pillow. "Dawgon it," she muttered drowsily, "I can't take it anymore!" Yawning again, she finally sank into a blank sleep, her problems in the real world melting into a peaceful, empty, dreamless sleep.

Bernie felt something under her head move while she slept, and slowly, she opened her eyes and looked around. "Nggh," she mumbled, her vision clearing. "What's goin' on?" A few seconds later, she realized what was 'going on'; L was tossing and turning in his sleep while frowning and muttering.

"Bells," he muttered, which was the only intelligible word Bernie could understand. The maid frowned and lay her head back on her pillow. _L's havin' a nightmare, _she thought sleepily. Sighing, she forced herself to wake up and try to calm L down.

"Come on, chere," she mumbled, putting a hand on L's pale forehead. "Calm down and go to sleep." She pat a drowsy hand on his cheek awkwardly, and suddenly L's eyes shot wide open. He let out a bloodcurdling scream and gripped Bernie's tan hand so tight that the poor girl cried out. "Ow, sonuva bitch!" she hissed, trying to pull her hand free. After a few tugs, she broke free, and a pounding came at the door.

"Is everything okay in there?" Bernie heard Aizawa shout. Bernie ran up to the door and yelled back, "Everything's fine!"

Finally, she took a deep breath and moved L's face with her free hand so that he could see her. "C'mon, Ryuzaki," she said as softly as possible. "It's just me; you were havin' a nightmare!" L's wide and frightened eyes cleared, and he relaxed before releasing her hand. Even though he had let go of Bernie's hand, his eyes were still wide in terror; he fell onto his side, wrapping his arms around himself.

"Wh-Where is Watari, Bernie?" he asked quietly. Bernie put a hand on his shoulder, trying to keep him calm before he had another freakout.

"Since you fell asleep, he had to be L today," she explained soothingly. "So he's havin' a meetin' with the Japanese Police Force in your place. He's fine, chere, trust me." L nodded slowly, and rose from the bed, looking annoyed.

"As you can see," he said distastefully, "This is a main factor of my decision to avoid sleeping; I dislike waking up in a different or strange environment without someone I trust in close proximity." Bernie nodded mutely. _Well, I guess he doesn't consider me trusted, _she thought. _Then again, I DID drug his food… _

Bernie got up and handed him a mango. "Here, you should probably eat somethin'," she yawned, rubbing her eyes. "I probably should do since I haven't slept too much." She divided the fruit and wolfed it down, eyeing L warily in case he got frightened again.

L eyed the fruit, but didn't eat any. Bernie sighed and held up the mango half between two fingers. "Just 'cause it ain't dipped in sugar, that don't mean it ain't sweet," she said exasperatedly. "Now, c'mon, eat; after all I've fed ya, ya still look about as thin as a stick!"

The detective took a small bite, and frowned; as sweet as mangoes were, compared to L's diet it tasted bitter as a cactus. Bernie snatched up the mango piece and hurried off to the kitchen to dip it in the bag of sugar in the pantry. With a few surly grumbles, she put the mango on a plate and walked back inside, shoving it in front of L.

"There, now it's sugary enough ta give ya diabetes. Now, eat it before I regret sharing my precious mango with ya!" she said. L complied, taking the mango between his fingers. A small bit of sugar fell onto the bed, as well as dusting L's white shirt. Bernie gave a small panicked cry before pulling the plate, the mango, and L off of the bed.

"That sugar's all over the place," she said in a horrified voice. "Oh, we're gonna get ants; I knew I shoulda just left that damn mango by itself…" As she envisioned all of the sugar covering the bed, her chest rose in panicked breaths, and she rushed at the bed. L watched Bernie yank off the top blankets, run out into the hall, fold up the blankets, and set them near the washer in a nearby room. Then, still hyperventilating, she scooped a Dustbuster from the laundry room and vacuumed EVERYTHING in the room, including the lampshade and L's pants.

Once the ataxophobic maid had vacuumed so much that her hands ached, she slammed the Dustbuster down on the bare bed. Bernie glanced at L, her eyes wide open like a deer about to be hit by a truck. "Take off your shirt," she ordered. L merely stood there, nibbling on what was left of the mango.

"I would prefer to keep it on, Bernie," he replied, back to his usual monotone. "If I am fully clothed, I am more comfortable; therefore my productivity increases by—"

Before he could finish, Bernie swiftly grabbed the mango and plate and set them down on an end table before pulling L's shirt clear over his head. "I am goin' to wash this filthy sugar-covered shirt, Mistah Ryuzaki," she said, her eyes wild as she feverishly folded the shirt before tucking it under arm. The maid gave L a deadly glare. "Or I swear on all that's holy that I will _never _make you another goddamn beignet again!" L's eyes widened, and he nodded. "I shall comply," he replied gravely.

Bernie kept breathing irregularly and set the shirt in the laundry room before walking back inside L's bedroom. "Another thing," she began. "Because Watari's fillin' in for ya today, you are takin' today to rest; it ain't good for you to overwork yourself like this all the time." L shook his head.

"While I appreciate your concern," he replied, "I will not drop all of my work on the Kira case, Bernie; especially not because of a minor matter such as this." Bernie's eyes flashed, and she grabbed his shoulders.

"Now you listen ta me," she growled, still going under a mental breakdown. "I have had to deal with you arrestin' me, makin' me your maid, cookin' for you and a bunch of policemen, dealin' with your long nights bakin' your snacks, and not bein' able to go to college. Through all of that, I've been takin' it all on the chin and bein' nice because I was raised that way. But if you think I'm gonna take any more of that without goin' bonkers, then you have another thing comin', chere." She put her hands on her hips, ignoring L's unexpressive response to what she had said.

"So right now, we're gonna hafta make a kind of deal today," Bernie said. "You're gonna rest for a day or two while Watari is bein' L. If you don't rest, then I'm gonna pack up all my things and leave. I don't care if you arrest me or not, despite the fact that I'm tryin' to help ya; It's your own foolishness that's gonna make you work yourself into a loony bin." She took a deep breath. "Whaddya say?"

L thought for a moment, looking stubborn to take a single minute off the Kira case. "I shall only 'rest' for exactly twenty four hours," he said with finality. "Despite the fact that you have been very…vocal, on every action I have made, it would be too much trouble to hire another live-in maid and chef." Bernie stared at L, surprised. _He's actually agreein'? _she thought in disbelief.

Bernie relaxed her shoulders and felt a wave of glee wash over her. "Thank you, chere!" she sighed, wrapping her arms around L's bare torso and kissing both his cheeks. She quickly pulled away and eyed the dazed detective's baggy, and visibly dirty, trousers. "Oh, Law," she muttered to herself, putting a hand on her forehead. "Well, as long as I'm washin' his shirt…"

She looked back up at L. "First things first," she said, taking his pale-gray hand and dragging him to the bathroom, "You're takin' a shower while I wash your pants and shirt. Now, take 'em off and hand 'em to me." L hesitated, and Bernie put a hand on her hip. "L, take your pants off!" she said a little too loudly, her patience thinning again as she tugged on L's pants.

The door opened again, and Aizawa, Matsuda, and Soichiro were in the doorway. "We heard yelling again," Matsuda began, "Is everything al—Uh…" The three policemen stared at the sight before them: Bernie was tugging on a shirtless L's waistline, while L was merely looking completely bored again. "Should we, um, come back at a later time?"


	9. Chapter 9

Ryuk was still bored waiting for Light's memory to come back. **I think I'll go see what that weird cleaning human is doing**_, _he thought, flying off to look around for her. After a few minutes of searching around for her, the Shinigami saw her outside L's bathroom door. "It's about time you showered, ya know," she called back. "Just 'cause you look like a baby panda and sound like chocolate don't mean you can't still smell bad!" Bernie heard L give a short reply.

"Would you explain how my vocal pattern is reminiscent of chocolate to you?" he asked. Bernie sighed and walked off to wash L's clothes. Ryuk followed behind her into a laundry room as she set to work, humming to herself. Just to mess with her a little, he shut the door behind him, making her jump.

"What in the world?" Bernie muttered, seeing the door slam out of the corner of her eye. She stared at the door for a few moments, and gave a small shudder. "Maybe Mistah Ryuzaki's got a spirit or two hangin' 'round here…" She chuckled and said, "Alright, Mistah Spirit, if you wanna make yourself useful you can open that door!"

Ryuk chuckled and slowly opened the door again. Bernie stiffened and paled. A long pregnant silence ensued, and Bernie numbly turned on the washing machine and tossed L's clothes inside before leaning against the wall for support. "Okaaay," she muttered to herself. "Looks like I gotta make a gris-gris bag to summon you, Mistah Spirit…"

Bernie fished into her gris-gris bag and peered inside to see what was inside. "Hmm," she said to herself as Ryuk watched her. "This is more aimed for protection; I gotta use some other stuff to summon this spirit." She gave a firm nod and hustled into her room to add a few things to her bag. The maid gave a small nervous smile down at the bag."Huh, I've never summoned a spirit by myself before," Bernie remarked. "Maybe I should ask Grandma Ghissie for how to do this right."

Ryuk flew up above Bernie as she reached for her cell phone and dialed the number for Grandma Ghissie's shop. After a few seconds, an old woman's voice rang through the receiver. "_Ghislaine Otis's Supply Shop, how can I help ya, chere?" _

The maid nearly cried with nostalgia at her grandmother's voice. "_Hey, Granny,"_ she greeted. Ghissie gasped and let out a gasp.

"_Bernie?! Oh, girl, I ain't heard ya in ages!" _the old woman cried. _"Sweetie, how you been?" _Bernie smiled and fingered her tortoise shell bracelet.

"_Oh, I'm….okay,"_ she replied. _"I mean, I've had some strange happenin's go on recently, but other than that, I'm fine." _ Ryuk cackled. **That's an understatement, **he thought. "_I got to work directly for the owner of the hotel, so that's been nice. But he's kind of a fool." _ Bernie pinched her bracelet. "_Anyway, Granny, do ya know if you could tell me how to summon a spirit? Mah memory is kinda fuzzy, and I'd hate to screw up somehow…" _

Bernie could feel the suspicion in her grandmother's voice. "_Why do ya need ta know, chere? Ya need to perform an exorcism or summon Queen Marie for guidance?" _

The maid shook her head, even though her grandmother couldn't see her. _"No," _she replied, _"But…Well…" _Bernie stopped and sighed. "_I may just be extra paranoid right now. I've gone through a lotta bad luck today, so I may just be overworked here." _

"_Oh?" _Ghissie replied. "_It yo boss? Cause if he's givin' you trouble I'll be glad ta lay a spell or two on that fool." _ Bernie laughed, and Ryuk became bored again, as well as hungry. He flew over to Bernie's minifridge and opened it to see if she had any apples.

"_No need to get so ruffled, Granny," _Bernie assured. _"I'm sure I can….take…" _ She trailed off as she saw her fridge door open, and multiple mangoes and chocolate bars shuffled in the air. _"Granny," _Bernie said quickly, "_I gotta go now, but I'll talk to ya soon. Love ya!" _Immediately, she hung up and walked up next to her fridge.

Bernie bent down and took a deep breath. "Mistah Spirit," she said, her voice tinged with fear. "I ain't good at summonin' beings, but if you want somethin' from me, please make your presence known." She held onto her gris-gris bag, and Ryuk turned around and stared at her. **Maybe I should just let her see me, **he said to himself. **Besides, this whole weird 'summoning a spirit' thingy won't work for a Shinigami. **Shrugging, he whipped out his Death Note, but hesitated.

**Light won't be happy once he finds out she's touched it, **he thought. **And if she touches it, then ownership will transfer to her and won't be mine anymore. Nah, I'll just play with her like this.**

Ryuk put the notebook away, and Bernie took a deep breath before walking to her cabinets. She grabbed a pinch of salt, Jimson Weed, and a skull fragment. "I may be able to improvise," she said to herself, putting the ingredients into her gris-gris bag and shaking it. "This IS what I remember about this spell to summon a spirit, and if I can remember the chant is up to your own decision… But I need something you've touched, Mistah Spirit." She noticed a mango that the spirit had brushed aside, and snatched it from where he had pushed it away. "Aha!" After peeling off a piece of the fruit, Bernie dropped the piece into her gris-gris bag.

She shook the bag and closed her eyes. "Alright, alright," she whispered to herself. "Spirit that walks this abode, come to me, and make your presence known. Spirit that walks this abode, come to me and make your presence known." Ryuk chuckled as he watched her, but felt a strange tugging at his stomach. **I think I ate too many apples from Light's room today, **he thought, frowning. He felt himself becoming a little lighter, like paper.

**This feels weird…** Suddenly, Bernie's eyes widened as she stared at a slowly forming figure: It was abnormally tall, with red eyes, a disturbing set of purple lips, and sewing marks attaching its head to the rest of its body. "Oh my God," she whispered, "I actually did it…" Ryuk looked at her, surprised her weird chanting had worked.

"**Oh," **he said. He gave Bernie a small wave. "**Uh…Hi." **Bernie gave a small wave back. "Hi, Mistah Spirit," she said uneasily. "So, you were the one slammin' the door and lookin' through my fridge? Ain't you a curious ghost?" The maid stared at Ryuk with a surprised and entranced look.

Ryuk shrugged. **"Well, I'm not a ghost," **he explained. "**I'm what's called a Shinigami." **Bernie raised her eyebrows. "Shinigami? Don't that mean 'God of Death'?" she asked. She clapped a hand on her head. "Oh Law, I didn't mean to disturb ya, Mistah God!" Ryuk cackled.

"**It's okay,"** he replied, "**I'm not a God that can just curse you and stuff like that. Name's Ryuk." **He held out his hand, and Bernie limply shook it. "Okay, Ryuk," she replied, still staring at the Shinigami. "Well, er…You don't seem to be an evil spirit, so if you ain't botherin' anyone…You can er, help yourself to mah fridge like before." She pointed at the fridge and rummaged around inside. "You want somethin' special, Mistah Ryuk?"

Ryuk nodded. "**Do you have any apples?" **he asked. Bernie shook his head, but walked out of the room. "I know there are some in the pantry," she murmured. "Stay here and I'll get some." After a few seconds, Miria came back with an armful of apples. Ryuk's red eyes widened, and Bernie giggled as she held one up for him. Immediately, he shot out to grab and devour all of the apples at once.

"Ya sure like your apples," Bernieremarked. Ryuk nodded and ate the last apple before lying down onto Bernie's bed. "**Thanks," **he said, licking his fingers. "**I haven't had someone bring me apples since—" **he stopped himself; he had almost said 'since Light.' Bernie raised an eyebrow, and she rose. "Well, Mistah Ryuk," she said, "Mistah Ryuzaki's probably wonderin' where I've moseyed off too. Is it alright if I leave ya for now?"

Ryuk shrugged, and Bernie noticed Merry and Pippin wake from their naps and stare at the bed. Although they couldn't see the creature of death near them, they sensed something unnatural and hissed violently before running out of the room. Bernie gave a small awkward chuckle before bowing to Ryuk. "I guess I'll see you later, Mistah Ryuk," she said slowly, walking out the door. "Give me a holler if you want more apples!"

Bernie shut the door behind her, and her legs sank as she slid against the wall. The young woman covered her face with her hands and sighed in a wobbily voice. "My God," she whispered, "I knew I was getting' bad luck for a while, but meetin' a God of Death is just too much!" Sighing, she slowly rose and hobbled off to the laundry room. "I'm dealin' with that mess later; for now back to the other otherworldly freakazoid in mah job…"

L's clothes were clean at this point, and Bernie limply tossed them into the dryer. "Let's see," she thought out loud. "L's gonna be restin' in his room most of time I bet, so I should probably see if he wants anything to eat." Before she left, she realized that once L was done bathing he wouldn't have anything to wear. Turning bright red at that mental picture, the maid noticed a bathrobe laying on the washing machine and tossed it over her shoulder. "Seems about his size," she remarked. "And if not, he can just deal with it 'til his clothes are ready."

As she turned to leave, she heard the door open and gave a small scream. _It's that God of Death again! _ Instead of seeing the tall, serial killer clown-esque Shinigami, she saw L in the doorway, wearing only a towel and looking confused at Bernie's fear. Bernie's eyes widened, and she stared at her boss in swaddling clothes.

"Er," she said awkwardly, "Ya know ya could've just stayed in the bathroom, Mistah Ryuzaki." L shrugged.

"It had been approximately 6 minutes and 37.4 seconds since I had needed something to wear," he explained, "And I was impatient." He tilted his head. "You seemed somewhat flustered, judging from your increasingly paling face; are you uncomfortable?" Bernie handed L the robe and sucked in her cheeks.

"Honestly, I'm surprised that you're walkin' 'round the room in just a towel," she said, giving a small smirk as he tied the robe. "Makes me think of ya as a lil' kid!" L shrugged.

"I have been known to be childish," he replied simply. "But I suppose once I get my clothes back I shall feel more comfortable." He turned around and walked towards the computer room. "Now, if you excuse me, I should get back to catching a serial killer—"

Bernie ran after him and grabbed him by the ear. "Oh no you ain't, Mistah Ryuzaki!" she chided. "You're restin' today; you promised!"

L gave a small wince as her grip on his earlobe tightened. He sighed. "Drat," he muttered under his breath. He looked at her. "This is highly unnecessary, Bernie; I must bring Kira to justice, and I would assume that as your employer that you wouldn't treat me like a child when I am trying to do my job."

Bernie gave him a sweet smile. "I ain't treatin' you like a child, Mistah Ryuzaki," she replied, releasing his ear. " 'Sides, this is only ONE day; I'm sure you'll live." Her smile flashed into a motherly frown as she pointed at his bedroom. "Now _march _to your room, mistah!"

**A/N**

**So, Ryuk's met Bernie, and she is just having to comprehend what she just met, L's about to start his forced day off, and I wrote in a bit of shirtless L for (unintentional) fanservice. L fangirls, enjoy that mental image; God knows I was blushing like a mental patient when I wrote that in! :3**

**If I had to guess, Ryuk probably didn't think that Bernie's summoning ritual would work because he had never experienced being summoned via spell before, but he was proven wrong. And while Bernie is taking this Shinigami that she just met surprisingly well, she's probably trying to register the fact that she actually summoned an actual spirit in her midst. **

**Well, I'm off to ride on a replica of the train from "The Polar Express" with a zillion little kids and my hyperactive eight year old cousin. Cheers!**

**Love,**

**Everyonesfangirl13579**


	10. Chapter 10

After L had been forced into his room, Bernie was surprisingly bored; all L would do is ask how many hours he had left until he could go back to work. After the thirteenth time, Bernie sighed. "Still 23 hours left," she remarked, sprawling onto L's bed. "C'mon, chere," she urged, "There's gotta be somethin' else you like to do besides solvin' crimes! What do you wanna do to rest?" L crouched onto his bed and shrugged.

"I'm not sure," he replied. "I haven't had a vacation in roughly two years, and I'm not sure what I'd like to do now." Bernie got up and thought.

"Do you watch movies?" she asked. "I've got a lot of 'em in my room, though a lot of 'em are American." L considered it.

"I suppose I could look at your selection and make my decision afterwards," he said slowly. Bernie gave a false salute and sauntered off to grab a few boxes of carefully organized DVDs. She set them on the bed and hopped up to filter through them.

"Alright," she announced, "I've got a lot of Disney kid's movies, some Tim Burton, 'Brazil', 'Hot Fuzz-" Bernie stopped and noticed L frowning in distaste at that last title. "It ain't like _that_," she sighed. "It's sorta like a Monty Python-type satire of action movies." L nodded in understanding, and the maid filtered on.

" 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest', 'The Witches of Eastwick', 'As Good as It Gets', and 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'. Other than that, I'm not very sure what you'd be interested in." L tilted his head and picked up the DVD of 'Willy Wonka'.

"Perhaps we could watch this one?" he asked, holding it in his strange fashion of two fingers per hand. Bernie smirked; she had a big hunch he'd be interested in a movie filled with candy and chocolate! She nodded and took it from him, lightly placing it into the DVD player nearby and turned on the large flatscreen next to it.

"Sure, sugah," she said, pressing play and turning off the lights. "I like this one too." As the opening credits played, L seemed somewhat disinterested with the film, merely looking at the cover. Bernie, however, was humming every single song and grinning with nostalgia. She noticed L and frowned. "You alright?" she asked. "You don't seem very happy about a movie about candy, ya know."

L raised his invisible eyebrows. "I suppose that I'm not very interested in this story; it doesn't seem very interesting to me." Bernie shrugged and skipped to Charlie and his grandfather entering the garden of candy and chocolate.

"How 'bout I show you the good parts?" she offered. L's eyes widened at the sight of the screen, and he stared with awe. Bernie smiled and chuckled before leaning back onto the bed across from L. She softly sang along and swung her legs over the bed. "There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination/Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be…." A small sigh escaped her lips as she watched the children exploring the garden, and she gave a short hearty laugh when she saw poor Augustus fall into the chocolate lake.

L was still intently watching the candy wonderland, and Bernie covered her mouth to keep from laughing at his wide eyes. Instead, she sang along with the Oompa Loompas and imagined what L would be like inside Wonka's chocolate factory. _That boy would probably have a mental moment, _she thought, _And maybe knock out Wonka before takin' over the place. _Bernie chuckled to herself and watched the rest of the movie with L.

Once the end credits rolled, Bernie hopped up and checked a clock on the end table. "Lookie there," she remarked, "Now you only have 21 hours left!" She put the DVD into its case and quickly re-organized her cases. "Oh, do ya want your regular clothes?" Bernie asked, glancing at L's robe. "It's probably drivin' ya crazy bein' in a robe that long…" L nodded, and Bernie left to retrieve L's now dry clothes.

When she came back, she carefully lay out the detective's clothes and turned to face away from him with her hands over her eyes. L looked at her, confused, but realized what she was doing. "You appear to be very concerned to not see me naked, Bernie," he remarked. "If you wish, I can enter the bathroom and change clothes." Bernie shrugged and turned around, her eyes still covered.

"Don't you go 'round actin' like you'd be fine with me seein' ya nude," she defended. "I'm your maid for God's sake; I can't look if I even see ya without a shirt!" She crossed her arms and walked to her movies, fishing out a stack of old Disney films. "You wanna watch a Disney movie next, chere?" L peered down at the stack of movies as he disrobed and threw on his now clean white shirt.

"I suppose I could watch at least one," he decided. "Unlike many people, I don't consider any Disney movie to be very nostalgic since I never watched them as a child." Bernie's mouth dropped open, and she gawked at the pale hunchback in surprise.

"You," she said slowly, "Nevah, EVAH, watched a Disney movie as a child?" L nodded and slipped on his pants; at this point, Bernie was so surprised that she didn't care at this point.

"No," he replied. "Personally, I don't see the appeal behind them, but then again I haven't watched one in a very long ti—" Bernie stopped him by putting a finger to his lips.

"This is very upsettin', Mistah Ryuzaki," Bernie said gravely. Dramatically, she wrapped her arms around him. "But don't worry; I'm gonna make this right, darlin'!" Grinning, she held up two of her many Disney movies. "We gotta be very selective with your first Disney flick," she explained. "So we're gonna narrow it down. First off: Wanna PRINCESS movie?"

L gave her a deadpan look, and Bernie giggled. "Alright, cool your jets, chere," she said. "Let's see…You want Disney's arguably darkest kids film? It was my first one too." L shrugged.

"It sounds interesting," he replied. "Sure, Bernie." Bernie grinned and placed a disc inside the DVD player, clapping her hands excitedly.

"Perfect; the Hunchback of Notre Dame!" she cheered. The movie began, and Bernie wriggled in her seat. After having another wonderfully embarrassing sing along moment with 'The Bells of Notre Dame', Bernie noticed L actually becoming interested in the movie. As she watched Frollo chase Quasimodo's mother, she felt a gnawing question eating at her.

"Hey, Mistah Ryuzaki," she said slowly, "Watari told me that he's been like a father to ya for a long time." L looked at her, and she refused to meet his soul-piercing eyes. "Well," she said, fidgeting, "If you don't mind me askin', how long did you actually know your mama and daddy before…Well…" She bit her lip, regretting what she had asked. _Yeah, Bernie, _she thought to herself, _It ain't foolish to ask a giant personal question to your damn boss out of nowhere! _

L stared at her for a long time, and Bernie tensed. "I—Er, you don't hafta answer, chere," she said quickly, looking back at the television screen. "I was just wonderin', since I don't remember mine at all." After a long silence, L finally answered.

"I would prefer not to answer, Bernie," he replied, his toes curling. Bernie turned red and nodded, laying down on the bed and refusing to look at her boss. "Would you be comfortable explaining why you have no memory of your parents?"

Bernie rolled her neck around, feeling insanely stupid for asking such a random question. "Well," she said awkwardly, "I guess if I had the gall to ask ya, then I might as well tell you somethin'." She propped herself up and said softly, "My mama left givin' birth ta me, so I don't have any memories of her. And my daddy was so heartbroken that he left a few months later after he gave mah Grandma Ghissie custody of me."

Bernie felt tears springing up, but swallowed it down and looked up at L. "So," she replied, "Since we were both orphans at one point, I was just curious about how well ya knew your parents." L kept staring at her, and she flinched. "Ya know, ya really spook me when ya look at me like that, chere," she said in a slightly strained voice.

L stopped staring and put a finger in his mouth. "I have a tendency to stare," he said. "My apologies." Bernie sighed and shook her head.

"Nah, it's not your fault, chere," she replied. "I do that too sometimes." The maid looked over at the clock. "You've got about 20 hours left, darlin'." L nodded and grabbed a caramel from a nearby drawer to eat.

He rummaged around inside the drawer again and held up a small piece of chocolate for Bernie. "You appear to still be depressed," he said. "Perhaps the endorphins in this will make you feel better?" Bernie gave her boss a half-smile.

"Ya must be very serious if you're willin' ta part with even one bit of your candy, chere," she chuckled. "But I guess I'll take one bite. Thank ya." Bernie hesitantly took the chocolate and slowly devoured it, giving L a small smile.

L watched her intently, and handed her another chocolate. Bernie shook her head. "No, no, chere, you take it." The detective shrugged and dropped the candy into his mouth. Instead of leaving the wrapper and risking Bernie having another breakdown, he bent down to drop them in the trashcan. "Well," Bernie chuckled, "Ain't you sweet, puttin' the trash away for fear of mah mental psyche breakin' through!"

L got back into his crouching position, and glanced at the movie still playing. "I suppose I should thank you," he said monotonously. Bernie raised an eyebrow.

"Do tell, chere," she replied.

L ate another caramel. "This is somewhat relaxing," he replied. "And while I find it strange to converse so casually about not having biological parents, I don't feel very uncomfortable talking to you about it. Perhaps because we were both parentless minors, I would assume."

Bernie smiled widely, wrapping her arms around L in a motherly hug. "I know that feelin'," she replied sweetly. "I kinda felt like that too; I mean, I ain't told nobody 'bout my parents ever since I came to Japan. It's kinda funny talkin' 'bout it with my boss though, but I guess you ain't a very normal boss." L nodded, and Bernie giggled before hopping up to fetch a few spare beignets from the kitchen fridge.

"I'm gonna get some more sweets for ya, chere," she called back. "Now you keep watchin' that Disney movie!" As she microwaved the cold pastries, she leaned on the counter and smiled. "He is a strange boss," she said out loud. "Matter of fact, he seems more like a buddy or pet than a boss!"


	11. Chapter 11

After watching 'Hunchback', Bernie glanced at L. "Well, chere," she began, "You want me to make ya somethin' while we're here? I'll try and make it as quick as possible." L shook his head and opened his candy drawer from before, which revealed a small treasure trove of chocolate, gummy candy, caramel, and multiple pieces of pastries that Bernie remembered making herself.

"I would prefer that you stay here, Bernie," L replied. "I have enough snacks to last me for a few more hours anyway." Bernie shrugged, but complied and stayed.

"Mistah Ryuzaki," she said, "Why're you so familiar with lil' old moi? I know I'm the one that kinda instigated this whole 'relaxation' thing, but you're still bein' friendly, and even lettin' me play some of my movies for ya. I don't mind and all, but still, I'm just the help."

L shoved a chocolate bar into his mouth, wrapper and all as he came up with a response. "I'm merely following your order to relax under threat of losing my beignet supply," he replied dully. "I assumed that you wished to stay at my side should I try to escape and get back to the Kira case." Bernie gave a small frown; she assumed that he was actually getting used to having a kinda-sorta friend out of her.

"Oh," she replied, a little surprised. "I thought that you were…Oh well, want another movie?" L tilted his head, the candy and wrapper still in his mouth.

"What did you assume, Bernie?" he asked, a tinge of curiousity in his voice. Bernie shrugged and kept a small red hue around her cheeks. She frowned in disapproval as she noticed the wrapper sticking out of the detective's mouth, and put her hands on her hips.

The maid held up the trash can. "Chere, what are you _doin'_?" Bernie asked strictly. "Spit out that wrapper before ya start chokin'!" L pouted, but complied as he spat the wrapper into the trash can. Bernie handed him a hand towel, and she set the can down. "I swear," she remarked, "For a world famous detective, ya sure do act like a child."

L gave a small smile. "I am very childish," he replied. "Many can attest to that, including the members of the Kira Task Force." Bernie stared at him for a moment before grinning widely and hugging him while laughing.

"You look so sweet smilin' like that, Mistah Ryuzaki!" she squealed, giggling. "You gotta smile more often; that made my day, chere!" She pulled away, and picked up a piece of candy. "May I?" she asked. L nodded, his arms sore from where Bernie had pinned them.

Bernie popped the candy into her mouth and lay on the bed, closing her eyes. "Mmm," she sighed, "Ya sure do know the sweet stuff, dahlin'!" L watched her as he swallowed the last of his chocolate bar, and lightly tapped her forehead. Her eyes flashed open, and she sat up. "What is it, chere?" Bernie asked.

"You never answered my question, Bernie," he replied. Bernie crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, giving her boss a half-smile.

"Oh?" she replied casually. "Well, lay it on me again; my memory ain't that good, ya know." L nodded and unwrapped a foil-covered chocolate drenched cherry.

"I asked what you assumed about why I was spending time with you," he replied. Bernie snapped her fingers.

"Ah, I remember now," the cook replied. "Well….It'll sound silly." L raised an eyebrow as he consumed the cherry, and Bernie chuckled. "See," she began, "At first I thought that it was because I thought we were seemin' like friends a lil' bit. But that can't be it, since bosses and maids ain't friends. But I know enough to get a good idea of what your thinkin', chere; even after about a month of workin' here." Bernie leaned back onto the backboard. "And if I had to bet," she said, a finger propping up her chin, "You're doin' this to apologize for grabbin' me and scarin' the daylights outta me when ya woke up, or you're doin' it to return my favor of keepin' watch over ya while ya slept." She smirked. "So, am I right?"

L gave a slightly impressed nod. "Your reasoning is accurate," he replied, "I am taking part in this day of rest for those two reasons, as well as other factors." Bernie kept her blond eyebrow raised sarcastically.

"Ya mean like me cuttin' off your beignet supply?" she asked, and L nodded.

"That as well," he said. "Not to mention that I am very uncomfortable around you when your ataxophobia causes you to have lapses of judgment and sanity." Bernie nodded.

"I get that a lot," she replied. "So in conclusion, I just thought that we were getting' to be friends, but hey, I've been wrong before, chere." L shrugged.

"I do consider you to be a friend, I suppose," he said slowly and gauging Bernie's reaction. "After all, you're the only live-in maid that's stayed for over one week; not to mention that you've acted much closer to everyone, myself included." Bernie shrugged and smiled.

"My Grandma Ghissie always said that I never knew a stranger," she agreed. "But, I—Woah..." She stopped as she saw L take out a tied cherry stem and fiddled with it in his hands. Bernie pointed at the stem. "Aw, you can do that with cherries?" Bernie gave a dramatic pout. "I swear, everyone I know can do that but poor moi!"

L grabbed another cherry. "It's quite simple if you're able to train your tongue to have extra dexterity," he replied, tying another not after devouring the cherry itself. He handed one to Bernie, and she ate the cherry halfheartedly before trying to tie the stem.

"Y'know," she said, her words slightly mangled as she maneuvered her tongue, "I hear that only good kissas can do this, but I'm callin' bull on that nonsense if _I_ can't do it…" Bernie chuckled and jumped up, part of the stem bent and ready to tie. L noticed her and directed her on how to tie it.

"If you can," he said, "Angle the tip of your tongue fifty eight degrees to the left and twelve point five degrees up." Bernie gave him a deadpan look and took out the cherry stem before tying it with her fingers.

"I'm not gonna be able to follow those instructions, chere," she said, putting the stem in her pocket. "But hey, there's always another day to try again, right?" L nodded and ate a small cookie before eyeing Bernie again. Bernie noticed him before leaning in close and crouching to mimic him, and stared at him with wide eyes. "You're very good at staring, ya know," she laughed, trying to balance on her feet.

L continued to stare out of spite, and that made Bernie laugh even harder. "How do you DO this, Mistah Ryuzaki?" she asked, beginning to waver on her toes. "Ya must be a _ninja _detective…" After a few seconds, she tipped over on the bed, about to hit her head on the floor. "Wah!"

Before she could make impact, L shot out for her arm and pulled her back up with so much force that she accidentally fell on top of him. A long period of silence rang thought the room, and L tried to pull Bernie up. "Bernie, are you all right?" he asked, concerned by her silence.

His stomach was vibrating, and Bernie laughed even harder than before while rising from Ryuzaki's chest. After a few seconds of booming laughter, Bernie fell onto the actual bed, clutching her stomach. L walked over and held her still. Bernie looked up at him, confused. "Whatcha doin' there, sugah?" she asked, a few remnants of laughter buzzing in her chest. "I thought you wouldn't be the frisky type!"

L shook his head and pulled her head up, all the while intently examining her head for anything peculiar. "I'm checking your head for any major trauma," he said, sounding concerned. "In the case that you fell and hurt your skull without my knowledge, I would want you to have medical attention as soon as possible." Bernie nodded and poked her forehead with one finger.

"No worries, sweetie," she replied. "I ain't hurt!" L kept looking for injuries for a few seconds before nodding and releasing Bernie's head. The maid slowly propped herself up and smoothed her now ruffled blonde hair back. "Well, that was fun," she remarked, chortling. "You'd make a very good cushion, Mistah Ryuzaki!"

L was slightly dazed after Bernie's whiplash bed descent, and Bernie sprawled out next to him on the bed. "Alright, Mistah Ryuzaki," she sighed contentedly. "I know what we're doin', since I can't stop thinkin' about cherries." L looked at Bernie curiously, and she held a dramatic pose. "We're makin' cherry pie, chere!"

L shifted. "Perhaps you should make it on your own, Bernie," he replied softly. "I've never baked very much." Bernie put a hand on her hip.

"Now, that don't matter," she replied, trying to pull L up. "I'll teach ya!" He refused to move, and Bernie sighed before planting a kiss on his cheek. Immediately, he tensed, and Bernie pulled him up. _Ah, a Otis's kiss can make anyone melt into jelly! _she thought mischievously. Grinning widely, she took a flustered L's hand and raced into the kitchen. "C'mon, sweetie," she crowed. "Time's a wastin'!"


	12. Chapter 12

"Y'know," Bernie drawled, taking out a few ingredients, "For a fella who eats sweets like nobody's business, I'm pretty darn surprised that ya don't know how to bake a cherry pie." L watched Bernie climb up to the top shelves in the pantry and grab some bags of flour, and helped her get them down onto the counter.

"I usually had Watari make my snacks before you came along, Bernie," he replied, grabbing the box of sugar cubes that Bernie had accidentally knocked over before munching on them three at a time. Bernie shrugged, and she set down a few bags of fresh cherries from the nearby fridge. Carefully, she hopped down from the shelf and noticed L holding a box of sugar cubes, a few about to enter his mouth.

Bernie's eyes widened, and a few seconds later, she put an authoritative hand on her hip. She opened her hand. "Give me the sugar cube box, chere," she sighed. L handed her the box, and grabbed a few sugar cubes and prepared to put them in his pockets; Bernie flew at him and pinned his arms to his sides. "No no no!" she yelped, snatching the cubes and holding them in her hand. "Are you BONKERS, chere?! I just cleaned those pants and you're just gonna go and put sugar pieces in there, makin' 'em sticky and disgustin'?"

The maid's eyes were bulging, and the box was slightly crushed in her bronze hands. L slowly reached around her back and took a cube to place in his pale mouth. Bernie twitched and stormed into the pantry, slamming the door. L heard bumps and thumps coming from the pantry, and Bernie emerged with a plastic baggie.

"This, chere," she said in a deadly calm, "Is a device called a Ziploc bag." Bernie took the confiscated cubes and placed them in the bag before giving L the bag. "You put things in it, and put the flippin' bag in your pocket so that ya don't get crumbs and bits in your pants, thus makin' me have a meltdown." She dangled the bag in front of L's face. "Understand me, darlin'?"

L shrugged and grabbed the bag before placing about ten sugar cubes in it and placing it in his pant pockets. Bernie set to work on mixing up the dough for the pie, while merely watched her. At first, she paid no heed as she worked, but after a while it got a little uncomfortable; his eyes were so wide that Bernie couldn't even look at him without shuddering.

After about ten minutes, Bernie turned to face her boss while she was setting out the now-ready dough in a greased pan. "Ya know, ya can work _with _me instead of just watchin' me bake," she said, raising an eyebrow. "It's kinda strange now, what with ya watchin' me; you ain't even blinkin'!" L put a grey index finger in his mouth and tilted his head.

"As I've stated, I've never baked anything by myself," he replied. "I've found that if I observe the subject I'm interested in, my ability to master the activity increases by roughly 35.6%." Bernie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose before slowly closing her eyes.

"Darlin'," she breathed, "I know about the percentages, but for God's sake, I'm beggin' ya to try and tone it down before my head explodes like a firecracker..." Before L could react, the maid turned back to her pie and set it in the oven, refusing the urge to look back at her boss. After a few agonizing minutes, she noticed that L was still staring, apparently unaffected by Bernie's performance. In fact, was focusing on a nearby clock. "I have 18 hours left until I can resume the case," he said, pointing at the clock.

Bernie shrugged and leaned on the counter, thinking. "Hey, Mistah Ryuzaki," she replied, "Do ya ever think you'll actually solve that Kira case? I know you're a genius and all, but still…Kira's got some bad voodoo on him, that's for sure." She glanced at L, who's eyes were fierce at the mere mention of Kira's name.

"I assure you, Bernie," he declared firmly, "I _will _bring Kira to justice." Bernie smiled. "Well," she replied, "I'm sure if anyone's gonna do it, it'll be you, chere."

While Bernie waited for the pie to be done, she and L sat down on a nearby table. "Mistah Ryuzaki," she asked, "You ever do anythin' besides investigate?" She gave her boss a half-smile. " 'Cause I'm pretty sure that you've never had a girl before and the like, unless it was a maid like moi. But that don't count, 'cause I'm the help."

L nodded. "Correct, Bernie," he replied. "Most of my time under the care of Watari, I would investigate crimes, even as a child. Honestly, this is one of the few times that I've allowed strangers to actually see my face." Bernie frowned.

"But dontcha ever get lonely like that?" she asked, feeling more than a little pity for L. "I really can't think that you'd be satisfied just having Watari throughout your entire life?" L shrugged and chewed on his fingernail.

"I've known Watari for most of my life, and I've been comfortable without support for a long time," he replied. "But I do _tolerate _others working with me, at least if they're competent. And with the Kira case, I'm impressed with the group members' bravery on the Task Force."

Bernie leaned back in her chair. "They are pretty courageous," she replied. "Anyway…" She hesitated. "You really wanna go back to workin'? I know you're probably gettin' tired of waitin' around til' ya get to go back to the Kira case…" She pouted. "And I thought my plan was gonna work!"

L nodded. "I would prefer to resume investigating immediately; thank you, Bernie." Bernie smiled bitterly, accepting defeat in trying to give Ryuzaki a vacation, even for 24 hours. She smirked and gave L's head a pat.

"You're such a stubborn sweetie," she sighed. The maid grabbed a strawberry from the fridge and dangled it over L's mouth. "Wanna strawberry?" L eagerly wrapped his lips around the strawberry and ate it, his eyes half-lidded before he licked his lips. Bernie smirked and gave him another one before checking on her pie. "All done!" she declared, taking out her cherry pie and expertly slicing it into ten pieces.

Humming, she placed two of the largest slices on a plate with L's logo stamped on it before adding a mountain of whipped cream and laying it in front of L; Bernie also added a few normal cherries on the side and one for garnish, just to see if L would eat the sweets and avoid them. _He is a lil' kid like that, _she thought. After staring at her creation, she grabbed a slice for herself and leaned back in her chair. "I like it," Bernie remarked, licking her fork. "Dough may be too flaky, though; whaddya think, Mistah Ryuzaki?"

L devoured his two slices before drawing pictures and writing equations with his cream. "It's quite nice," he remarked, his eyes hardening as he solved his whipped cream mathematical problems. "I appreciate you being here, Bernie." Bernie shrugged.

"No problem, dahlin'," she replied loftily. "You've been pretty good to me too, ya know." L stood and grabbed the rest of the pie before walking into the computer room.

"Thank you for today, Bernie," he said, looking around for the rest of the Task Force. "Would you like to join me and the others?" Bernie nodded and followed her boss into the room filled with monitors.

Soichiro noticed them and sighed in relief. "Thank God you're awake again," he said, handing L a folder of papers. The detective climbed into his chair and shuffled through the papers. "We've had twenty criminals die while you were sleeping," Soichiro continued. "And we're still trying to figure out who might be Kira; though Light has a theory similar to yours about someone in the Yotsuba Group. Mogi and I have also prepared to send in our—" The chief dropped his voice. "Our resignation forms; I haven't told the others yet." Aizawa was staring at L intently, and Bernie raised an eyebrow. In the end, she ignored it and sat down next to Matsuda on the couch. Smiling warmly, she bumped his elbow; Matsuda grinned and waved.

"Hey, Bernie," he greeted. "How're you and L doing?" Bernie shrugged.

"I'm good, and I think L's been rested enough to get back on the case," she replied. "I knew I probably wouldn't keep him at bay for 24 hours, but still it don't hurt to try; right chere?" Matsuda nodded and went through a folder with pictures of the most recent Kira victims. Soichiro turned to face his men, a grim look on his face.

"I have some very bad news, men," he said gravely. " The director informed me that Kira has been offering bribes to a number of politicians, and even the police have caved in." Bernie's eyes widened, and the police members stared at one another in shock. "Mogi and I have already made our decision. Aizawa, Mogi; if you wish to continue investigating with L and the rest of us, you should hand in a resignation form to the NPA as soon as possible."

Matsuda gasped, and Soichiro continued. "Like it or not, you cannot pursue Kira as a member of the police force anymore."

Aizawa stepped forward. "Hold on, Chief," he objected. Soichiro held up his hand.

"They made it quite clear," he said, "If you continue to work with L, you'll be fired; that's all there is to it." Bernie frowned.

"So, Mistah Yagami," she said slowly. "In a lil' while you ain't gonna be the chief of the NPA no more?"

Soichiro nodded firmly. "However, we all have our own lives; so please, think it over." Matsuda nodded, a surprisingly serious look on his young face.

"That's true, chief," he replied. "Especially if you've got a family to support…" Bernie saw Aizawa's eyes widen, and she felt a pang of sympathy; how was his own kin holding up while he was on the Task Force?

L spoke up from his seat while he ate a slice of pie. "If you want my opinion, you'd be better off as police officers." The others, Bernie included, stared at him. "I was alone when I started this case," he explained. "And although I'm grateful to every one of you for staying with me as long as you have, I know that I can do this by myself. I'll be sure to visit you at the department and give you Kira's head as a reward for all you've sacrificed."

Light stood up. "Ryuzaki, as long as I'm alive, you won't be working alone," he said. Bernie stood up and walked over to L, putting a tanned hand on his shoulder. "And I ain't leavin' ya, chere," she said. "Sure, I ain't a police officer, but I'll still be there with a cake in one hand and some tea in another!" She grinned cheekily, and L ate another piece of pie.

"I'm quite thankful for that," he replied. "Though I can solve the Kira case by myself, I find that your baking skills rival that of Watari's." He gave her a faint smile, and Bernie flushed with pride.

"A slight revision to my last statement," L corrected. "I won't be entirely alone, considering the fact that I'll have Light and Bernie with me. But as I said, I think the rest of you should remain as police officers."

Soichiro frowned. "But when you first contacted the NPA," he argued, "You stated that you needed the assistance of the Japanese police!" L nodded and picked up his cherry garnish to eat.

"Yes," he replied in his monotone, "But that was at the time where the police, as a whole, were opposing Kira; they weren't bowing to him. Besides, there's a big difference between the help of two or three civilians and the police as an organization. The police have made their position clear that they don't want to catch Kira, so let's just leave it at that."

Bernie raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. _He's bein' more blunt than usual, _she thought. _Though he's always real blunt, so maybe they're used to it by now…_ Soichiro nodded. "That does make sense," he replied. "If we're not police officers anymore, then we won't be of much use to you." His eyes hardened. "However, we're all personally involved in this; all of us have risked our lives to catch Kira. Doesn't that give us the right to decide whether we stay here or return to the police force?"

L opened his mouth and took out a tied cherry stem; Bernie smirked and covered her hand to keep from laughing. "I suppose you're right," the detective replied carefully, but in an almost bored tone. "Then by all means make your decision."

Aizawa spoke up again. "But chief," he said, "If you quit your job with the police force, you'll be unemployed; even if we DO catch Kira, what are you going to do after that?"

Soichiro shifted his weight. "Honestly, after that, I haven't thought out that far," he replied. "But I suppose that after we catch Kira…" He gave Aizawa a cheeky grin. "I suppose I'll have to dust off my resume." Bernie smiled and leaned against L's chair; now THAT was Light's father!

After a few seconds, Matsuda jumped up. "Count me in!" he said enthusiastically. "I'm gonna quit the police and chase Kira too, Chief; and I still have my job as Misa-Misa's manager. Besides, if I stayed on as a police officer, I'd feel like a total loser—"

"Hang on a minute there, Matsuda," Bernie warned, putting a hand on her hip. "Ya don't wanna jump in the pit without checkin' for gators, do ya?"

Matsuda looked down, and the others noticed Aizawa staring uncomfortably at the tile floor as well. After a while, Aizawa turned his afro towards L. "Ryuzaki," he said in a conflicted voice, "Is there any way I could still keep my job and just help you in my spare time?"

L grabbed another pair of cherries to eat. "I'm afraid there isn't," he replied. "If you remain a police officer, then please don't come back here." Bernie frowned and glanced at L. _Mistah Aizawa ain't gonna like you sayin' that, _she thought irritably. _And the fool knows it too; Mistah Aizawa's been riskin' his life like the others and now he may not be able to come back? _

Sure enough, Aizawa wasn't pleased. "But you know I won't leak any information—"

"I won't be _sharing _any of our information," L interrupted. Aizawa's mouth dropped, and L continued. "You are free to pursue Kira on your own, if you want to; but I don't think it's fair to your families by giving up your livelihood just to continue this. I can't see how that's a good idea."

Bernie stiffened uncomfortably, and Soichiro looked at Aizawa balefully. "It's as Ryuzaki says," he replied. "Nobody here is going to blame you for quitting."

Matsuda nodded. "Yeah," he added. "Right! We all understand why you've gotta do this."

Aizawa shut his eyes, and Bernie noticed a tremor in his voice. "But the chief has a family too," he said, clenching his fists. Bernie shook her head. "Yall's situations are completely different, chere," she said solemnly.

Aizawa still wasn't satisfied. "Dammit," he hissed. "I said I was prepared to _die _if that's what it took to catch Kira, and I meant it; what kind of friend would I be to Ukita if I quit now?" His voice rose, and Bernie froze. "I became a detective so I could catch the bad guys, not run away!"

Before he could continue, Watari's logo appeared on all of the screens. "Ryuzaki," he said, "Early on in the investigation, you specifically told me that if a Task Force member were to lose their job under any circumstances, I should make preparations to ensure that their financial future was secure. If you recall, early on a trust fund was set aside for that very purpose." Bernie's eyes widened, and she stared at the back of L's head."I'm a little curious," Watari remarked. "As to why you're withholding this information."

Aizawa gasped, and L looked up at the screen. "This is neither the time nor place, Watari," he said. Watari nodded through his screen. "I'm sorry, Ryuzaki," he apologized.

Matsuda smiled cheerfully. "Wow," he said, "So we had nothing to worry about the whole time? I can't believe you did that, Ryuzaki!" He turned to face Aizawa, and Bernie cringed; this wasn't going to end well. "Look at that, Aizawa; isn't that great?"

The small puppy—I mean, um, Matsuda stopped when he saw Aizawa's angered expression. "Ryuzaki," Aizawa said gravely, "I'm guessing that was some kind of test to determine how committed I was to the Task Force."

Bernie glanced at L; that _would _be something that he would do. In fact, it _is _what he did! _He's just takin' it to a whole new level, _she thought. _All it's gonna do is make Mistah Aizawa even madder! _"O-Of course not, dahlin'," she said hastily, trying to lie. "Mistah Ryuzaki just, well…Ain't the type to say things directly, ya know!" Matsuda nodded.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Bernie's right!"

L grabbed another cherry. "No, I was testing you," he replied. Bernie sighed as L continued eating. "I wanted to see which one you would choose." His maid put her hands on her hips.

"Well, obviously, dahlin'," she whispered. "I'm tryin' to spare the poor man's feelings!" L quickly replied in a low whisper.

"He had already come to the correct conclusion, Bernie," he replied at a volume only she could hear. "I doubt I could have possibly made anything better by lying to him, don't you think?"

Bernie stiffened. "Still," she softly murmured, "I don't want Mistah Aizawa to get to upset, ya know…I know you don't either, Mistah Ryuzaki." She pulled her head up and stood back by his side.

All the while, Aizawa was glaring at L. When both Bernie and Ryuzaki were finished talking, he clenched his fists. "Well," he snapped, "If I wasn't sure before, I am now!" Bernie looked over at Aizawa sympathetically.

"Now, now, Aizawa," she consoled. "You don't—"

"Let's face it," he sighed, "I wasn't able to decide right away like you guys…I was leaning towards going back to the police." Matsuda shook his head and walked towards Aizawa.

"C'mon Aizawa," he pleaded. "Don't be so stubborn—"

Aizawa cut him off. "No, I _quit!_" he snapped. "Now I know this for sure; I've always hated Ryuzaki! I hate him AND his way of doing things!" He turned on his heel to leave, and everyone but L watched him exit in shock.

L, still not looking at Aizawa, gave one final remark. "That's too bad, because I like you, Aizawa." Aizawa stopped and tensed. Bernie closed her eyes and braced herself for the upcoming nuclear explosion.

"I ALSO HATE THE WAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST WORD! YOU INSULT ME AND THEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE _**THAT?!**_" he yelled. "That's it, I'm outta here!"

As he left, L softly said, "Thank you for everything." Bernie rolled her eyes, but also smirked; he always DID have to have the last word… Stubborn little cutie.

**A/N**

**Ah, another chapter done! This chappy takes place during episode 18, however I decided to have one small change made that wasn't the same in the original anime: during this episode, L was still handcuffed to Light, whereas here he's already released Light from his pale gray grip.**

**Moving along, is it just me or are Bernie and L sometimes acting like an old married couple? Like, when they argue that's kind of what I think of first (though more so on Bernie's part), and I don't know if I'm the only one that keeps thinking that. Until next time, this is Everyonesfangirl13579 saying:**

**Aizawa: A man of conviction, passion, and an epic anime-fro~**


	13. Chapter 13

The rest of the day passed, and the next early evening Misa left off to her movie shoot with Matsuda. Bernie watched them leave and set down a slice of strawberry shortcake next to L. Exhausted, Bernie sat down between Light and L. "Miss Misa…She gonna be in a romance movie?" she asked.

Light nodded. "As a matter of fact, yes; she's starring as the female lead, opposite Ryuuga Hideki." Bernie laughed and sat down in the chair next to L. "She ain't gonna be able to do any romantic scenes with lil' Ryuuga," she remarked. "Law knows she'd never betray her 'Sweet Light-kun'!" She lightly poked Light, and he gave a small laugh. L nodded and picked up the shortcake with his two fingers.

"True," the detective replied. "Miss Amane will most likely refuse to perform in any romantic scenes due to her obsession with Light." Bernie drummed her fingers on the table and stared up at the monitors. A thought came into her head. "Why's Matsuda goin' with her? She need a chaperone or somethin'?"

"Actually, he's Miss Amane's manager," L explained. "After Miss Amane was released from my custody as the second Kira, we decided that we needed someone to keep an eye on her while she was out of the building. Because Matsuda was most enthusiastic about the proposal, he filled the position."

Bernie grinned and leaned in her chair. "Matsuda's just adorable," she said. "He's almost like a kitten, ya know; it's kinda strange that he's a copper!"

Light stared off into space. "He is very enthusiastic," he replied. And while I know he has some skills, he can be very….moronic." Bernie giggled and shook her head.

"Aw, he ain't moronic, chere," she remarked. "I'd just say that he's, well, obnoxious. And simple-minded. But I'm sure he can be serious when he's gotta be." L and Bernie watched the monitors while Light kept staring, obviously in deep thought.

Mogi and Soichiro were going over a list of suspects, and Bernie noticed her two cats wandering into the computer room. Both Merry and Pippin were mewling like crazy, and L glanced at them. "Your cats appear to be upset by something in their living environment," he remarked, lightly touching Pippin's raven-colored head. Pippin scowled up at L, but still let the detective pet him. Bernie scooped Merry into her arms and walked into her room.

"Now what could yall be whinin' 'bout now?" she murmured, subconsciously stroking Merry's white back. When she opened the door to her suite, she saw Ryuk contorted in a strange position, hopping on one foot while his head was tilted at an angle impossible for a human to imitate. "Jesus, Joseph, and Mary Lou Retin!" Bernie cried, setting a frightened Merry down on the floor. Merry hissed at the strange presence in the room before running back into the computer room.

Ryuk gave Bernie a small wave. "Uh, hey," he said hastily. "Sorry to pop in, but could you give me an apple? I haven't had one for weeks, and I'm going through withdrawal symptoms!"Bernie stared at the Shinigami and nodded meekly before running to grab a bag of apples in the pantry. She rushed back to her room and held an apple up above Ryuk's sharpened teeth. His eyes widened, and immediately he took a big bite before untwisting his body.

"Thanks, Bernie," he sighed, lying onto Bernie's bed. "I'm addicted to human apples, so I get withdrawal if I don't eat them for a long time." Bernie nodded and handed Ryuk the rest of the apples before patting his head.

"Well chere," she said, "I gotta get back to Mistah Ryuzaki before he gets curious 'bout what I'm doin' in here. Make them apples last, now; those are the last apples I got left!" Ryuk nodded eagerly and devoured another apple, and Bernie left to get back to the computer room.

When she arrived, Bernie noticed two strangers sitting around L: One was a blond woman who wore what Bernie thought was a spy suit, and one was an American-looking man wearing a silk shirt with a dark blue blazer. Bernie raised an eyebrow and listened as Ryuzaki gave everyone a plan to try and catch Kira in the Yotsuba Group. After L was finished explaining, Bernie took up L's plate. "You want another slice, dahlin'?" she asked. L nodded.

"Yes, thank you Bernie," he replied, licking some icing on his lips. Bernie smiled and ruffled his hair before waving at the two newcomers.

"Greetings, sweeties," she said warmly. "Name's Bernie, and I'm Mistah Ryuzaki's personal chef and maid 'round here. If ya need anythin', I'll be comin' in and out, so just give me a hollah!" Both of them gave her their names and Bernie nodded before quickly giving L another shortcake. "Two more mouths to feed," she said to herself. "Though with the looks of Miss Wedy, she don't eat nothin' to fit into that catsuit…"

Aiber smirked and leaned against the wall. While the others were compiling a list of Kira suspects, he bent down next to Wedy and said, "50 bucks says Ryuzaki's going out with the maid." Wedy snickered.

"I know it sounds weird, but I could see it," she replied. "But I'm in the mood for a little gambling fun. Alright, you're on, Aiber!" The both shook hands, and all of them noticed Watari's logo appear on the monitors.

"Ryuzaki," Watari said, "I've just received an emergency signal from Matsuda's belt." Bernie's eyes widened, and she tensed; that poor old baby was in deep trouble? _Law, _she thought worriedly, _Matsuda ain't the type to get himself out of a bad situation…_

L looked up at the screen, not looking very stressed. "Hmm, where is he?" he asked, nibbling on another strawberry.

Watari hesitated. "It seems that it's coming from within the head office of the Yotsuba Group." Bernie stiffened; those were the fellas L thought were Kira! "Oh Law," she murmured. "Matsuda, you bakasweetie!"

L sighed."It appears we need to rethink our strategy," he said, his voice harder than usual. "Matsuda, you _idiot!_" Bernie raised an eyebrow; this was the first time she had ever seen L actually angry. L pressed the button for his intercom. "Watari, I'll be calling Matsuda from Phone Number 13," he said. Afterwards, he dialed a number and held the phone up to his ear.

A few seconds later, Matsuda answered his cell. "Uh, h-hello?" Bernie heard him timidly ask. L changed his voice slightly. "Yo, Matsui! It's Asahi!" he greeted. Bernie covered her mouth to not make an audible laugh. _Alright, despite the danger of poor Matsuda, Mistah Ryuzaki's just sounds hilarious right now!_

"Oh! H-hey Asahi!" Matsuda said over the phone shakily. "It's, um, been a long time!"

"It doesn't sound like you're out right now; don't tell me you're home already," L said in his disguised tone. "So, are you by yourself then?"

Matsuda replied in a nervous loud laugh. "Yeah, I'm by myself," he replied.

L held the phone to his chest. "He's not with Misa Amane right now," he told Light in his normal voice. "Matsuda must be on his own." The others nodded, and L held the phone up to his ear again. "Soooo, you wanna like, go out drinking tonight?" he asked, back in disguise. Bernie smirked and resisted the urge to laugh again.

Matsuda hesitated. "Right now? Sorry, I think I'll have to pass tonight," he replied.

"Aw, come on," L replied casually. "Don't tell me your wallet's _in trouble _again!" Matsuda noticed L's emphasis and his eyes widened.

He smiled shakily. "Uh, yeah," he replied enthusiastically, "_Big _trouble, with money; you know me too well!"

L held the phone back to his chest. "Matsuda's in big trouble," he said to the others. "Also, Bernie, I'm going to need more shortcake and ten sugar cubes to help me plan a new strategy."

Bernie nodded."Good luck, chere," she whispered, hurrying off to the kitchen to grab what L required. When she came back, L immediately inhaled four sugar cubes. He had already hung up the phone, and Soichiro stepped up.

"What are you planning to do, Ryuzaki?" he asked. L thought for a moment and ate another sugar cube.

"Well," he began, "We have to consider that if Matsuda dies, our suspicion of the Yotsuba Group will be confirmed." Bernie's lips parted, and she stared at L in shock. _Is that fool really considerin' lettin' Matsuda die?!_ she thought in shock. Before she could say anything, L continued. "Let's just watch the situation for the time being."

Bernie rushed to her room and grabbed a protection necklace. Immediately, she grabbed a sewing needle and pricked her finger. She took a deep breath and wrote Matsuda's name on the wooden charm before holding it to her chest and praying that he'd be alright. _Please let that silly boy Matsuda be alright, _she thought to herself worriedly. She slipped the necklace over her head and clasped it to her neck before tucking the charm underneath her blouse; if the others saw her wearing a necklace that had a charm with Matsuda's name written in blood on it, chances are they'd only get even more freaked out.

When she came back, L had Light on the phone to talk to Misa. "Tell her to hold her work phone up to us so we can hear what Matsuda is saying," he commanded. Light complied, and the others heard Matsuda through a speakerphone.

"Misa-Misa! When you're finished filming, come over to the Yotsuba Group head office," Matsuda said. "It's still tentative, but there's a chance that you may be able to appear in Yotsuba's commercials. We're working it out now." Misa smiled excitedly.

"What, are you for real?" Misa bubbled. "You're amazing, Matsu! Don't worry, we're wrapping up soon, so I'll be on my way!"

"Great! It's just a short trip by taxi. Here, I'll tell you the address," Matsuda replied.

L reached out to grab L's sleeve; his eyes were dark. "Listen to me, Light," he said seriously. "There is a chance that we will be able to save Matsuda, but we won't be able to do it without Misa's help. You know that she'll do anything you say, won't she?" Light and Soichiro looked at the detective incredulously, but before they could say anything, L swiveled in his chair to face Bernie.

Bernie raised an eyebrow. "What're you thinkin', dahlin'?" she asked confusedly. L at another sugar cube.

"For the plan that I have in mind," he began, "It would be best for someone besides Misa to join the Yotsuba Group. I would need it to be someone who could keep an eye on the Yotsuba Group members, and someone who I can easily communicate with." Bernie's eyes widened.

"No, no, no, chere," she replied hastily. "I'm a maid; I don't do surveillance!" She put a hand on her hip. "I wouldn't be much help, anyway; I ain't very good at bein' unnoticed." Bernie pointed at Wedy. "You've got one of Charlie's Angels over there, so why not here? She seems like she'd be able to slip in and out better than moi."

Wedy shook her head. "I'm a decent actress," she said, "But I'm more into technology." Wedy frowned. "But anywhere we go will already have security cameras, Ryuzaki; why do you need her to get involved?"

L finished the last cube. "Perhaps I should rephrase my earlier statement," he said. "I would need you to communicate with Misa and Matsuda through me. If you appear and are able to blend in, nobody will notice you. The Yotsuba Group is already suspicious of Matsuda and Misa, and they'll be watching their every move and phonecall." He looked up at Bernie again. "All you would need to do is listen to what I need you to tell Matsuda and Misa, because _you _wouldn't be in the group's prime interest."

Bernie nodded, still frowning. "But again, dahlin', why not Miss Wedy?" she asked. L shook his head.

"Wedy is older than the ideal person I need," he explained. "You and Misa are roughly the same age, and you would be less noticeable." Bernie hesitated, and L looked her in the eyes. "Bernie," he said grimly, "This is to save Matsuda's life." The maid pinched the protection charm and bit her lip. _If I do this and make a mistake, Matsuda's gonna die and I'll probably get killed too…I can't believe I'm agreein' to this!_

She sighed and nodded slowly. "O-Okay, Mistah Ryuzaki," she said solemnly. "I'll help save Matsuda in any way I can." L nodded, and he looked back up at her.

"Thank you, Bernie," he said. " I wouldn't normally ask someone of your position to do this, but you're the best option that's available to me. I'll be in your debt after this is over." Bernie nodded and wrapped her arms around the hunchback. Her voice was a small tremor, and she bit her lip to keep from sounding too scared.

"Just bring that boy back home alive and well," she whispered, her voice tight with fear and uncertainty. "Do ya understand me, Mistah Ryuzaki?"

L nodded. "I'll do what I can, Bernie." Bernie pulled away, and L looked over at Light. "Light, please tell Misa that she will need to prepare to have Bernie at the building." Light nodded and called Misa, who was waiting in the hall for Yotsuba's decision.

Bernie could her Misa's voice, even though the phone wasn't on speakerphone. "Oh my God, totally!" she squealed. "Ooh, tell her that Misa has the perfect outfit for her to wear! Or better yet, put her on the phone!" Light handed Bernie the phone, and she tentatively put it to her ear.

_Oh Law, she's gonna have me wearin' one of __**her **__lil' dresses and whatnot?_ the maid thought wearily. "Hello, Miss Misa?" she asked.

"Oh, Bernie-chan, Misa totally has the best thing for you to wear! Misa has some of the models from the agency to host a reception for all the Yotsuba members, and there's this one dress that'll look amazing!"

Bernie clenched her teeth in a fake smile. "Sounds, um, great, Miss Misa," she said uncomfortably. "Just tell me when you're ready for me to leave, alright, chere?"

"Okay," Misa replied, "It'll take a while for their meeting to be over and to get to the reception, so just take a taxi to this address ASAP." The model gave Bernie the address to the Yotsuba building while Bernie quickly wrote it down on her arm with a nearby pen.

"Alright, Miss Misa," Bernie replied. "But wait, is the outfit at the place you're goin' or is it at the hotel here?"

Misa giggled. "Silly Bernie-chan," she laughed, "I've always got outfits in my purse; why do you think it's so huge?" Bernie gave a small laugh. "Alright, Miss Misa," she said. "See ya soon, chere!"

Bernie shoved the phone away from her and back to Light. "By God, I'm already regretting this," she sighed, putting her head in her hands. L awkwardly patted her back to try and comfort her.

"I trust you to save Matsuda," he said. "Despite the fact that this wasn't exactly expected of you." Bernie gave a small dry chuckle, and looked up.

"You're such a sweetie, Mistah Ryuzaki," she said. "Well, I guess I'll be goin' now." L nodded, and he gestured towards Wedy and Aiber.

"Both Wedy and Aiber will need a way to get to the building as well," he said, "So they'll accompany you. Also, Wedy, do you have a small earpiece that Bernie could borrow?" Wedy nodded and fished in her leather pockets until a small black dot was resting in her palm. She placed it in Bernie's hand, and gave L an identical piece.

"Here's the other one for you, Ryuzaki," she said. L expertly adjusted the earpiece, and nodded firmly towards Bernie.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked. Bernie nodded, and L gave her another soul-piercing stare. "Good luck then, everyone," he said gravely. "We're all counting on you three."

**A/N**

**And thus, Wedy, Aiber, and Bernie are headed to take part in the plan to save poor Matsuda from Yotsuba. Good sweet God, Bernie in a Misa outfit is just making me snicker as I write this, because I'm still trying to have an idea as to what it's going to be. In the original series, all the models are wearing the same initial uniform: short cheerleader-esque skirts, and a sleeveless little shirt with a chest hole shaped like a heart in the middle. But heck, I want Bernie to look different somehow, and Misa wouldn't have an identical outfit to her own in her purse; ergo, I'm thinking of Misa-ish dresses for Bernie. **

**A thing I had trouble with for this chapter was that L's decision to have his MAID go undercover on a mission seemed somewhat out of character, but I tried to reword that part to point out that he couldn't use Wedy, because Wedy looks older than the older girls and would stand out too much (even though I will admit she's probably the "sexiest" character on the show in my opinion in terms of actual sex appeal). While Bernie looks definitely foreign, she's the same age as Misa, and L knows that she can be very friendly like the other hostesses, so she'd be a better candidate. **

**Oh look, Ryuk made an appearance in this chapter, and Merry and Pippin too! Well, it was a somewhat short appearance, but Ryuk wouldn't be the type to just sit around in the hotel building all day; he'd be cruising the town, checking out the human world until Light regains his memory. **

**Oh well, until next time, I'm Everyonesfangirl13579. Cheers, gentle-readers!**


	14. Chapter 14

In the taxi, Bernie glanced at both Wendy and Aiber. "So," she said slowly, "What exactly do yall do? I hadn't had a lotta time to get acquainted with you two." Wedy shrugged and stared out the window; she had already dressed in her disguise, which included a fur coat, hat, and sunglasses.

"_Maybe we could talk about this in English," _Aiber said. "_The taxi driver only understands Japanese, so I doubt he'll be able to understand what we're saying." _Bernie nodded. "_I knew you were American!" _she replied.

Wedy checked her nails. "_Well," _she began, "_I'm one of the best hackers in the world, and I've never been caught after I rob a place." _Bernie raised an eyebrow, and she gave the woman a half-smile.

"_You did seem like a cat burglar to me," _the maid replied. "_But a job's a job." _She looked over at Aiber. "_And you, Mistah Aiber? Are you a hacker/robber too?" _

Aiber shook his head and grinned. "_No," _he replied in a convincing New Orleans accent, "_I'm actually a con man, able to trick almost anyone. You could say I'm the greatest criminal actor in the world; like Wedy, I've never been caught._"

Bernie whistled low. "_That's a darn good accent there, chere," _she replied. _"You're pretty talented." _They all chuckled, and they all arrived at the Yotsuba building. "So, you comin' out with me," Bernie said in Japanese, "Or do you wanna wait while I get the reception address from Misa?" They both shook their heads.

"Ryuzaki already gave us the address that Misa told him," Wedy said. "We'll meet you after we rescue Matsuda." Bernie nodded.

"Alright then," she replied. "See ya soon, dahlins!" The taxi peeled away from the parking lot, and Bernie noticed Misa outside the entrance. The maid waved, and Misa ran over to tackle-glomp her.

"Bernie-chan, you finally made it!" she cheered. She pulled away from Bernie and crossed her arms. "You're still wearing your maid apron? That won't work at all, Bernie-chan!" Immediately, she untied Bernie's apron and set it into her giant black purse. Bernie peered inside and saw a black dress next to a pair of chunky heels of the same color.

"Is that the dress you were talkin' 'bout?" she asked. Misa nodded eagerly and put them both in Bernie's arms. "Yep," the model replied, "Misa's about the same size as you, and I thought that you'd look good in this one! Here, you can go upstairs with me and put it on in the bathroom." She took Bernie's free hand and dragged her upstairs where Matsuda was outside in the hallway on his cell phone.

He looked up and saw Misa in front of him, along with Bernie; his eyes widened in surprise. "Bernie!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Is Ryuzaki on the way?" Bernie nodded.

"He won't be comin' here himself, but he's got a plan," she replied. "And keep your voice down, sugah; you want someone to hear ya?" Matsuda blushed and looked down. "S-Sorry," he replied.

Misa dragged Bernie off to a nearby bathroom. "We'll see you in a bit, Matsu!" she said. "C'mon Bernie-chan, I'll help you get this dress on!" They both ventured into the first stall, and Bernie shut the door before quickly undressing and handing her old clothes to Misa over the door.

After a bit of maneuvering and twisting inside the stall, Bernie looked down at herself in the dress and frowned; this dress was a little…much for her. "Hey, Miss Misa," she said uncomfortably, "I dunno 'bout this dress…" Misa frowned and tried to peer through the crack in the door.

"Aw, what's wrong with it, Bernie-chan? Let me see how it looks on you!" she replied. Bernie took a deep breath and opened the stall door, and Misa clapped her hands. "Bernie-chan," she squealed, "You look amazing; Misa knew you'd look good in that outfit!" Misa held up a white lace choker and matching headband. "Here, I'll put these on you."

Once Misa had gotten everything onto Bernie, she pulled her to the floor length mirror. "Oh dear God," Bernie squeaked, turning red with embarrassment. Misa put her hands on Bernie's shoulders. "So, what do you think?" Misa asked.

_I think I know a few Mardi Gras dancers that have worn somethin' like this lil' number, _she thought to herself as she stared at herself in the mirror. Bernie could have nearly died of embarrassment at the dress she was now wearing: It was an incredibly short and sleeveless maid's outfit, and tied around the neck with a large bow. The trim of the skirt was covered with lace, as well as the edges of the other parts of the dress. The skirt itself was slightly puffed out and stopped a little further than mid-thigh. Bernie's honey colored hair was let down for once and instead of just a messy bun, she had the white frilly headband near the crown of her head. "I think it's gonna make a great impression, that's for sure," she finally said.

Misa giggled and walked with Bernie to Matsuda, who was still alone in the hallway. Matsuda noticed Bernie's new outfit and turned bright red. Bernie sighed and pulled down on her skirt. "I know, chere, I know," she said to Matsuda. "But it's okay, I'm only wearin' this for one night." Matsuda nodded, but tried not to make eye contact with her very often. Misa tapped her shoulder and whispered, "When they meet you, make up a fake name so they won't be able to kill you. Okay?" Bernie nodded and immediately thought up of a nickname that would be easy to remember. The doors opened to reveal the eight Yotsuba Group members walking to welcome Misa and Matsuda back into the room.

They noticed Bernie with them, and all of them stared at her. Bernie smiled cheerily. "Oh, hello, everyone!" she greeted, bowing. "I'm Zelia Sito, a friend of Misa. She told me that yall were considerin' her for your spokesperson, and we both decided to have a lil' reception for all of you!" The Yotsuba noticed her accent, and she giggled. "I bet yall have noticed by now, but I'm from New Orleans, Louisiana, in America. So, are you ready to meet everyone?"

They nodded, a little uncertain about what to do. Misa, Matsuda, and Bernie followed them to a limo they had called into a parking lot. Bernie sat next to a slender man with long black hair, and one man who strangely reminded her of an old poster about not taking candy from strangers.

"So, Zelia," the long haired one said, "How exactly do you know Misa?" Bernie leaned back into her seat and crossed her legs.

"Oh, dahlin'," she replied, "I'm a friend of Misa's from an old agency in America. We've been like honey and a bee ever since I showed her a Mardi Gras festival a while back!" The long haired man chuckled dryly.

"I see," he replied. "You do look like a foreign model, that's for sure." Bernie smiled and falsely blushed. "Well, aren't you sweet, hun," she cooed. "I'm bettin' you're the charmer of the group, hmm?" Namikawa smiled in a somewhat creepy way, and Bernie refused the urge to shudder.

Misa told the driver to stop at a decent looking hotel, and she pulled Bernie out of the car, smiling mischievously. "These guys are creepin' me out, Miss Misa," she whispered. "Mistah Ryuzaki hasn't even given me instructions to tell you or Matsuda…" Misa put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, Bernie-chan," she whispered. "I have some other girls from the agency to help keep them distracted until Ryuzaki's ready." Bernie nodded, and suddenly she heard L's voice in her right ear.

"**Ah, I see you and the others entering the building,**" he said. "**Wedy and Aiber are standing by, so all you need to do is make the Yotsuba members feel comfortable enough until the plan can begin its execution.**" Bernie stiffened and lightly pressed the small device in her ear.

"Alright then, chere," she quietly replied. "But these fellas are a little, er, off." She stuck to the black haired man from the limo ride and decided to try and closer to him more than the others; he already seemed interested in her, and she'd be able to distract him for whatever plan that L might've had.

"**You look quite provocative in Misa's dress," **L remarked. "**You'll fit in well with the other girls that Misa invited." **Bernie couldn't respond without the black haired man hearing her, so she merely smirked to herself.

"I'm not quite sure what to call you," she remarked, walking with the long haired businessman. "What's your name, sugah?"

"I'm Namikawa, the marketing head for Yotsuba," he said. Bernie nodded and they stopped at a door Misa had opened.

"Well, Mistah Namikawa," she said cheerfully, "I hope ya like a party!" The door opened, and five other girls in outfits identical to Misa's bowed.

"Good evening!" they all said in unison. "We're very pleased to meet you!" Misa stepped forward. "Tonight, we'll be entertaining you as our special guest, along with the girls from the agency."

One of the Yotsuba men looked back at his other members. "Hey," he said awkwardly, "Is it just me or is this getting weird?" Another one with glasses nodded slightly. "Well," Glasses said, "It can't be helped; right now, we can't afford to leave Misa's manager alone for a second. "

Another one spoke up. "Let's just go with it; I'm gonna enjoy myself!" The others followed suit, stepping inside, giving small agreements. "Alright," one said. "It's kinda hard to go wrong with this."

Matsuda gave a nervous laugh, and Bernie walked up to him. "It's alright, chere," she said quietly. "Mistah Ryuzaki's got cameras in here, so he'll be watchin' you. Just sit tight, and I'll get ya when he tells me." He nodded firmly, and Bernie followed the other models to get some sushi and sake for their guests.

"So," one in red said, "Misa told us that her manager's gonna pretend to fall off the building tonight; is that true?" Bernie stiffened; was _that _Ryuzaki's plan? A second later she heard Ryuzaki's voice in her ear again.

"**Misa has already informed them about Matsuda pretending to die as a prank," **L explained. "**You can respond to them positively." **

Bernie giggled mischievously and nodded. "Yep, Matsu's gonna fall off as a prank," she replied. "And then the next day he'll come back with Misa to their building to freak 'em out. Funny, right?" The other girls tittered, and Bernie followed them with a plate of sushi in one hand and a tray of sake in another.

About a half hour into the party, the Yotsuba members were finally getting comfortable, and L hadn't talked to Bernie for a long time. _The hell is he up to? _she thought. _I've been hangin' on the arm of Mistah Namikawa for twenty minutes! _As Namikawa was talking about a vacation in the Swiss Alps that Bernie could join him on, the maid finally heard L's voice.

"**Please bring Matsuda to a private location outside the room, please." **Bernie gave a small nod, pretending to listen to Namikawa.

"Oh, Mistah Namikawa, that sounds like a lotta fun," she replied sweetly. "Hang on a minute though, sugah? I gotta get more sake for everyone." She rose, refused the urge to pull down on her skirt, and walked towards the door where Matsuda was standing. As she walked, she told him, "Meet me in the bathroom in forty five seconds." Matsuda frowned in confusion, but nodded as Bernie made her way into the nearest restroom.

She opened every stall to make sure the room was empty, and about a minute later, Matsuda walked in. "What's going on, Bernie?" he asked. "Has Ryuzaki made a plan yet?" Bernie locked the bathroom door and shrugged.

"That's what I'm guessin'," she replied. "Mistah Ryuzaki just told me to bring you to a private place." She talked into her device. "I got 'im, Mistah Ryuzaki," she said. "We're ready for what ya got planned."

"**Good work, Bernie," **he replied. Matsuda walked up to Bernie's ear and said, "L-Look, Ryuzaki," he said shakily, "I'm really sorry that I—" Bernie winced and pushed him away.

"Not that I don't love and care about ya, Matsuda," she said, "But you're yelling right in my damn ear. Here, I'll tell you what Mistah Ryuzaki's sayin', and I'll tell Mistah Ryuzaki what you're sayin'. Alright?"

Matsuda nodded sheepishly. "Sorry," he replied. Bernie shrugged and talked into the receiver.

"Matsuda's sorry for all the trouble he's caused," she said. "Anything you need him to know yet?"

"**While I appreciate the sentiment, that his apology doesn't really matter at this time. I want Matsuda to tell me about the Yotsuba meeting that he eavesdropped on." **Bernie gave a quick yes, and Matsuda told her what happened.

"The eight Yotsuba members here were havin' a meetin' to determine who'd they'd get Kira to kill for 'em!" Bernie exclaimed. "Matsuda heard 'em clearly say it; he says there's no doubt they're behind this."

L nodded from his computer chair. "**Yes, that is probably true," **he replied. "**But if Matsuda did overhear them and they caught him, then they're most likely be trying to kill you now." **Bernie swallowed and relayed the message to Matsuda. Matsuda paled, but nodded. "I know," he said. "But is there anything I can do to save myself?"

Bernie bit her lip. "Mistah Ryuzaki, Matsuda wants to know what he can do to save himself." L paused for a moment.

"**Well, luckily he's still alive, so we may be able to save him. But for that to happen, Matsuda will have to die before the Yotsuba members can kill him." **

Bernie paled. "Mistah Ryuzaki," she replied in a panicked voice, "I can't tell him that!" Matsuda heard her and stiffened with worry. Bernie heard L's voice in her ear, only he was much more firm.

"**Bernie," **he said, "**You have to tell him what I have planned. Tell him." **Bernie hesitated, but she nodded and looked over at Matsuda. "He…said that they'll be able to save you," she said woefully. "But for that to happen, you'll have to die before the Yotsuba members can kill you." Matsuda's eyes widened, and Bernie put a hand on his shoulder. "You're gonna live, I promise," she whispered, uncertain that her promise was genuine.

"But how?" Matsuda asked.

Bernie heard L again. "**Listen to me very carefully," **he ordered. "**And repeat this plan to Matsuda exactly as I describe it to you." **Bernie nodded. "Alright, Mistah Ryuzaki," she whispered. "Go ahead."

L explained the details of his plan to Bernie, who repeated what he said to Matsuda. When she finished, Matsuda paled. "B-But that's crazy!" he protested. Bernie nodded.

"Believe me, I know, chere," she said. "But if Mistah Ryuzaki's got a plan, then I'm sure it'll work." She gave Matsuda a warm, confident smile, and he nodded wearily. "Now c'mon, we gotta get this plan in motion before too long." Matsuda followed her, and Bernie remembered to grab a bottle of sake to look like she had gotten some for Namikawa.

Bernie sat down next to him and smiled. "Well, it was an adventure and a half to get some sake, but I finally got some!" she declared, pouring him a glass. Namikawa poured Bernie a glass, and he held up his own.

"A small toast," he said silkenly, "To our very kind hosts." Bernie covered up her cringe with a smile and held up her own glass. "Hear, hear, dahlin'!" she agreed, taking a small swig. While Namikawa was talking to her about something or other, the door slammed open, and Matsuda staggered inside.

Matsuda laughed. "Woooow," he said slowly, "I am soooo drunk…" Bernie covered up her mouth to hide her smirk; Matsuda acting as a drunk was just too adorably funny, even if he was about to fake his own death. She quickly stopped as Matsuda stumbled over to the balcony. "And now," Matsuda declared, climbing onto the rail. "The Great Taro Matsui Show!"

Misa clapped her hands, and Bernie followed suit. The Yotsuba members tried to call him down, but the girls were all cheering for Matsuda. "Go Matsu!"

Matsuda slowly walked on the rail, and a Yotsuba member yelled, "Get off there, you're gonna fall, you idiot!" Matsuda waved him off. "Nah, it's okay," he replied drunkenly. "I do this all the time!"

As he slowly walked across the rail, he flipped down into a handstand onto the small bar. The others were yelling for him to get down, and even the girls were worried. Bernie closed her eyes and silently prayed. _Let this plan work, _she thought. _Or at least let Matsuda just land on something soft if he doesn't aim right…_

The entire room watched Matsuda stumble and slip off of the railing, looking as if he were plummeting towards the ground. A small thud was heard, and Bernie gave a small scream; was it Matsuda down there, or just a dummy? Everyone ran to the balcony, where a familiar blonde woman was hysterically calling an ambulance. Bernie couldn't help but give a small smile; if Wedy was down there, then everything had gone perfectly!

Misa stood up. "Everyone, it's best if you just go home and let us take care of this, alright?" she said. One of the Yotsuba members frowned.

"What?" he asked. "But—"

Bernie stopped him and smiled. "Don't worry, dahlin' we'll handle it. Just don't forget about considerin' Misa for your next ad campaign, okay?" Glasses stood up and put on his jacket, walking out the door.

"Let's go," he ordered. "If the press sees us, we're in trouble." After they had filed out, the models left, leaving Misa and Bernie alone.

"C'mon," Misa urged. "We need to get to the ambulance with the others!" Bernie nodded and rushed down the stairs with the model and hopped into the ambulance's open doors. Light and L were disguised as EMT's, and Aiber removed his black wig from being disguised as a dead Matsuda.

Bernie leaned against the side of the car and smiled wearily. "Well, that was fun," she sighed.

As they sped away, L spoke up. "While I'm aware of the fact that we're shorthanded, I'm not very pleased about having to do this sort of thing myself." The detective put a finger in his mouth. "Matsuda, you idiot…"

The group in the ambulance had made it back to the hotel earliest, and everyone waited with L until Matsuda, Wedy, and Soichiro had come back. Bernie went to the kitchen to fetch a few pieces of shortcake and an entire mountain of sugar cubes for L. When she set down the tray, she saw Matsuda standing in the doorway. Immediately, she ran up to him and wrapped her arms around the cop.

"Oh, thank God ya made it outta there," she cried. Matsuda smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, it was pretty scary at first, but—"

Before he could finish, Bernie swiftly shot out her arm and grasped Matsuda's ear with her thumb and forefinger. "Nevah, _evah, _do somethin' foolish like that again!" she snapped in a motherly tone. "I ain't happy 'bout leavin' my job just to save a fool who was tryin' to get lucky. I had to deal with bein' 'round a buncha creepy businessmen, wearin' a damn lacy minidress, and turnin' into James Bond for a day, and all because you were actin' stupid." Matsuda winced, and Bernie pinched harder. "Next time, think before you leap." She released his ear and put her hands on her hips. "You understand me. boy?"

Matsuda put a hand over his now bright red ear. "Y-Yes, Bernie," he stammered, looking down. "I'm sorry." Bernie nodded and gave Matsuda another hug before lying down on the couch with her legs crossed.

L started working on devouring that sugar cube mountain, he tilted his head back. "Personally, I think you did quite well, Bernie," he replied. "You're quite versatile, which is good to know." Bernie laughed.

"Oh, sweetie, you're makin' me blush," she teased. Bernie hopped up and grabbed a sugar cube. "I deserve a reward then," she declared, popping the cube in her mouth. L stared at the loss of one of his cubes with a crestfallen face, and Bernie raised an eyebrow. "Aw, don't tell me I can't have one cube without you gettin' sad?" L ate another cube, and Bernie sighed before kissing his cheek. "I don't like when you're blue," she chided. "I'll make some brownies if ya want," she offered. L nodded eagerly, and Bernie winked before heading into the kitchen.

When she was out of sight, L kept his eyes fixed on his monitors and refused to look at anyone directly while he played with his sugar cubes. Wedy, who was leaning against the wall with Aiber, smirked and bumped Aiber's elbow before reaching into her pocket to hand the con man a fifty dollar bill.


	15. Chapter 15

During another extremely late night, Bernie arrived in the computer room with a tray of brownies when she noticed that L's right hand was handcuffed to Light's left hand. "Ummm," she drawled, "Mind if I ask what's goin' on with the handcuffs, chere?" L looked up.

"Hmm? Oh, yes," he replied, looking at the silver chain. "Before you arrived, I had handcuffed myself to Light to watch him closely after becoming Kira. I had to remove it though, because Light was fiddling with his clasp and it closed around his skin to the point where it was actually drawing blood." He jiggled his cuff. "It took us a few hours to remove it from both of us, and the only way to do that was to destroy the first one. Watari had bought another one though, and he gave it to me a few hours ago."

Bernie nodded slowly. "I see," she replied. "Boy, you really are committed to this case." She smiled and sat down next to Light, who was fast asleep. "I guess he's gotta stay with ya until the wee hours of the mornin' then…" L nodded, and a long silence ensued.

"Bernie," L finally said, "If I am to die, I need to do something for me." Bernie frowned and looked at L confusedly.

"Hold on now, sugah," she replied uncertainly, "What's all this about you dyin' soon? You feelin' alright?"

L ate another brownie piece. "I feel quite well," he said comfortably, "But if I am killed during the case, I have a task for you." Bernie raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly.

"Sure, chere, I'll do this task and whatnot," she replied. "After all, it would technically be your dyin' wish, and I can't refuse that!" L nodded and reached under his shirt. Bernie blinked. "You better have a point with this, Mistah Ryuzaki," she drawled.

L finally stopped and pulled out a letter from his collar. He placed the letter onto Bernie's lap. "After my death, I would like you to read this letter," he explained. Bernie traced the wax seal, which was an elegant 'L'. "Once I die, Light would most likely become my successor. While he has technically been proven innocent, I still believe that Light is Kira, or was at one time." Bernie nodded slowly and glanced over at Light's sleeping form.

_I know Ryuzaki's probably the smartest fella in the world, _she thought, _I still can't believe that Light would be Kira…I'd need more proof, but I might as well hear what L has to say._

"If Kira becomes L, then everyone close to me will not be safe," L continued. "That includes you, Bernie. While I wouldn't be able to personally find you a safe place to be, I could at the very least make sure you have security." Bernie's eyes widened slightly, and she pointed at herself.

"You're gonna do somethin' like that for me?" she asked. "I'm just the help, dahlin'!"

L raised a nonexistent eyebrow, but looked down bashfully at his brownie platter. "Oh," he replied quietly, picking up another square. "I assumed that you considered me a friend, though; we have become surprisingly close, you see."

Bernie put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, sugah," she replied hastily, "I didn't mean we weren't friends! We are friends, but still, I assumed you always thought of me as the maid first and as a friend second. Y'know, you're quite professional like that."

L tilted his head and put a finger on his lips. "You're quite easy to manipulate emotionally, you know," he remarked, and Bernie's mouth slowly opened.

"Did you act sad just to make me feel bad for sayin' we weren't friends?" she asked in disbelief. L nodded and ate another brownie.

"I wished to test how you would act if my feelings seemed hurt," he explained. "And you reacted the way I expected you to perfectly." Bernie scowled and grabbed one of L's brownies before taking a big bite. L gave a small childish frown; he hated sharing sweets, even if it was Bernie.

"Don't you get blue over a brownie," she chided, teasingly taking another bite to goad L. " 'Sides, it's only fair, dahlin'; you mess with me, I mess with you!" L gave a small pout, and Bernie couldn't help but smile at his adorable childish face. "Aw, sweetie," she giggled, "That's just not fair to give me a cute lil' face like that."

L looked up at his many monitors, and his eyes rested on a monitor of Bernie serving him multiple treats and then wrapping her arms around him. From what he could see on the next few tapes, she always acted more affectionate towards him than anyone else on the Task Force. _She's most likely being more affectionate due to her nature, _he thought. _It wouldn't be rational for her to have romantic feelings for me; she'd consider it wrong, as I'm technically her employer._

He glanced at Bernie, who was leaning back in a chair and humming a blues song with her eyes closed. _I do wonder though…_he thought curiously. Bernie opened her eyes and saw L staring at her. "What's wrong, chere?" she asked, looking down at herself. "Oh, I'm still wearin' Misa's dress; oh well, I'm too tired to change right now." She looked back over at L. "You alright, dahlin'?"

L nodded. "Considering the fact that we are friends," he said, "Could you call me 'Ryuzaki'?" Bernie shrugged.

"Sure, chere," she replied casually. "I'm tired of callin' you Mistah anyway." The woman yawned, and L ate another brownie.

"You don't need to stay up any later," he said. "If you're tired, you can go to sleep if you wish." Bernie shook her head.

"Oh, it's fine, sugah," she yawned. "If I go to bed, you won't have anyone but Mistah Watari to make you sweets; he's already busy, I assume, so I won't hit the hay just yet." L watched her eyelids droop, and he shook his head.

"You're clearly tired," he protested in his monotone. "If you bake while tired, the possibility of you endangering yourself, others, or the sweets is roughly 86%." Bernie frowned and put a finger on L's shoulder.

She smiled with her eyes half-lidded. "I think I figured somethin' out about you," she drawled sleepily. "When you say any percentage, it actually means that the percent is 100%. You use the other numbers to throw others off to make them believe what you want, like right now, dahlin'."

L gave a small smile. "An interesting conclusion," he replied. "But, you're somewhat accurate. I'm impressed by your ability to read my behavior, Bernie." Bernie grinned.

"Well, we are pretty close, right, chere?" she replied. L nodded, and he tilted his head.

"Despite this, you clearly need to sleep," he ordered. "I won't need any sweets for the rest of the night." Bernie shook her head stubbornly.

"No, no," she said, "I'll be fine, Ryuzaki!" L leaned forward and put a hand on her shoulder.

Bernie stiffened, and L whispered into her ear. "Please do not argue with me, Bernie," he whispered. "Go to sleep." The maid felt L's cold slender fingers on her bare shoulder and nodded quickly.

"Alright," she sighed, getting up. "You win another round, Ryuzaki…" Before she left the room, she smirked. "You say I'm easy to manipulate, huh?" she asked.

L nodded. "Your reactions can be somewhat predictable." Bernie smirked and gave L a lingering kiss an inch away from his lips. As he stiffened and turned a shade of grey pink, Bernie pat his head and grinned mischievously.

"So are you!"she whispered, stumbling off to her room. L put a hand to his cheek and was silent for a long time as he watched Bernie enter her room. After a while, he turned back to his monitors and ate the last brownie. _Two can play at this game of affectionate teasing,_ he thought.

**A/N**

**I know, short chapter. But I had the perfect leeway for the next chapter, and I wanted a good cliffhanger. So, L's planning on seeing how he can act affectionate towards Bernie to turn the tables, eh? Well, considering it's L, he's totally going to make Bernie regret ever teasing him. Til next chapter, I'm Everyonesfangirl13579!**


	16. Chapter 16

Bernie stirred in her bed when she felt Merry and Pippin sleeping on her chest. "Nggh," she yawned irritably, rubbing her eyes and placing her cats on the other side of the bed. "What time is it?" she muttered, glancing at her clock. The small glowing digits read 7:30 am, and the maid scowled at her clock; she'd gotten used to waking up early with a few hours of sleep, but for some reason she was feeling too tired and upset to do anything.

_Ugh, _Bernie thought, _Feels like Merry or Pippin peed on the bed; dammit! _She pulled up her sheets, preparing to see a light yellow. Instead, she saw a small circle of rust red and twitched. _That explains me bein' tired and annoyed…_ "Not today," she whispered, rushing to her bathroom. "Dammit, dammit, dammit! Stupid Bernie, you bakasweetie; you didn't prepare at all!" After quickly changing clothes and making the necessary adjustments, the maid hurried into the kitchen to grab a sponge and cloth cleaning solution.

It took Bernie about ten minutes before the stain disappeared, and after washing her hands she headed into the kitchen again to prepare coffee and pastries for L and the others. "I marked today on my calendar, I remember that," she muttered, hastily stacking pastries and coffee onto a tray. "How come I didn't see it?!" Growling and muttering to herself, she kicked the door to the computer room open and silently handed everyone their food.

Matsuda gave her an innocent smile and took his coffee. "Thanks, Bernie," he said. "How're you today?" Bernie gave him a narrow-eyed look, and he fell silent as she moved on to everyone else and finally to L, handing him all of the baked goods that she had left on the tray.

The detective hastily took one and ripped off a strawberry filled donut piece. "Thank you, Bernie," he said. "I'm surprised you had the time to bake these last night." Bernie felt her eye twitch; she knew he hadn't said anything wrong, but she was instinctively annoyed with the comment nonetheless.

"Well," she sighed impatiently, "Stayin' up with you can be a challenge when you're feelin' like emotionally manipulatin' me, Ryuzaki." L merely ate another pastry, and Bernie scowled at the side of his head. "Why the hell does nothin' faze you?" Bernie snapped. "Are ya _that _emotionally dead?" L turned to face her, a somewhat bored look on his face.

"To a degree, yes," he replied. "Why do you ask, Bernie?" Bernie clenched her right fist; he always had to turn words on people…

"….If ya need anythin' else, just come into my room," she said in a low voice, picking up the tray and beginning to walk away. L nodded.

"I see," he replied. "You're feeling emotionally stressed because you've started your menstruation cycle, correct?"

Bernie stiffened and turned on one heel to face her boss. "And how did _you _know that?" the maid growled. "I can't be that transparent, can I?" L shook his head and held up a calendar that Bernie instantly recognized was her own

"You have today's date marked," he explained. "I was looking through this calendar when you were a Kira suspect to see if you had actually written down dates on it for criminals, but when I saw nothing I must have forgotten to give it back to you." He held out the small calendar in his pale hand.

Bernie twitched before snatching it up and tucking it under her arm. Instead of following her instinctive urge to slap Ryuzaki's cheek until it was bright scarlet, she merely looked at him with a cold, angry glare. "Is my room soundproof?" she asked tightly. L nodded. "Why do you ask, Bernie?"

"No reason," she replied quickly, hurriedly walking back to her room. Before shutting the door, she called back to everyone in the room. "Yall don't come in here for about a half hour, you hear me?" The door shut with a loud slam, and Bernie locked the door before slowly lying face-up on her bed. She took a deep breath, counted to three—

And let out the longest stream of French and Creole curses she had ever yelled at the top of her lungs. "Sa, pitit gason yon femèl chen! Bata! Perverti sexuel! Pourrir dans les plus profonds abîmes de l'enfer! Comment ose-t-il volé mon calendrier; il ne peut pas gérer mes articles! Poukisa se li tèlman anmèdan?!" (**That son of a bitch! Baastard! Pervert! Rot in the deepest bits of hell! How dare he steal my calendar; he has no right to touch my things! Why is he so annoying?!) **She went on and on until she heard the door creak open.

Bernie shot up and saw Matsuda at the doorframe, a look of worry on his face. "Hey, Bernie," he greeted. "Are you okay? We can hear you yelling from the computer room, and I was wondering if I could get you anything to make me feel better." Bernie's scowl was still plastered on her face, her shouts ringing in her ears.

"I am getting' a wantin' for some mangoes and chocolate," she muttered to herself, dashing to her fridge while Merry and Pippin slept on their respective beds. After practically ripping the door off its hinges, Bernie rummaged through her fridge, which was regrettably empty. "No," she whispered, feeling her craving rise as she clawed her shelves. "No, no, no, no, no! Damn it, I'm outta mangoes AND chocolate?!" Growling, she slammed the fridge shut and cursed.

Matsuda jumped, and he turned red. "I-If you want, I think Watari can buy you some of that stuff—" He was interrupted as Bernie gripped his shoulders and started shaking him, angry tears running down her face.

"Ya don' understan', Mahtsuda!" she yelled, her face red and her Louisiana accent severely crippling her Japanese. "When ah get cravin's at this time, ah can' even breathe until ah get 'em; I'm gonna goddamn explode soon, an' without mangoes or chocolate NOBODY'S comin' outta this alive!" Matsuda gripped the nearby doorknob and staggered back while Bernie clutched him.

"O-Okay!" he replied, panicked. "I'll, um, go get help and get some mangoes and chocolate as fast as possible then; just….stay calm!" Bernie released Matsuda, and he bolted to go get L. Sighing, the maid sat down on the bed and felt her cravings and anger flare. After a few seconds of staring at one of her pillows, Bernie yanked her drawer open and whipped out her grandmother's old ceremonial knife and gripped it tightly.

_Just hold onto somethin' familiar, _she thought, trying to calm down while taking deep breaths. _Ignore the cravin' for mangoes…sweet, juicy mangoes….And dark rich chocolate…. _Bernie threw the knife at the wall and yelled, "Dammit Matsuda, you're takin' too long!" Realizing what she had just done, she cursed and quickly ran to pull the knife from the wall and slip it back into the drawer. Once she had it safely hidden again, Bernie stood and scowled at the wall closest to her.

The door opened again, and without seeing who it was again, she refused to look at the door and instead glared at the wall in front of her. "Ki sa ou vle?!" she snapped. Realizing that whoever it was probably couldn't understand her, she corrected herself and switched back to Japanese. "What do you want?" she asked, still keeping her acidic tone.

"You've been cursing in French and Haitian Creole for an hour and a half now," a monotonous voice said. "Matsuda said that you wanted mangoes and chocolate; while I don't have mangoes nearby, I do have a selection of chocolate for you if you want it."Bernie whipped around to see L in front of her, and her eyes widened at a small mountain of chocolate in the detective's arms; from the looks of the different languages on the wrappers, she assumed that they must have come from one of his secret stashes.

"Oh, thank the Law," she squeaked, grabbing a handful of brightly colored wrappers and sitting on the bed while unwrapping chocolate bar after chocolate bar. L merely stood and watched her eat until he saw her shoulders relax, and her eyes become half-lidded.

He held a wrapper between his thumb and index finger and slowly nibbled on the bar. "Are the endorphins chemically reacting to your body yet? You seem to be relaxing." Bernie nodded slowly and sprawled onto the bed while she devoured the candy; her eyes closed and a warm, content smile on her face.

A strange thought bloomed into Bernie's head, and her annoyance and anger was slowly ebbing away her relaxed demeanor. "How could you and Matsuda hear me, chere; I thought you said my room was soundproof, Ryuzaki!" she said, crossing her arms. "Or were you '_testin' ' _me again?"

L shook his head. "All of the rooms are soundproofed," he explained. "But only in the sense that it severely muffles sound. You, however, are somehow able to raise your voice beyond the volume limit of the walls to the point that I can hear you quite well." Bernie turned red and felt Merry leap into her arms. To keep calm, she pet his back and scowled at the wall again.

"Well," Bernie said evenly, "While I appreciate the sentiment, Ryuzaki, I'm very burned at you right now." L tilted his head and put a finger in his mouth."Why's that, Bernie?" he asked.

His maid huffed and put her hands on her hips. "Because—" Bernie stopped and quickly pulled L's finger out of his mouth and pinned his hands to his sides. "Because you stole mah calendar, and just said out loud, plain as day about mah damn cycles!"

"I was merely making an observation on your somewhat strained nerves and irritable behavior," L replied. "Misa Amane is actually going through the same process at this moment, and I was curious if that was the reason behind _your _behavior." Bernie raised an eyebrow, still scowling. She released his arms from her grip and crossed her arms.

"So, Miss Misa's always angry like I am during this time?" She laughed, sounding surprisingly giddy. "Poor lil' Light must be in Hades!" After laughing hysterically, Bernie felt herself becoming back to her angry self again.

L thought for a moment. "In all honesty," he replied, "I prefer your emotional responses than Misa; she constantly cries at random intervals, and it's quite distracting when I'm trying to investigate." Bernie gave a small harsh laugh and noticed that L's cuffed hand was being pulled back slightly.

She pointed at the suspended chain. "Where's Light? Ain't yall still chain buddies?" she asked, her frown a steady line. L nodded and opened the front door to reveal Light standing behind the door. "You don't have to stand out there, sòt!" (**Idiot!)** Bernie snapped. Light slowly walked in, a cell phone in his hand.

"Sorry," he apologized, holding up the phone. "Misa's been calling all morning from her room because L banned her from the computer room until she stops...you know. I would've talked to her over the phone in the computer room, but L banned me from communicating " Bernie scoffed.

"Miss Misa can't be that terrible," she snapped skeptically. "Well, I'm sure she can, but that don't mean she's so terrible that ya can't even—" Light held up his cell phone, which revealed 40 text messages and twenty three voicemails, all from Misa.

"I beg to differ, Bernie," he replied. "All of these messages are from late last night and early this morning." Light played the first message, which was of Misa sobbing hysterically. '**LIIIIIIGHT-KUUUUUUN! I—broke-a—pencil—and-the-splinters-got-onto-my-favorite-skirrrrrrrrrrt!' **

Bernie clutched her ears. "Silans telefòn nan, modi li; li fè m mal zòrèy mwen! she yelled angrily. Light frowned and put his cell phone away."Um, what was that?" he asked.

L stepped forward. "I believe it was Creole," he explained. "In Bernie's region of Louisiana, many citizens speak a hybrid of both this and French. If I had to assume, she's using it because it's easier for her to say and not have to translate into Japanese due to her emotions wearing her patience." He thought for a moment. "My Creole is somewhat rusty, but she most likely said: 'Turn off the cell phone, damn it; it hurts my ears'." He glanced back at Bernie. "Am I correct?"

Bernie glowered at him, still holding onto her ears. "Yes, it was," she growled. "Glad to know that you could hear everythin' I was sayin' a lil' while ago." L nodded.

"Correct, Bernie," he replied. "From what I could hear, I would like to inform you that I am not a pervert, and that I did not 'steal' your calendar; I merely was so busy trying to catch a serial killer that I failed to remember to return it to your room." Bernie narrowed her eyes.

"Yes, chere," she replied curtly, her voice edged with anger. "The smartest man in the world, who can watch and remember a zillion things at once, can't remember to give ONE calendar back to a gal." The maid sat down on her bed and sighed, pinching the bridge. "I'm gonna take a shower to try and calm down," Bernie sighed, "Unless you wanna see me nude, then both of ya better leave, dahlin's." Light immediately turned to leave, and L followed behind him.

Bernie headed into the bathroom and stripped, leaping into the shower and turning the hot water knob all the way to the right. Once the steaming water hit her back, she slowly smiled and felt her shoulders relax. _Just like Grandma Ghissie told me, _the maid thought, _Hot water always makes me feel bettah…_

After twenty minutes, Bernie was playing with the shampoo foam in her hair when she heard a small _beep_ nearby. She frowned and peeked out from the curtain to see if her alarm clock had caused the sound. "Hmph," she drawled, feeling slightly tense again. "What _was _that?" Bernie stopped and stood still, closing her eyes to listen for the sound again. Nothing happened, and Bernie pulled back into the shower.

"I must be losin' my nerves," she muttered, loudly singing 'Dust My Broom'. "_I don't want no woman, wants every downtown man she meet; wants every downtown man she meet. She's a no good honey, they shouldn't 'low her on the street…._" Bernie trailed off when she saw a shiny, black dot in the corner of two shower walls near the ceiling.

"That's not what I think it is," she said slowly, a bit of suspicion growing bigger and bigger like a snowball down a hill. After a few seconds, Bernie stepped up onto the edge of the tub and peered at the black dot. A moment later, she saw a small reflection coming off of it. "That schemin', perverted sonuva bitch!" the young woman screeched.

With shampoo bubbles still all over her blonde hair, Bernie grabbed a light blue towel and wrapped it around her body and marched out the door, slamming the bathroom door shut. Her fists were balled tightly as she pushed the door to the computer door open and slammed it shut, her fists ground onto her hips.

Matsuda was the first to notice her, and instantly turned beet red. "Um, B-B-Bernie," he stammered, "You're only wearing a towel." Mogi, Aizawa, Soichiro, and Light all looked up to see if Matsuda was saying was true. Upon seeing Bernie's form, everyone immediately looked away. L was the only one not paying attention as he finished off the last pastry on his plate.

Bernie's eye twitched, and she stomped over to the detective before tapping his shoulder. " 'Scuse me," she hissed in a deadly calm. L swiveled in his chair to face her.

"Yes, Bernie?" he asked, oblivious to her indignant rage. Bernie's ears pulsed once, twice, three times.

A nanosecond later, the back of Bernie's lightly tanned hand collided with L's grey cheek with so much force that his chair was slightly pushed back. The others stared at Bernie in shock, and L touched a hand to his cheek, with had an increasingly red mark on it. "You still appear upset, Bernie," he said slowly. "Is something wrong?"

Bernie turned a lovely shade of scarlet and slapped him again, one word coming out of her mouth over and over. "Defòme, defòme, defòme!" (**Pervert, pervert, pervert!) **The other police members pulled her back, and L merely ate a small piece of chocolate he had in his pocket.

"Would you mind explaining why you're accusing me of being a pervert, Bernie?" he asked, ignoring the red marks on his face while eating his candy. Bernie struggled to break away from the police force and stamped her foot.

"Don't you play with me, boy; you know goddamn well what I'm tellin' you 'bout!" she yelled; she looked up at Mogi, who was the main person holding her back. "Mistah Mogi," Bernie growled, "I'm not gonna attack Ryuzaki, I promise. Just let me get to mah shower to show yall what I'm talkin' 'bout." Mogi hesitantly released her; immediately, her hand shot out grab Ryuzaki's sleeve and she dragged him to her bathroom.

The others cautiously followed them, and Bernie positioned L near the corner with the camera. She pointed at the small black dot and in a creepy calm voice, she asked, "What do ya see, Mistah Ryuzaki?" L tilted his head and bit off a piece of chocolate.

"I see mango-scented shampoo," he replied. "A red razor, two rubber ducks that are painted to have fangs, and a bar of soap mixed with amber." Bernie facepalmed, but refused the urge to slap him again and instead tilted his head up towards the camera.

"Do ya see that black dot?" she asked, her voice hard like flint. "Am I correct in assumin' that's a _camera_?" L nodded slowly, not seeing where Bernie was going with this.

"Ah, yes," he remarked. "I remember having that camera installed when you first moved in."

Matsuda stepped forward to find the camera. "Oh yeah," he said, pointing at the small lens. "I didn't notice it before; it's so tiny!"He frowned at L. "Why'd you put that in here, Ryuzaki?" L chewed on a fingernail, and Bernie's nostrils flared while she kept her fists tightly curled around the towel she was wearing.

"'Cause he's a goddamn pervert, that's why!" she snapped, her angered accent distorting her Japanese again. L shook his head and held out a chocolate bar for her to calm her down. Bernie kept her scowl, but took the chocolate and wolfed it down.

L glanced back at the camera. "The reason I installed the camera," he explained, "Was because I initially considered you a Kira suspect. As Light knows firsthand, I install cameras into any Kira suspect's room if they are a high risk. Therefore, I had cameras installed into your rooms, the kitchen, and even in the restroom."

Bernie put a hand on her hip. "Well, why the hell in the dawgon bathroom?" she snapped. L's eyes hardened slightly.

"If Kira is involved and under surveillance, I can't risk him or her having a single safe place out of my sight." Bernie's eyes widened slightly, and she stared at her boss for a long time.

"So, you weren't bein' a voyeur then?" she asked sharply, putting her hands on her hips.

L nodded. "Absolutely not," he replied. "While I don't consider you physically _un_attractive, I would never think of an employee in a sexual manner; that's simply unethical." Bernie looked down, and shook slightly.

Matsuda put a hand on her shoulder. "Um, Bernie," he asked slowly, "Are you okay?" Bernie looked up, a few tears streaming down her face. "Er….Bernie?"

A second later, Bernie had her arms around L while she cried. "That sounded so beautiful, chere!" she sobbed, her emotions flaring again. "You're so sweet…And you look like a panda, and that makes me smile too, but when I think 'bout it I just start cryin' now…" L froze up for a moment, but awkwardly pat her back while the others looked on in confusion.

"Matsuda," L said in a straining voice, "Fetch some more mangoes and chocolate, would you? Bernie will need the endorphins to relax her muscles to the point where she may be able to let go of me, at least before I'm asphyxiated…."


	17. Chapter 17

After Bernie's first day of breaking down, the rest of the Task Force quickly adjusted to her behavior for the next few days; that is, except for her main employer, whose bluntness was the main cause of Bernie's shortness during the week. Her final outburst though, was actually a day after she ended her cycle.

"Bernie, could you bring some whipped cream for these creme cakes?" L asked, poking his snack with a fork. "I've noticed that the recipe you use seems to result in the cakes becoming somewhat dry." Bernie stopped in her tracks, prepared to fire up a retort, but she bit back her tongue just in time.

"Fine, Mistah Ryuzaki," she replied acidly, taking the plate back and stomping into the kitchen. For a few minutes, Bernie made a thick sugary cream and smeared it onto the cakes before hurrying back inside and sitting down, the bowl of leftover whipped cream in her other hand.

L took a tentative bite before setting it down. "Disappointing," he declared monotonously, cake crumbs on his lip. "They still taste somewhat lacking." He faced Bernie, who was trying desperately to keep her lips shut. "Your pastries have been dropping in quality by nearly 1.5 percent ever since you started your cycles, and even afterwards. If you would like some time off until you are ready to cook again, I could try to hire a replacement to ease your stress until your baking skills return."

Bernie's eye twitched as the Task Force stared at the two of them in dead silence. The maid took a deep breath through her nose and lightly fingered the bowl of whipped cream in her left arm, the serving spoon inside clattering around. She slowly rose and took a few steps to leave before whirling around and-

_WHAM!_

In one expert rush, Bernie launched a cannonball of whipped cream from the serving spoon; soon L's hair, face, and torso was frosted with white. Satisfied, Bernie slammed the bowl down on a nearby coffee table before heading to her room and shutting the door.

Watari, who had watched the entire scene from the kitchen, set a small timer for exactly one minute and thirty seconds. While the timer clicked, the Task Force watched L turn back to his computer, evidently not minding being covered in cream; in fact, it was quite beneficial for him to merely lick his lips or fingers and immediately taste something sweet.

"Er, Ryuzaki," Matsuda said uneasily. "You do know that Bernie gets really upset when you say stuff like that, right?"

L licked his lips again, savoring the cream. "I have noticed her agitation stems from my statements," he replied carefully. "But what I say should not affect her so deeply." He frowned. "it's annoyingly illogical. I'm not insulting her; in fact, I was offering her time off to hone her baking skills, which would benefit us both."

Light sighed in agitation. "Why don't you just say it like that?" he snapped. "I know you aren't good at talking to other people, but the way you say things like that hurts her feelings; you can see that, can't you, Ryuzaki?"

L cocked his head to the side. "I doubt that she's perturbed by my statements," he replied. "She's merely oversensitive due to her unbalanced hormonal levels. Besides," he added, turning to glance at his computer screen, "Bernie is quite confident and strong-willed; anything I say is something she can most likely recover from." L noticed the timer ticking at five seconds. "In addition to her confidence, her unbalanced hormonal levels also apply to the other side of the spectrum."

Soichiro Yagami frowned in confusion. "What do you mean, 'the other side of the spectrum'?" he asked.

L nearly smiled as he pointed at the timer. "In addition to extreme anger, Bernie also displays great affection, and will undo any harm from her outbursts."

At that moment, the timer dinged; at the same time, Bernie zoomed into the computer room, wrapping her arms around L and crying, apologizing for what she did. "I'm so sorry, chere," she said, grabbing a towel and wiping off the stray cream on L's face and neck. L merely stood still as Bernie stopped and hugged him. "I know, I gotta work on calmin' down," she sighed, giving L a small peck on the cheek before reclining onto the couch between Matsuda and Light.

L was becoming more used to Bernie's anger, but her affectionate mannerisms were what made him uncomfortable. He remained silent for a few minutes, and continued to try and perfect his current plan to catch Kira to keep his mind focused. For some reason, his mind kept wandering to Bernie's displays of affection over the course of the past few days. He gave a small scowl and busied himself by looking over one of the evidence files on his computer.

The room was somewhat calm for a while, until Misa skipped in, giddy and cheerful as usual. Bernie looked up and waved at the blonde before giving Misa a seat next to Light. "Hey there, Miss Misa," she greeted happily. "You feelin' bettah?" Misa nodded and rested her head in Light's lap.

"Yep!" Misa replied. "MIsa's not on 'that time' anymore, and Light's been being a better boyfriend too; we even went on a real date in my room!" Light looked down, embarrassed, and Misa took the opportunity to give Bernie a wink. "Misa wanted to thank you for the honey jar spell," she whispered. "It helped our relationship out almost instantaneously!"

Bernie shrugged. "No problem, honey," she replied. "I think today's the last day I'm gonna be feelin' snappy and harpy-like, so I can hang out with you again without gettin' upset!"

L felt the urge to smile again; he remembered what had happened the first time Misa had tried to be around Bernie when they were both agitated: The moment Misa had entered Bernie's room, crying and bawling, Bernie took one look at Misa, grabbed her by the collar, and gently dropped Misa outside her bedroom door before slamming it and locking it. "You don't come back till' we both calm down," Bernie had bellowed.

Now that they were both back to normal (well, if you could call either of them normal) though, Bernie was able to listen to Misa without having a spasm of Southern rage. "Does this mean that your emotions are now in control, Bernie?" L asked, and Bernie nodded.

"Pretty much, chere," she replied. "When I was in my room, I took about five aspirin tablets, so I'll be a little less crazy for a few hours or so."

Misa looked up at L, grinning widely. "Ooh, by the way, Ryuzaki, Misa's willing to take part in that plan to get Higuchi," she said. Her face became serious. "But no matter what he does, Misa has to stay faithful to Light." She took her boyfriend's hand, and Bernie raised an eyebrow.

"What plan is this, Mistah Ryuzaki?" she asked curiously. "You gonna catch one a them Yotsuba boys?" L nodded.

"Yes," he replied. "And now that I remember, I was wondering if you could help us again if you wish." Bernie frowned, suspicious of L's plan, even before she heard it.

"You're wantin' me to act again?" she asked accusingly. "After the last time I did it, Matsuda almost _died_?"

L grabbed the bowl of cream from the coffee table and started to devour the last of it. "Your involvement wasn't a factor in Matsuda nearly getting killed," he replied simply. "That was due to Matsuda's own shortsighted eagerness and ignorance."

Matsuda nodded and smiled at Bernie. "Yeah, it was because of my ignorance; it wasn't because of you!" He frowned, realizing what L was saying about him. "Wait a minute…"

Bernie leaned back on the couch, her hands folded. "Why do you want me doin' this again?" she asked evenly. L stared at her while he explained.

"Perhaps you remember how Namikawa seemed to develop a liking for you at Misa's 'party'," he began. Bernie scowled, remembering the businessman.

"The one who invited me out for that vacation of his out in the Alps? What about 'im?" she asked roughly.

L ate another scoop of whipped cream. "Namikawa is, by all accounts, the second-in-command of the other Yotsuba members besides Higuchi, the leader. However, he and Higuchi are always together, which would be a problem if Misa were to try and separate them. We would require a veritable distraction that wouldn't arouse suspicion when Misa leads Higuchi off. " Bernie continued frowning, becoming more wary.

"So I'm guessin' that you want me to lead Namikawa and the others away somewhere for a lil' while?" she replied. L nodded.

Bernie put a hand on her hip. "And where would I take Mr. Namikawa, pray tell?" she asked in an almost accusatory tone.

L licked his fingers as he finished off the last of the cream.

"Don't worry, Bernie," he replied casually, setting the bowl down. "I'd never force you into a sexual situation with an accessory to Kira's crimes."

Bernie blushed and snatched up the empty bowl before tucking it under her arm. "I appreciate the incredibly blunt sentiment, Mistah Ryuzaki," she said before giving a tight smile. "But you should know more than anyone that I can hold my own and take care of myself." Bernie gave her boss an impish grin before setting the bowl in the dishwasher and heading back inside.

"Well," Misa said eagerly, "Will you do it, Bernie-chan? Please?" Bernie shifted in her seat for a while, before sighing.

"I suppose I should do what I can to catch Kira," she replied testily. L nodded, and Bernie held up her index finger. "HOW-EV-ER," she added, enunciating each syllable slowly, "I'm gonna need some things of you in return, Mistah Ryuzaki; I can't hang 'round with a sea snake like Mistah Namikawa without a lil' compensation!"

"What form of compensation?" L asked.

Bernie smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. "All I want is some new supplies, and a two week vacation. And I'd like to do my own shoppin' and not hafta rely on Watari." She nodded towards the old man politely. "No offense, Mistah Watari." Watari smiled, and L closed his eyes as he considered Bernie's proposal.

"While I don't particularly agree with you leaving the hotel, I suppose that your demands are reasonable to meet," he said grudgingly. Bernie let out a whoop, leaping up from the couch while Misa cheered with her.

"Hurrah!" Bernie cried, dancing around with Misa, giggling and cheering; Light smirked at the spectacle as the two girls cheered. "Bernie," he said teasingly, "You realize that you still have to distract Namikawa, though…"

Misa and Bernie stopped dancing, and the Southern woman bowed her head in shame and worry. "Hurrooh…"


	18. Chapter 18

The preparation for distracting Namikawa was pretty simple for Bernie to grasp: Before Misa encounters Higuchi, Bernie would call Namikawa using one of L's decoy phones to plan a date. While she and Namikawa were out, Misa would be able to easily get Higuchi alone. Easy as a triple layer cake!

There were only two downsides in Bernie's mind: Having to converse with that slippery strange businessman, and…

"Oh God, Mistah Ryuzaki, please don't make me do this!" Bernie whispered, trying not to let Misa hear her. "I don't think I could survive wearin' another one of Miss Misa's costumes!"

L shook his head and nibbled on a gigantic block of caramel that Bernie had just brought him. "I have already told you to address me as 'Ryuzaki', Bernie," he replied. "And while I can understand your discomfort, it is imperative that we use every resource we have to make sure Namikawa will want to be separated from his main business partner; that includes looking aesthetically pleasing." He nodded towards Misa. "Misa is very proficient in fashion and aesthetics, so you must follow what she tells you in order to look the part. Do you understand?"

Misa beamed at L's compliment, while Bernie seethed in her worn leather shoes. "Fine, chere," she grumbled, her hands on her hips. "I suppose we should get started, Miss Misa…"

The model let out a small squeal of delight as she linked her right arm with Bernie's limp left bicep. "This is going to be great, Bernie-chan!" she cheered. "Misa hasn't given a girl friend a makeover in a long time!" After Misa gave a quick goodbye kiss to Light, she took off at light speed for the nearest elevator.

As Bernie was dragged up to Misa's room, she lightly tapped her tortoise-shell bracelet on her wrist. "Grandma Ghissie, give me strength and patience," she prayed. "Miss Misa's a sweetie, but this is almost too much for me to bear!"

Misa burst in with Bernie through the door and immediately ran to an adjacent closet that was the size of Bernie's entire suite. Every single inch of the closet was draped with clothes, shoes, and just about every accessory you could think of. Bernie clutched her chest. "Law, Miss Misa," she cried. "How are you able to get dressed in the mornin' in this maze?!"

Bernie gawked at the gigantic closet while Misa started to rifle through outfit after outfit and place them all in a neat pile near Bernie's feet. After about ten minutes of Misa's gathering, she sent Bernie to the center of the room to try every single one of them on. "I'll wait out here until you find the perfect one, Bernie!" she called.

With the pile of cloth in her hands, Bernie held up the first one by its straps. "Oh God," she exclaimed quietly. "I'm gonna look like a hooker on holiday!" Sighing, she put the first one on, and Misa immediately shook her head.

"No," she decided, expertly unbuttoning the fastener and throwing it aside. "We shouldn't do anything strapless; too flashy for something like this…" Bernie gave a small exhale of relief, and Misa handed her a lacy bell-sleeved shirt that buttoned up. Bernie glanced at it fondly.

"This one ain't too bad at first glance, Miss Misa," she said cheerfully. Misa nodded eagerly and jumped up and down.

"C'mon Bernie-chan, try it on, try it on!" she goaded.

Bernie hastily threw it over her head and buttoned it up to the top button. Misa clapped excitedly and led Bernie to a floor length mirror. "It's perfect, Bernie," she squealed. "Look!"

Hopeful, Bernie glanced at the mirror and squeaked at the not-so-subtle form fitting blouse and the little-too-low neckline that she had failed to notice before. "It's…um…Well, it'll make an impression," she replied hastily, wanting to spare Misa's feelings. Misa laughed and rifled through a rack of skirts before throwing one to Bernie.

"And lucky for you, Misa has a skirt that matches perfectly; you're gonna look sooo adorable, Bernie-chan!" she said, now searching through a shelf that was covered in shoes while Bernie hesitantly threw the skirt on.

Like the shirt, it had white lace (but then again, almost everything Misa had bore lace in some way or another), but the skirt had a bow that tied in front like a belt, which Bernie hoped would distract from her chest. "Not very likely," she muttered, "But I gotta do what I can to catch Kira, I s'pose." Misa saw her and nodded approvingly before holding up a pair of surprisingly sensible shoes that only had a few inches of heel; a little more than Bernie would have liked, but she was thankful that she wasn't walking around in one of Misa's normal stilts.

After that, Misa sat Bernie into a chair and opened a chest full of makeup. "Close your eyes, and do exactly what Misa says, okay Bernie-chan?" Misa said. Bernie nodded uneasily, and for a few minutes she experienced what it was like to not hear Misa talk for an extended period of time; it was a foreign sound. "Open your eyes and look up," she ordered, and Bernie followed her. "Close them again."

It went on like this until Misa went behind her and did something with her hair; she couldn't see with her eyes closed, but just hoped that Misa wouldn't make her look too crazy. "Okay, look in the mirror, Bernie-chan!" Misa said excitedly.

Bernie slowly opened one eye, and grinned widely. "Well, don't I look like a doll," she drawled, poking her cheek. Misa actually chose to be subtle instead of all out cute, which made Bernie look even more mature: black eyeliner with something powdery over her eyelids, which made her think of what Grandma Ghissie's old candle smoke looked like. Her lips weren't dry anymore, thanks to something sweet and gooey that Misa had put on them, which turned out to be strawberry flavored lip tint.

"Misa likes headbands in your hair, so I picked one with a bow like your skirt," she added, pointing at the crown of Bernie's blond head. Bernie nodded and stood up.

"Thanks for gettin' me dolled up, chere," she said cheerfully. Misa shrugged.

"It was nothing," Misa replied. "Besides, Misa wanted to pay you back for helping her with Light!" She smiled and suddenly took Bernie's hand before running down the hall. "C'mon, Bernie-chan, we have to show Ryuzaki and the others!"

Bernie's grin was immediately wiped off her face. "Wait," she protested, blushing like crazy. "I like the lil' number and all, but I don't want them to see me like this!" Misa frowned.

"But you're gonna be wearing that in public and with Namikawa," she argued, "So you'll have to be seen by strangers; why is that any less embarrassing than with Ryuzaki and everyone here?"

Bernie frowned; Misa's logic was surprisingly airtight. "Well," she stammered, "I'm just not used to wearin' stuff like this, and-"

"Too late!" Misa cackled, letting go of Bernie's hand and sashaying into the computer room. "Everyone," she said dramatically, "It's Misa's honor to present the new and cuter Bernie-chan!" She took Bernie's arm and pulled her inside, where Bernie stood stock still.

The others raised their eyebrows almost immediately, though their reactions were very different; Mr. Yagami politely nodded and looked away, Light gave a similar nod, but wasn't as shy as his father. L remained silent, analyzing her, but Matsuda jumped up.

"Wow, Bernie," he said cheerfully. "You look great; Misa-Misa really knows how to dress someone up!" Bernie turned even more red and shrugged.

"She certainly knows how to make an impression, that's for sure," she replied, trying to sound a little less awkward than she felt.

L took another bite of his caramel, which Bernie noticed was almost gone, despite the fact that it was originally 6 inches wide. "I believe that Bernie will successfully be able to distract Mr. Namikawa," he declared blandly. "Thank you for your assistance, Misa." Misa nodded and sat down next to Light, placing a hand on his handcuffed wrist.

"Anything I can do to catch Kira and make Light happy," she replied. Bernie smirked and sat down in a chair next to L.

"Do ya want me callin' Mistah Namikawa now, Ryuzaki?" she asked, stopping herself before saying 'Mister Ryuzaki'.

L nodded and handed her a cell phone. "His contact information is already on it," he replied. "I'll be here to direct what you should say to him."

Bernie rolled her eyes and pressed the 'DIAL' button. "I'm a big girl, chere," she replied. "I know how to talk to a man."

A few seconds later, she heard Namikawa's crisp and direct voice. "Reiji Namikawa, President of Sales at Yotsuba Group."

Bernie took a deep breath and braced herself. "Hello, Mistah Namikawa," she greeted cheerily. "It's Zelia Otis, Misa's friend from the party?"

Namikawa's tone changed slightly; still business-like, but a little less stiff. "Ah, Zelia," he replied. "Good to hear from you. Has the situation from the party been handled?"

_Situation? _Bernie thought. _Oh, right, with Matsuda dyin'…_

"Yes, Misa and I got it all under control," she replied breezily. "If it wasn't taken care of, then I wouldn't be callin' you, would I?"

"I suppose not," Namikawa replied casually. "Have you thought about my offer for that vacation in the Alps? I have a cottage up there that always feels so empty when I go there."

Bernie let out a small chuckle. "I've been thinkin' of how fun that could be," she said. "But I don't have any free work time for anything fun. But I was callin' to see if you wanted to go out for a bite to eat today, if you're free."

A shuffle of papers rang through the receiver, but Namikawa's voice returned. "I'm free from 4:45 to 6:00 tonight," he replied. L heard the time and nodded, urging Bernie to go on.

"That's perfect, dahlin'!" she replied. "Mind if we go somewhere like Cafe Kami? I do love the outdoors, chere."

Namikawa let out a small approving noise. "Excellent. I'll have a town car pick you up; what's your address?"

Bernie glanced at L for help, and he took the last bite of caramel. "You can give him this address," he replied. "It won't arouse suspicion." Bernie nodded and gave Namikawa the address. They gave their goodbyes and hung up.

L took the cell phone back. "That couldn't have gone better, Bernie," he said. "Watari will make sure that Namikawa arrives, and Misa has already confirmed her time with Higuchi."

Bernie nodded and started to pick up L's plate before he blocked her with his arm. "What? I'm the maid, ya know; I need to get the plates clean when you're done with 'em!" she said indignantly.

L shook his finger. "The only demand Misa made for allowing you to borrow her services," he replied calmly, "Was that you could not ruin them; there are to many risks involved while you're cleaning and cooking, so I must insist that you take the rest of today off until after you meet with Namikawa."

The maid slowly put the plate down, feeling panicked by the fact that she wouldn't be able to clean the house. "Fine then," she replied, slumping in a chair next to her boss. "But what do you expect me to do for the next-" She glanced at the nearest wall clock. "Two hours?"

L rifled through a small box that read 'MOVIES: T-Z' that Bernie saw scrawled on the side. The erratic and spiky writing looked familiar; in fact, it was her own! After a second, L held up a dvd case. "Perhaps we could watch 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' again?"


	19. Chapter 19

Two hours (and one movie) later, a sleek black town car appeared on the security cameras in the monitor room. "It appears that Namikawa has arrived," L said, pointing one grey finger at the nearest screen. "Before you go, I have another listening device for you to wear; if something happens that could botch the plan, we'll be able to hear you to tell you what you should do." Bernie took a small dot from L's other palm and fixed it inside her right ear before hopping up from her seat.

"Well, I guess I'm off to play with the creature from the Black Lagoon," she joked bitterly as she pinched her tortoise bracelet again for luck. "How do I look?"

Misa gave her a thumbs up. "Super cute!"

L pondered the question for a moment before replying, "Quite palatable; I normally don't agree with the oversaturation of sex appeal when it comes to my employees, but I suppose you do look rather nice."

It took Misa a few seconds to fully understand that one.

Bernie smiled and planted a kiss on L's forehead. "You always gotta overthink it, dontcha?" she teased, walking out of the room and heading to the entrance. Light smirked; L had stiffened the moment Bernie had touched him, and instead of saying anything he had merely went back to his computer, clearly trying to ignore the small lipstick mark on his forehead.

The moment she stepped out of the room, Bernie noticed a familiar presence above her head. When she looked up, Ryuk was staring down at her. "Gah!" Bernie instinctively slapped him away before turning red. "Oh, Ryuk," she whispered feverishly, "You scared me half to death!"

Ryuk rubbed his cheek, giving a disturbing-looking pout. "Well, hello to you too," he grumbled. "Hey, do you have any apples for me? I've been exploring this city for awhile, and I'm REALLY hungry..."

Bernie put a hand on her hip and continued walking down the hallway while Ryuk flew next to her. "No, I don't have any on me," she replied dryly. "But I gotta go now and meet Mistah Namikawa. Now scoot; he's gonna think I'm crazy if I'm talking to somethin' invisible!"

The both of them headed out the double doors, and both Ryuk and Bernie noticed Namikawa standing outside. Ryuk pointed at him. "That's Namikawa?"

Bernie nodded, trying not to shudder. "Yep, there he is," she replied from the corner of her mouth. "Now go away; you'll have to haunt me later!" She gave a cheerful wave Namikawa; his response was a nod of his head and a disturbingly creepy smile. "Hey there, Mistah Namikawa!" she greeted sweetly. "Ready to go?"

He nodded, and a chauffeur opened the car door for them to climb inside. "Please Zelia, call me Reiji," he replied. "I'd feel less strange calling you by your first name if you called me by mine."

Bernie nodded, trying not to feel the knot in her stomach. _This fella, _she thought as the car rolled away, _What is up with 'im? Sure, he was actin' a little pervy out at Misa's "party", but somethin' 'bout this man is makin' my skin crawl like an inchworm!_

Bernie shook off the feeling and leaned back. "So, how've you been at Yotsuba, chere?" she asked. "I'm bettin' that the job barely let's you outta the house!" Namikawa shrugged.

"The hard work pays off well enough," he replied casually. "And I suppose you could say it runs in the family; my father runs the American division of Yotsuba."

Bernie's ears pricked at this. "Does that mean you know English, Reiji?" she asked, eager for a chance to speak in her native language; she could only handle so much of local children saying her accent made her Japanese sound funny.

Namikawa smiled, and again, Bernie tried not to shudder. _"As well as French and Italian," _he replied in perfect English. _"I'm guessing you'd want us to speak English?"_

Bernie nodded. "_Yes, please," _she replied. _"I haven't spoken English in a while!" _She grinned, and they made simple conversation on the car ride there. It was difficult for Bernie, even in English; every few sentences or so, she had to remind herself that she was pretending to be a different person. _Remember, _she kept thinking. _I'm Zelia Sito, I'm a model, and a friend of Misa's. Well, at least that last part's true…" _

While she talked about her life as a "model", Bernie looked out the window and noticed a black shape flying near the car; Ryuk!? Her lips parted slightly, and Ryuk smirked before flying slightly above the top of the car. Namikawa noticed her reaction and tilted his head.

"_Are you alright, Zelia_?" he asked. "_You look like you've seen a ghost_." Bernie looked at him and shook her head.

"_I'm fine, hun," _she replied sweetly. _"Just lookin' out the window and thinkin'." _The car stopped, and after a few seconds the chauffeur opened the door again. Namikawa took Bernie's arm and led her out into the cafe's lobby; Ryuk continued to follow behind her, cackling all the while.

Bernie noticed Namikawa type feverishly onto his Blackberry before slipping it into his suit pocket. A waiter immediately led them to a table on the terrace, and it was a small feat for the poor maid to settle into a chair without flashing anyone within five miles. "Law, these clothes are about as good for coverin' up as a swimsuit," she grumbled. Namikawa chuckled and ordered a bottle of wine.

A small voice crackled slightly in Bernie's eardrum. "**In order to not arouse suspicion, have only one glass ,**" L instructed. "**Do not have any more, and watch Namikawa's hands closely; Yotsuba has had a habit of accidents occurring during public outings.**" Bernie let out a small gasp of disbelief before recovering. Smiling, Bernie held out her glass shyly.

"_Normally I ain't too big of a drinker_," she said, allowing Namikawa to fill her cup as she watched closely. "_But I gotta have some fun once in a while, right?_" Namikawa gave her glass back, and to remain incognito she raised her cup to imitate a toast. While her glass was raised, she noticed no powder or oil inside, and assumed it was clean. "_To business ventures and blues music!_" she crowed, grinning.

"_Hear hear…_" They both drank slowly, and again, made light conversation. _"So, how exactly did you get into the modeling business in Japan?" _Namikawa asked.

Bernie spoke before L could advise her on what to say. "_Well, I started out at a lil' place in New Orleans for some newspaper ads and the like," _she said, her lie building up inside her head. "_And one of Misa's managers came with her for a Mardi Gras festival. So, we both had a lil' fun, paradin' around in the street, and her manager asked if I wanted to go to Japan and do international stuff here!" _She laughed. _"I don't think I've seen Miss Misa drink like that in ages!" _

Namikawa let out a small, clipped laugh. "_That's quite a history," _he remarked. _"What have you been in during your work in Japan?" _

Bernie could feel the gears whirring in her mind now as she backtracked. _"Well, when I came here, Matsu said that it was more a liaison job from the States," _she said. "_So I'd be with Misa for company parties, like last time. But I don't mind; all that posing is just so exhaustin', you know!" _

L's voice rang through her ear. "**You're quite good at crafting believable lies,**" he said, sounding both impressed and annoyed. **"However, I did equip you with this device for a reason.**" Bernie bit back the retort she was thinking of, she merely clenched her fist that wasn't holding a wine glass; in that hand, she took a small hearty gulp. While she drank for a few seconds, Namikawa quickly typed on his Blackberry again.

One thing Bernie hated about having an analytical and altogether bossy man in her head while talking to an analytical and slightly more bossy BUSINESSMAN in front of her: in her mind, she was talkin' to the same exact fool. This didn't work in her favor, as she nearly slipped up more than once by saying something to L that she thought Namikawa wouldn't hear.

"_Make your own damn beignets when i get home, for all I care_," she growled, after L told her that he might need a few pastries for when she arrived back at the hotel. Namikawa frowned in confusion.

"_Come again?" _he asked.

Bernie jumped about six inches above her chair. "_Wha-Oh," _she said, trying desperately to explain herself. "_My __annoyin' __and __domineerin' __roommate keeps makin' me bake for him, and I've been mutterin' insults at 'im left and right; he ain't even here, but he's just been burnin' me up for a while!" _Namikawa appeared doubtful of the excuse, but said nothing.

The "model" took another swig from her drink, satisfied that L's voice was no longer in her head…for about twenty seconds. "**I don't wish to insult you, Bernie,** **but in all of my years of investigating I can safely say that was an incredibly terrible lie.**"

Before Bernie could let out a guttural war-cry of rage, she pinched her leg to have an outlet for her pent-up annoyance. Thankfully, the waiter arrived with the bill. _It's almost over,_ she kept repeating. _It's almost over! _Namikawa quickly paid before typing once more on his Blackberry at light speed. _"Shall we go?_" he asked, and Bernie immediately rose, not caring that she had almost literally fallen into his arms in a tipsy stupor.

_This is ridiculous of me, _Bernie thought irritably as she walked with Namikawa to the car. _Back home i could drink bourbon and Jack Daniels without missin' a beat; Ugh, Grannie Ghissie was right… _One of Ghislaine Otis's favorite family sayings was one warning future generations of the natural distaste their family for wine. _Wine fuzzes up an Otis: no, our bodies are made for bronzy n' brown liquors! _

She managed to find her way into the car without feeling too light headed. Giving a small mew, Bernie stretched her arms and leaned back with her legs crossed. "_Law, I'm sleepy,_" Bernie remarked, giving a half-smile. "_Been an exciting day for little old moi!"_

Namikawa watched her, smirking coldly. "_I do suppose lying can take a lot out of you,_" he said slowly. Bernie shot up, stock still.

_"Pardon?" _she said, her mind rattling around from light-headedness and shock. _How could he know? _"_What do you think I lied 'bout?_"

She prayed that L was hearing their conversation, but he never responded through her earpiece. Namikawa fingered his phone. "_Ever since the incident at Misa's party, Yotsuba did an entire background check to see if any of the staff that night had ties to L, the Japanese Police, or at least were suspicious," _he explained. "_While none of you had direct ties, your name was never even registered at any Japanese agency._"

Bernie remained silent, wondering what to do and how to escape if she needed to. _I'm in a car, _she thought frantically. _What could I do? _

Namikawa continued. "_After doing a complete search of agencies in both New Orleans and the entire United States, nothing had come up. And tonight was the perfect night to confirm that Zelia Sito doesn't exist._" He smirked. _"Your slip up was quite easy to spot. You said that you, Matsui, and Misa had met in New Orleans; During our interview with both Matsui and Misa at Yotsuba's headquarters, they told us that Misa has not been to any destination in the US besides one trip to New York City._"

Bernie propped her head up against her ear to disguise her attempt to get Ryuzaki's attention. _Can't talk to 'im, _she thought. _But I do remember some Morse Code from one of Uncle Cane's lessons…_She tapped her earpiece to send an SOS message: Three short clicks, Three long, and then three short. _Ryuzaki, you better hear me…_

"_That earpiece of yours is out of service,_" Namikawa said, his voice icy. "_My phone seemed to receive interference every time you were close to it, and I decided to put the pieces together. One of the R & D engineers at Yotsuba just needed a trace of it to shut it down completely._" He held up his Blackberry, and Bernie felt her heart flutter with fear.

"_So,_" she said, keeping the tremor out of her voice, "_What are plannin' to do with me?_"

Namikawa reclined in his seat across from her. "_Normally in situations like this we would have our…__partner __ deal with a suspicious person like you,_" he said. "_However, Kira needs a real name to kill someone._" Bernie gave a small sigh of relief. "_At the same time though, we can't have you investigating us; not with L and the Japanese Police trying to catch Yotsuba left and right._"

Bernie tilted her head, sitting a little straighter. "_That don't tell me anythin', chere,_" she snapped. "_If you're gonna kill me, don't pussyfoot 'round it!" _

The Yotsuba representative smirked. "_I always like clients that are straight to the point,_" he complimented. "_We'll be arriving at the Yotsuba Group's residential office in a minute or so. Once we interrogate you and find your employer, we'll find a way to kill you when you tell us your real name._" Bernie glanced out the window for a moment, trying to find somewhere familiar to escape to.

"_And what if I don't tell you my real name and all that? I can be very stubborn, y'know,_" she replied, trying not to sound worried. Namikawa let out a small silvery laugh that made the hairs on Bernie's neck stand up; in less than an instant, he grabbed Bernie's throat and forced her head against the floor as she fell to the ground.

"_And I can be very persistent,_" he replied, calmly forcing his grip on her windpipe.

Bernie's vision was red and blurred as she tried to breathe. With as much strength as she could muster, she wasn't able to move her arms well enough. "_If you kill me here,_" she hissed, her voice strained, "_You ain't gonna find out who I am…"_

Namikawa smirked and let go of her neck. "_Please,_" he teased, "_I was merely giving you a sample of what will happen once this car stops._" Bernie put a hand on her throat, feeling the red handprints on it form.

_He's a lot stronger than he looks, _she thought, staring at him coldly. _How am I gonna get outta this without Ryuzaki's help? _While she tried to form a solid escape plan, she caught a glimpse of black flying above the car. _Ryuk? _Bernie stared up at him for a few seconds, a plan wildly coming in her head. She smiled up at the Shinigami, a strange, crazy, near genius plan in mind.


End file.
